??? What to do ???

[ZOOTECH]

Is anyone else having a problem with a relative (age 91+ years) that has onset 'demitia'?
My FIL has been getting worse and worse the last couple of years. He is able to remember
his early years in WWII, but can't remember why he is seeing a DR the next day after a eye surgery.
He is getting harder and harder to rationalize with, because he is also hard of hearing, and forgets instructions within hours. My wife and her family are having a hard time with this - please help with any
support you can ( I know I can count of several of my friends for this).
TYIA

[blackcat4866]

Re: ??? What to do ???

I'm sorry to say that all you can do is work on your infinite patience, and repeat what you say often like it was the first time. It is the first time for him. =^..^=

[Phil B.]

Re: ??? What to do ???

Brother, IT can be very stressful being a family member or even a care giver. My mom 96+ was always very sharp and took care of everything on her own... 2014 I was asked to start paying her bills due to her mistakes... that's when I really noticed the problem.
she started falling... was getting very verbally abusive to myself and others... my 70 yr old brother moved in with her to help out. THAT was a big mistake since they are both very stubborn ...
then he had a stroke.. she fell and other members of the family took her to court to have her deemed incompetent...shit went down hill quick
the only thing I can tell you is you will have to repeat things 20 times a day...don't get upset it is the ALZ/dementia talking ... he will forget the recent things but past things are still clear.
I found a facebook group of folks/doctors/nurses that have been a bit of help...
I read everything I can on the issue, ( i love to read anything tho )
biggest bit of advise find a "help group" get as many of the family involved .. and just know the fits of rage is coming from the dementia.

good luck... i will try and find the links for you at a later date.

[vincent64]

Re: ??? What to do ???

I ask myself that question every night I come back from my folks house helping get my dad to bed, he is 86, mom is 85, and using a walker, due to her knees, had a broke hip few years ago, but don't trust her knees to support her while just walking, so I go over every night, sister comes in on the weekends to help out, he is getting more and more stubborn and un-cooperative with us, I have to get him out of his chair, into a wheel chair and into bed, all this after working all day doing what we do, coming in working on my house till dark, repairing termite damage, then go over about 8:30 or so in the evening.
The real fun part is my son, who is 7 gets off the school bus there in the afternoon till one of us can get by to pick him up, yes we both work.
So every day is a adventure, one which is wearing us all down.
So as what to do, take it one day at a time, say a prayer or 2, ask for strength, and one I thought I'd never say, pray that he goes peacefully in his sleep.

[Iowatech]

Re: ??? What to do ???

Is anyone else having a problem with a relative (age 91+ years) that has onset 'demitia'?
My FIL has been getting worse and worse the last couple of years. He is able to remember
his early years in WWII, but can't remember why he is seeing a DR the next day after a eye surgery.
He is getting harder and harder to rationalize with, because he is also hard of hearing, and forgets instructions within hours. My wife and her family are having a hard time with this - please help with any
support you can ( I know I can count of several of my friends for this).
TYIA

For what it is worth, my Dad passed a few weeks ago after going through something like that for a number of years. You have a shoulder to lean on here if you want. If you feel like offloading you can PM me with that if you want, too.
In my Dad's case, it came on gradually, so there was some indication that was the case a while back. When it started, Mom tried to force him to do better. That didn't help. It turned out in my dad's case it was better to make sure he was happy.
I hope that helps at least a little, and I'm sorry if I was a dumbass.

[Lagonda]

Re: ??? What to do ???

Had to watch Mother-in Law succumb to the evils of Alzheimer's some years ago. It was heart breaking to watch a very intelligent woman who was once the PA to the CEO of a large Aust company slowly fade away. We first got the inkling that she had a problem when she could no longer work her microwave oven. Eventually we had to move her from her retirement villa to a nursing home as she couldn't feed herself and then into the secure unit of the nursing home so she couldn't wander away. We felt really bad about forcing her to move from her villa where she was very happy but as someone pointed out it was better then getting a phone call to say that she had badly burnt herself in the kitchen.
Even then she had a fall and broke her hip. The hip was replaced but by that time her mind had totally wandered off with the fairies so she was mostly bedridden from then on and fortunately passed peacefully away about 6 months later.

Sorry but I don't have any consoling advice other then do a lot of homework to find a good nursing home for your in-law. We are fortunate here in Australia in that we get a very high level of care for our elderly so the fees for the home were mostly covered by her government pension, we just had to find some money for extras but since my wife had control of her mothers estate that wasn't a problem.

Actually that is one important tip, make sure you have Power of Attorney (or your equivalent) organised with your parent etc. while they are still capable of understanding what they are signing as it saves a lot of legal hassles later on.

Other then that enjoy their company while they still know who you are, I used to pick up M-i-L of Friday night from the nursing home and take her home for the weekend before she got to bad. She used to chat happily away on the trip home telling me long stories with out a proper noun in them as she couldn't remember the name of anything.

However she could remember the war years vividly and told us stories of being in the RAAF at the big airbase at Townsville. She could still recognize the military aircraft of that time and told tales of dance parties with all those handsome American pilots. "So you did alright for nylons and chewing gum then?" I said and got a filthy look in return.

RIP Jean, 15 years on and we still miss you.

[Phil B.]

Re: ??? What to do ???

Had to watch Mother-in Law succumb to the evils of Alzheimer's some years ago. It was heart breaking to watch a very intelligent woman who was once the PA to the CEO of a large Aust company slowly fade away. We first got the inkling that she had a problem when she could no longer work her microwave oven. Eventually we had to move her from her retirement villa to a nursing home as she couldn't feed herself and then into the secure unit of the nursing home so she couldn't wander away. We felt really bad about forcing her to move from her villa where she was very happy but as someone pointed out it was better then getting a phone call to say that she had badly burnt herself in the kitchen.
Even then she had a fall and broke her hip. The hip was replaced but by that time her mind had totally wandered off with the fairies so she was mostly bedridden from then on and fortunately passed peacefully away about 6 months later.

