Stupid criminals

[Iowatech]

Re: Stupid criminals

I read somewhere, a long time ago, that governments don't mind paying welfare because a lot of that money returns in the form of taxes. Alcohol and smokes are big cash cows for the govt. And some of those on welfare tend to smoke and drink a lot.

I think I am to blame for the shift in this thread, and I am ready to take any punishment you deem appropriate. lol

Huh, OK. You asked for it.
If you come across a story as stupid as the toner stealing moron that I based the initial post on, you will post it here. Or you will post it elsewhere. In a fashion that the dope that did that can be properly mocked by everyone. For being an idiot.
Ready, go!
Oh, almost forgot the skill level: as little drama and politics as possible.
I'm sure there are many political stories that need to be mocked, I lived in Illinois long enough to see two governors go to prison after all. But your mission, if you choose to take it, is to avoid that.
And I find excessive drama boring, so avoid that, too.

[Darren King]

Re: Stupid criminals

I hope this meets your criteria.

Louisiana

A man walked into a Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer? Fifteen dollars. If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, was a crime committed?

[Iowatech]

Re: Stupid criminals

I hope this meets your criteria.

Louisiana

A man walked into a Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer? Fifteen dollars. If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, was a crime committed?

That is almost exactly what I was looking for when I started this, so good job, and thanks!
The only flaw is that there is no link to the news story backing that up.

[fixthecopier]

Re: Stupid criminals

This is one that I heard on a radio segment called "Dumb Crook News". Listeners sent in local stories from their newspapers. This was a few years ago...



A police station had a suspect that they were sure was responsible for a break in or a burglary They needed a confession. One of the officers came up with a plan. He wrote "He's lying" on a piece of paper and put it on the copier glass. They took a metal strainer and put two wires on it and ran them to the copier. They brought the suspect in and sat him down and put the strainer on his head telling him it was a lie detector. Every time they ask him a question that he lied about , the officer pushed the start button and the paper came out the end stating it was a lie. He confessed after a few minutes.

[HenryT2]

Read more: South Carolina teacher who stomped US flag gets $85G payment | Fox News

[Iowatech]

Re: Stupid criminals

Read more: South Carolina teacher who stomped US flag gets $85G payment | Fox News

I'm looking for more of general purpose stupid criminal stories here. So that everyone gets the joke, and can get at least a chuckle at the criminal's expense.

[gneebore]

Re: Stupid criminals

I'm looking for more of general purpose stupid criminal stories here. So that everyone gets the joke, and can get at least a chuckle at the criminal's expense.

Got a link you might like then. There's a bunch of pages about dumb crooks
Dave Moreland's Bozo Criminal of the Day | The world famous daily report on dumb crimes

[HenryT2]

Re: Stupid criminals

How 'bout these .......

