Joke of the Day

[izzynut]

Re: Joke of the Day

The reason Politicians try so hard to get re-elected is that they would "hate" to have to make a living under the laws they have just passed.

[izzynut]

Re: Joke of the Day

I was always taught to respect my elders, but it keeps gettingharder to find one.

[izzynut]

Re: Joke of the Day

All eyes were on the radiant bride as her father escorted her down the aisle. They reached the altar and the waiting groom. The bride kissed her father and placed something in his hand.
The guests in the front pews responded with ripples of laughter. Even the priest smiled broadly.
As her father gave her away in marriage, the bride gave him back his credit card.

[izzynut]

Re: Joke of the Day

Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.

[izzynut]

Re: Joke of the Day

Three friends from the local congregation were asked, "When you're in your casket, and friends and congregation members are mourning over you, what would you like them to say?"
Artie said, "I would like them to say I was a wonderful husband, a fine spiritual leader, and a great family man."

Eugene commented, "I would like them to say I was a wonderful teacher and servant of God who made a huge difference in people's lives."

Al said, "I'd like them to say, 'Look, he's moving!'"

[izzynut]

Re: Joke of the Day

Smith climbs to the top of Mt. Sinai to get close enough to talk to God.
Looking up, he asks the Lord. "God, what does a million years mean to you?"
The Lord replies, "A minute."
Smith asks, "And what does a million dollars mean to you?"
The Lord replies, "A penny."
Smith asks, "Can I have a penny?"
The Lord replies, "In a minute."

[izzynut]

Re: Joke of the Day

John was on his deathbed and gasped pitifully, "Give me one last request, dear," he said.
"Of course, John," his wife said softly.
"Six months after I die," John said, "I want you to marry Bob."
"But I thought you hated Bob," she said..
With his last breath John said, "I do!"

[izzynut]

Re: Joke of the Day

A man goes to see the Rabbi. "Rabbi, something terrible is happening and I have to talk to you about it."
The Rabbi asked, "What's wrong?"
The man replied, "My wife is going to poison me."
The Rabbi, very surprised by this, asks, "How can that be?"

The man then pleads, "I'm telling you, I'm certain she's going to poison me. What should I do?"
The Rabbi then offers, "Tell you what. Let me talk to her, I'll see what I can find out and I'll let you know."

A week later the Rabbi calls the man.
He says, "I spoke to your wife on the phone for three hours. You want my advice?"
The man said, "Yes" and the Rabbi replied, "Take the poison."

[izzynut]

Re: Joke of the Day

A lawyer, who had six children needed to move because the rental agreement on his house was terminated by the owner, who wanted to reoccupy the home.

When he said he had six children, no one would rent a home to him because they felt that the children would destroy the place. He couldn't say he had no children because he couldn't lie (as we all know, lawyers cannot, and do not lie) so he sent his wife for a walk to the cemetery with 5 of their kids.

He took the remaining one with him to see rental homes with the real estate agent.

He loved one of the homes and the price was right.

The agent asked:" How many children do you have?"

He answered: "Six."

The agent asked, "Where are the others?"

The lawyer, with his best courtroom sad look, answered, "They're in the cemetery with their mother."

Moral of this story:

It's not necessary to lie; one has only to choose the right words.

[izzynut]

Re: Joke of the Day

Why There Are More Women Than Men

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[izzynut]

Re: Joke of the Day

Why There Are More Women Than Men

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[izzynut]

Re: Joke of the Day

Why There Are More Women Than Men

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[izzynut]

Re: Joke of the Day

Why There Are More Women Than Men

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[izzynut]

Re: Joke of the Day

Why There Are More Women Than Men

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[slimslob]

Re: Joke of the Day