Sorry but I don't have any consoling advice other then do a lot of homework to find a good nursing home for your in-law. We are fortunate here in Australia in that we get a very high level of care for our elderly so the fees for the home were mostly covered by her government pension, we just had to find some money for extras but since my wife had control of her mothers estate that wasn't a problem.

Actually that is one important tip, make sure you have Power of Attorney (or your equivalent) organised with your parent etc. while they are still capable of understanding what they are signing as it saves a lot of legal hassles later on.

Other then that enjoy their company while they still know who you are, I used to pick up M-i-L of Friday night from the nursing home and take her home for the weekend before she got to bad. She used to chat happily away on the trip home telling me long stories with out a proper noun in them as she couldn't remember the name of anything.

However she could remember the war years vividly and told us stories of being in the RAAF at the big airbase at Townsville. She could still recognize the military aircraft of that time and told tales of dance parties with all those handsome American pilots. "So you did alright for nylons and chewing gum then?" I said and got a filthy look in return.

RIP Jean, 15 years on and we still miss you.

power of attorney is good IF the medical and financial are both parts of it

[Phil B.]

Re: ??? What to do ???

sorry I haven't gotten back to you on this...

here's a facebook page I get regular notices from.. some are good and others not so relevant, hope all is well with your issue.

https://www.facebook.com/AlzheimersWeekly/?hc_ref=NEWSFEED&fref=nf

[ayeright]

Re: ??? What to do ???

My aunt was a nurse that worked a lot with older people and she always used to say that it's harder on the family than for the sufferer, especially as things deteriorate. She would've said that you should take comfort from that as they're not suffering and every day is a new day for them. Sounds harsh but it's true, he could forget anything that upsets the family before you're out the door when it could stay with you and stop you sleeping nights.

For everyone's health and piece of mind, try and get him into a nursing home where he'll get the care he needs - you'll all benefit from it.

Best wishes, Aye.

[vincent64]

Re: ??? What to do ???

My aunt was a nurse that worked a lot with older people and she always used to say that it's harder on the family than for the sufferer, especially as things deteriorate. She would've said that you should take comfort from that as they're not suffering and every day is a new day for them. Sounds harsh but it's true, he could forget anything that upsets the family before you're out the door when it could stay with you and stop you sleeping nights.

For everyone's health and piece of mind, try and get him into a nursing home where he'll get the care he needs - you'll all benefit from it.

Best wishes, Aye.

Your aunt is right, it is hard on those that care for them, and we don't have much support to rely on, at times my dad is not sure what is going on around him, others I think he is there to a point, sorta like a distant AM radio station, comes in, fades out.

Hospice comes in, in the morning hours, its my self and my sister in the evenings, she will cone spend the weekend with them, taking care of them, I live just a few miles away, so its me whom mom calls when something hits the fan, or needs doing, if sis aint there, I wish she would let us bring in some more help, but she don't want to pay for it, she is almost in the boat of needing it her self.
As far as a nursing home, I used to joke with him, when he would be giving me grief about something or another, I would tell him Just remember, "I get to pick out the nursing home".
Now having serviced copiers for many years, and quite a few machines in nursing homes, extended care places, I don't feel I can do that to him, after seeing how some are ran, the staff tends to forget your there, and says things that makes you shudder at times and shake your head at others.

[NeoMatrix]

Re: ??? What to do ???

Sad to see people going down that path.
All you can offer is hope an something that slows the progression.

Which brings to mind....

I remember a movie years ago by actor Nic Nolte, the true life movie was called "Lorenzo's oil". If memory serves, I believe there was another similar genere' movie by the late actor Robin Williams. The Robin Williams movie title escapes me at present.

A quick web search found some wikipedia links to the true life movie and the "Lorzens's oil formulae" used in the movie. Re: Lorzeno's oil formulae : Personally I don't like Rapeseed(Canola oil) as some gut bacteria turn Rapeseed toxic in the body. See the Lorenzo's oil URL link below.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lorenzo%27s_oil

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lorenzo%27s_oil

I have absolutely no qualification about the above. The above is offered as information only.


If nothing else it will allow those a tiny glimmer of hope....


---Update ----

Re. Rapeseed (aka canola oil) :
(Quotation from article : https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rapeseed)

Processing of rapeseed for oil production produces rapeseed meal as a byproduct. The byproduct is a high-protein animal feed, competitive with soybean.^{[citation needed]} The feed is employed mostly for cattle feeding, but also for pigs and chickens. The meal has a low content of the glucosinolates responsible for metabolism disruption in cattle and pigs.


Search the above Wikipedia article for "Health Effects" to read the full outline on erucic acid(canola oil) effects to human an animals.

---- end update ---


Disclaimer:
I have no authority to give medial advice on serious medical conditions.
People should always seek advice from a recognised medical physician.

[Phil B.]

Re: ??? What to do ???

I don't feel I can do that to him, after seeing how some are ran, the staff tends to forget your there, and says things that makes you shudder at times and shake your head at others.

I too have machines in several type homes.... the thing that gets me is the rampant theft I have noticed there and in "rehab" setups in hospitals... there's many times I take goodies to mom in her "home" and the next or day after they are gone.
Just this past weekend we noticed mom's card wallet is missing it had her "gold" SSI card ( from 1925) a debit card and her insurance cards .. of course the staff said that they would 'investigate' the issue... I call just a bit ago and the director hadn't even been informed of the problem.