PUBLICITY HOUND OF THE YEAR A Knoxville, Tennessee crook gave himself away by forgetting one of the cardinal rules of criminal behavior. Instead of keeping a low profile, the man -- wanted on a variety of charges -- flew to New York and appeared as a contestant on the most popular show on television: ABC's "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire." While he never actually made it to the big chair across from Regis, his appearance on TV did make him a minor hometown celebrity. It also attracted the attention of the Knoxville police department, who came by to arrest their man when he showed up to tell about his New York adventures during a guest shot on a Knoxville radio station. SOUVENIR HUNTER OF THE YEAR A Crossville, Tennessee man arrested for passing a bad check decided to keep a memento of his ride in a police car -- and it may end up costing him more than the original charge. After transporting the man to the Justice Center, the arresting officer searched him and discovered two door-lock knobs from the police cruiser. The suspect admitted to swiping the knobs as souvenirs. County officials say bail for the theft charge was set at $1000, while the bail for the original bad check charge would have been $250. CUSTOMERS OF THE YEAR A group of customers got a little hot under the collar at a Tallahassee, Florida chicken wings restaurant. After a dispute with the management turned into a loud argument, several customers jumped on the counter, yelled "get the employees," and began hurling beer bottles and other objects at the staff. One customer reportedly threw an electric fan that hit the restaurant's owner in the shoulder, prompting the owner to pull a revolver from his pants pocket and order the unruly crowd to get out of his store. "I was in total fear for my life," he said later. Talahassee police arrived to help restore order, though no charges were filed, and no one was arrested. the reason for the original argument? The restaurant had run out of celery sticks to go with their chicken wings, and was serving french fries as a substitute side dish. BAD TIMING OF THE YEAR A daring group of thugs burst into Mr. D's Tavern in Las Vegas, Nevada and announced they were robbing the joint. Unfortunately for them, the house band at Mr. D's is a combo called "Pigs In A Blanket," made up entirely of off-duty police officers. After a brief intermission (and a quick arrest), the band came back onstage to finish their second set. SUPERHERO OF THE YEAR A Minnesota burglar with an ear for crime was arrested after a long string of residential burglaries. The man told police he picked his targets by placing his ear against a window of the house, where his uncanny sense of hearing could detect whether or not the occupants were at home. Police identified him by matching the ear prints he left on the windows at several of the break-ins. CAR THIEF OF THE YEAR Most people steal vehicles for money. A thief in New Orleans apparently did it to brush up on his driving skills. The man stole ten tractor-trailer truck cabs over a period of several days, then abandoned them within a few blocks of his house. When detectives searched the man's home, they found applications to several truck-driver training schools. MECHANIC OF THE YEAR A Wesley Chapel, Florida man suffered a self-inflicted gunshot wound while working on his car. Apparently, the repairs involved drilling a hole into the car's exhaust pipe. The man couldn't find a drill -- but he was able to lay his hands on a pistol, so he decided to try to shoot the hole instead. His aim apparently wasn't any better than his idea, and the bullet riccocheted back at him. EXCUSE OF THE YEAR A patrolman in Redondo Beach, California arrested a drunk driving suspect after spotting the man driving down the Pacific Coast Highway with half of a traffic light pole -- including the traffic lights -- draped across the hood of his car. When the officer stopped the man and asked about the pole, the suspect explained: "It came with the car when I bought it." EMPLOYEE OF THE YEAR Police in Wheeling, Illinois accused a Wal-Mart cashier of buying merchandise at the store using credit card numbers she had copied from customers. Investigators say the cashier had made their job easier -- she identified herself by name on the fraudulent receipts to make sure she got her employee discount. COUNTERFEITER OF THE YEAR A woman was arrested for counterfeiting during an incident at "Bingo World" in Jefferson City, Tennessee after she tried to pass two counterfeit hundred-dollar bills. Investigators found ten more bogus bills in her purse. It didn't take long for the funny money to be discovered: the Bingo game that night was being sponsored by the local chapter of the Fraternal Order of Police. BIZARRE STRATEGY OF THE YEAR As Philadelphia police officers were preparing the arrest paperwork on a robbery suspect, they noticed the man intently chewing his fingernails. Or at least that's what they thought. Turns out the man was trying to chew off his fingerprints so he couldn't be identified. The cops stopped him before he was able to finish the job. BIZARRE WEAPON OF THE YEAR Police in Pontiac, Michigan were taking a man to jail on a misdemeanor arrest warrant when he suddenly got loose and broke his handcuffs. The 280-lb. suspect then used the cuffs to cut a hole in his stomach and tried to assault the officers by... throwing his internal organs at them. Even though he was bleeding profusely from his wound, it took seven cops to subdue him and put him in an ambulance. A "psychological evaluation" is pending. STUPIDEST INSIDE JOB OF THE YEAR A night clerk at a convenience store in Kansas City, Missouri put tape over the store's security cameras, removed the money from the cash register, and stashed it in a trash bin behind the store. The clerk then called police to report he had been robbed. The investigating officers didn't take long to figure out the clerk was lying: the tape he had used on the security cameras was Scotch-brand transparent tape, which meant the whole scam had been recorded on video. VOTER FRAUD OF THE YEAR Elections officials say a Washington, North Carolina man was charged with voter fraud during the state's May 2 primary election. the man voted twice -- once in his own name, and once using the name of his father, who died in 1995. He might have pulled it off, if a volunteer at the voting booth hadn't noticed the man was wearing a small "I voted" sticker on his lapel. Y2K BONNIE PARKER MEMORIAL AWARD A bride-to-be in Prestonburg, Kentucky didn't show up at the church for her wedding -- but not because she got cold feet. She'd been jailed for shoplifting her wedding gown and several other accessories from a local bridal shop. FORGERS OF THE YEAR Federal investigators cracked a nationwide ring of counterfeiters who sold bogus sports memorabilia and forged celebrity autographs in nearly every state of the union. The thieves apparently got in a hurry to turn a fast buck: among the tens of thousands of items seized by the feds were several baseballs autographed by...Mother Teresa. BURGLARY OF THE YEAR A burglar in Oslo, Norway picked the wrong target for a residential break in -- in a big way. Police say the burglar let himself into an apartment used in the filming of a Norweigan "Big Brother" style reality television show. Seventeen video cameras recorded the man's every move -- the crime was even shown live in streaming real-time video over the internet. AND THE 2000 DUMB CROOK OF THE YEAR... A Los Angeles street gang member was killed during an attempted drive-by shooting. Police say the man was leaning out the window preparing to fire when the driver of the car he was riding in got too close to a parked car along the curb. The gangbanger's head collided with the rear window of the parked car, killing him instantly.

[Iowatech]

Re: Stupid criminals

Got a link you might like then. There's a bunch of pages about dumb crooks
Dave Moreland's Bozo Criminal of the Day | The world famous daily report on dumb crimes

Good one, thanks!

[Iowatech]

Re: Stupid criminals

[QUOTE=HenryT2;358103]How 'bout these .......

That's great, thanks!