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A tree is known by its fruit, a man by his deeds. A good deed is never lost, he who sows courtesy, reaps friendship, and he who plants kindness gathers love.
Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused. -
Re: Joke of the Day
Some of my jokes may be political in natural but they do not contain deliberate lies.
And speaking of political posts it was your Canadian brother SalesServiceGuy that started it over 5 years ago with out right disrespect for the President Trump. We ignored for almost 4 years.Comment
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Re: Joke of the Day
A US Navy cruiser anchored in Mississippi for a week's shore leave. The first evening, the ship's Captain received the following note from the wife of a very wealthy and influential plantation owner:
"Dear Captain, Thursday will be my daughter's Debutante Ball. I would like you to send four well-mannered, handsome, unmarried officers in their formal dress uniforms to attend the dance. They should arrive promptly at 8:00 PM prepared for an evening of polite Southern conversation. They should be excellent dancers, as they will be the escorts of lovely refined young ladies. One last point: No Jews please."
Sending a written message by his own yeoman, the captain replied:
"Madam, thank you for your invitation. In order to present the widest possible knowledge base for polite conversation, I am sending four of my best and most prized officers. One is a lieutenant commander, and a graduate of Annapolis with an additional Masters degree from MIT in fluid technologies and ship design. The second is a lieutenant, one of our helicopter pilots, and a graduate of Northwestern University in Chicago, with a BS in Aeronautical Engineering. His Masters Degree and PhD. in Aeronautical and Mechanical Engineering are from Texas Tech University and he is also an astronaut candidate. The third officer is also a lieutenant, with degrees in both computer systems and information technology from SMU and he is awaiting notification on his Doctoral Dissertation from Cal Tech. Finally, the fourth officer, also a lieutenant commander, is our ship's doctor, with an undergraduate degree from the University of Georgia and his medical degree is from the University of North Carolina . We are very proud of him, as he is also a senior fellow in Trauma Surgery at Bethesda."
Upon receiving this letter, Melinda's mother was quite excited and looked forward to Thursday with pleasure. Her daughter would be escorted by four handsome naval officers without peer (and the other women in her social circle would be insanely jealous). At precisely 8:00 PM on Thursday, Melinda's mother heard a polite rap at the door which she opened to find, in full dress uniform, four very handsome, smiling black officers.
Her mouth fell open, but pulling herself together, she stammered, "There must be some mistake."
"No, Ma'am," said the first officer. "Captain Goldberg never makes mistakes."A tree is known by its fruit, a man by his deeds. A good deed is never lost, he who sows courtesy, reaps friendship, and he who plants kindness gathers love.
Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused.Comment
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Re: Joke of the Day
What do you call a mechanical shovel?
Ground-breaking technology!
What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?
Mechanical engineers build weapons. Civil engineers build targets.A tree is known by its fruit, a man by his deeds. A good deed is never lost, he who sows courtesy, reaps friendship, and he who plants kindness gathers love.
Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused.Comment
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Re: Joke of the Day
A farmer got pulled over by a state trooper for speeding...
...and the trooper started to lecture the farmer about his speed, and in general began to throw his weight around to try to make the farmer uncomfortable. Finally, the trooper got around to writing out the ticket, and as he was doing that he kept swatting at some flies that were buzzing around his head.
The farmer said, "Having some problems with circle flies there, are ya?"
The trooper stopped writing the ticket and said-- "Well yeah, if that's what they are-- I never heard of circle flies".
So the farmer says-- "Well, circle flies are common on farms. See, they're called circle flies because they're almost always found circling around the back end of a horse."
The trooper says, "Oh," and goes back to writing the ticket. Then after a minute he stops and says, "Hey...wait a minute, are you trying to call me a horse's ass?"
The farmer says, "Oh no, officer. I have too much respect for law enforcement and police officers to even think about calling you a horse's ass."
The trooper says, "Well, that's a good thing," and goes back to writing the ticket.
After a long pause, the farmer says, " You can't fool those circle flies, though."A tree is known by its fruit, a man by his deeds. A good deed is never lost, he who sows courtesy, reaps friendship, and he who plants kindness gathers love.
Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused.Comment
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Re: Joke of the Day
You're riding a horse full speed, there's a giraffe beside you and you're being chased by a lion. What do you do?
Get your drunk ass off the carousel.A tree is known by its fruit, a man by his deeds. A good deed is never lost, he who sows courtesy, reaps friendship, and he who plants kindness gathers love.
Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused.Comment
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Re: Joke of the Day
A young woman was pulled over for speeding
A state trooper walked to her car window, flopping open his ticket book.
The woman said: I bet you are going to try to sell me a ticket to the troopers' ball.
He replied: State troopers don't have balls.
There was a brief silence. He closed his ticket book, tipped his hat, got back in his patrol car and left.A tree is known by its fruit, a man by his deeds. A good deed is never lost, he who sows courtesy, reaps friendship, and he who plants kindness gathers love.
Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused.Comment
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A tree is known by its fruit, a man by his deeds. A good deed is never lost, he who sows courtesy, reaps friendship, and he who plants kindness gathers love.
Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused.Comment
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A tree is known by its fruit, a man by his deeds. A good deed is never lost, he who sows courtesy, reaps friendship, and he who plants kindness gathers love.
Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused.Comment
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Re: Joke of the Day
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A tree is known by its fruit, a man by his deeds. A good deed is never lost, he who sows courtesy, reaps friendship, and he who plants kindness gathers love.
Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused.Comment
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Re: Joke of the Day
An old one but always good
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A bus filled with politicians is speeding down a country road when it swerves into a field and hits a tree.
The farmer who owns the field and tree comes out to investigate. Then he digs a hole and buries the politicians. A few days later the sheriff drives by and sees the bus. He goes and gets the farmer and asks him where the politicians are. He says he buried them. The sheriff asks if they were all dead. The farmer says, "Some of them were but some of them were trying to tell me they weren't. But you know how politicians lie!"A tree is known by its fruit, a man by his deeds. A good deed is never lost, he who sows courtesy, reaps friendship, and he who plants kindness gathers love.
Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused.Comment
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Re: Joke of the Day
A priest, an engineer and a mathematician stand on the roof of a burning house.
The only way down seems to be a big leap down into a nearby pool. The house is high though and the pool small.
The priest is ready right away for his leap of faith. "So god help me!" He says, takes a second to gather himself, sprints towards the edge and jumps. He just barely misses the pool.
The engineer shakes his head. He pulls out a piece of paper and a pencil and starts calculating. How far the pool is away. The angle from the edge of the roof. The speed he will need and how much he will have to jump. He takes a couple of measured steps back, briefly looks at his calculations. He runs and jumps. He lands in the pool, surprised himself how he managed to get all things correct.
As he sees the engineer landing in the pool, the mathematician feels a wave of relief. Engineers don't understand mathematics half as good as him! So he too starts his calculations. The distances, angles and speeds necessary to succeed. Confident he takes his steps back, runs towards the edge and jumps. He falls upwards. Damn those sign errors!A tree is known by its fruit, a man by his deeds. A good deed is never lost, he who sows courtesy, reaps friendship, and he who plants kindness gathers love.
Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused.Comment
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