Re: Joke of the Day
I visited my wife's Grave today.
She thinks I'm building her a fish pond.
I visited my wife's Grave today.
She thinks I'm building her a fish pond.
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Re: Joke of the Day
Five surgeons from big cities are discussing who makes the Best
patients to operate on.
The first surgeon, from New York , says, 'I like to see accountants
on my operating table because when you open them up, everything
inside is numbered.'
The second, from Chicago , responds, 'Yeah, but you should try
electricians! Everything inside them is color coded.'
The third surgeon, from Dallas , says, 'No, I really think librarians
are the best, everything inside them is in alphabetical order.'
The fourth surgeon, from Los Angeles chimes in: 'You know, I like
construction workers...Those guys always understand when you have
a few parts left over.'
But the fifth surgeon, from Washington , DC shut them all up when
he observed: 'You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on.
There's no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains, and no spine...
Plus, the head and the ass are interchangeable.A tree is known by its fruit, a man by his deeds. A good deed is never lost, he who sows courtesy, reaps friendship, and he who plants kindness gathers love.
Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused.Comment
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Re: Joke of the Day
A noted psychiatrist was a guest speaker at an academic function where Nancy Pelosi happened to appear. Ms Pelosi took the opportunity to schmooze the good doctor a bit and asked him a question with which he was most at ease.
'Would you mind telling me, Doctor,' she asked, 'how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?'
'Nothing is easier,' he replied. 'You ask a simple question which anyone should answer with no trouble. If the person hesitates, that puts you on the track..'
'What sort of question?' asked Pelosi.
Well, you might ask, 'Captain Cook made three trips around the world and died during one of them. Which one?''
Pelosi thought a moment, and then said with a nervous laugh, 'You wouldn't happen to have another example would you? I must confess I don't know much about history.'A tree is known by its fruit, a man by his deeds. A good deed is never lost, he who sows courtesy, reaps friendship, and he who plants kindness gathers love.
Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused.Comment
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Re: Joke of the Day
I have a little Satnav, it sits there in my car
A Satnav is a driver's friend, it tells you where you are.
I have a little Satnav, I've had it all my life
It's better than the normal ones, my Satnav is my wife.
It gives me full instructions, especially how to drive
"It's thirty miles an hour", it says "You're doing thirty five"
It tells me when to stop and start, and when to use the brake
And tells me that it's never, ever safe to over take
It tells me when a light is red, and when it goes to green
It seems to know instinctively just when to intervene.
It lists the vehicles just in front
And all those to the rear
And taking this in to account, it specifies my gear.
I'm sure no other driver has, so helpful a device.
For when we leave and lock the car, it still gives its advice.
It fills me up with counselling
Each journey's pretty fraught.
So why don't I exchange it
And get a quieter sort?
Ah well, you see, it cleans the house, makes sure I'm properly fed,
It washes all my shirts and things, and keeps me warm in bed!
Despite all these advantages
And my tendency to scoff,
I only wish that now and then, I could turn the bug*er off.A tree is known by its fruit, a man by his deeds. A good deed is never lost, he who sows courtesy, reaps friendship, and he who plants kindness gathers love.
Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused.Comment
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A tree is known by its fruit, a man by his deeds. A good deed is never lost, he who sows courtesy, reaps friendship, and he who plants kindness gathers love.
Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused.Comment
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Re: Joke of the Day
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Re: Joke of the Day
Desperate to know her future, a woman decided to go visit a psychic. In a dark and gloomy room, gazing at the tarot cards laid out before her, the psychic delivered the bad news...
'There is no easy way to say this so I'll be blunt. Prepare yourself to be a widow. Your husband will die a violent and horrible death this year.'
Visibly shaken, the woman stared at the psychic's lined face, then at the single flickering candle and then looked down at her hands. She took a few deep breaths to compose herself and decided to ask the question she desperately needed to know.
She met the psychic's gaze, steadied her voice, and asked,
'Will I get away with it?A tree is known by its fruit, a man by his deeds. A good deed is never lost, he who sows courtesy, reaps friendship, and he who plants kindness gathers love.
Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused.Comment
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A tree is known by its fruit, a man by his deeds. A good deed is never lost, he who sows courtesy, reaps friendship, and he who plants kindness gathers love.
Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused.Comment
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Re: Joke of the Day
Perhaps a more traditional approach would be in order?
696D68E4-9A14-439E-BE46-E97C1D1536A5.jpg“I think you should treat good friends like a fine wine. That’s why I keep mine locked up in the basement.” - Tim HawkinsComment
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“I think you should treat good friends like a fine wine. That’s why I keep mine locked up in the basement.” - Tim HawkinsComment
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A tree is known by its fruit, a man by his deeds. A good deed is never lost, he who sows courtesy, reaps friendship, and he who plants kindness gathers love.
Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused.Comment
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Re: Joke of the Day
I stole this from Slimslobs fakebook page!Last edited by Phil B.; 06-05-2021, 09:27 PM.Comment
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Re: Joke of the Day
Thanks Tim for this one too!
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Re: Joke of the Day
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