Snappy comebacks

[HenryT2]

Re: Snappy comebacks

I ran across this ... thought I'd share ....

copier.jpg

[mansart]

Re: Snappy comebacks

Whenever someone suggests that I just kill the machine and get them a new one, I tell them "it's against my xerographic oath"

[fixthecopier]

Re: Snappy comebacks

I ran across this ... thought I'd share ....

[ATTACH=CONFIG]19824[/ATTACH]

I just removed that sign from 1 of my machines. it had been there for almost 4 years and was kind of ragged. It was on the most used machine on Ft. Bragg.

[Tonerbomb]

Re: Snappy comebacks

Whenever someone suggests that I just kill the machine and get them a new one, I tell them "it's against my xerographic oath"

when they say that to me I ask them for a PO.............

[nmfaxman]

Re: Snappy comebacks

Went to a scanning call yesterday where computer was saying not enough memory.
She said there was more than enough memory.
After checking the driver, I looked down and noticed 4 explorers, 3 word and an antivirus running.
I told her the problem was she must have spent too much time in the tropics.
She gave me a baffled look and I said you have a problem closing windows.
I though she was going to pee herself from laughter.

[Ollie1981]

Re: Snappy comebacks

A common question I get when i have a m/c in pieces

"Do you know how to put it back together"

my usual reply

"Well, actually I was hoping that someone here saw me take it apart, so they can tell me what goes where"...

Yeah, I've done that one. Most of them know you're yanking their chain but it the one or two that don't that make it funny!!

Cust:- "I hope you remember how to put it all back together"

Moi (with mock "confused" expression):- Err no, I was hoping you did.

Cust:- ...............oh no!

Or whenever you're at a primary (elementary I think you'd call it stateside) school and some 5 - 6 year old kid runs up to you and yells:-

"Whatchya Doin?"

Great thing about little kids is you can tell them the most outlandish lies (like for instance, about you being a spy from MI5 like James Bond and rigging the copier to spy on their headteacher who's actually an evil baddie who wants to take over the world) and they'll not only believe you unquestioningly, but immediately run off to tell their friends who are all as equally amazed and astonished.

Plus unlike telling lies in the adult world where there are usually consequences. Kids come out with this kind of crap all the time and it just gets put down to their "overactive imaginations.."

Not that it's big or clever or anything, amusing yes, clever no..... Mwah ha ha!

[fixthecopier]

Re: Snappy comebacks

Every once in a while, during a major repair, when I have the machine gutted and the customer says anything, I will look at all the parts and sigh and say something like "Now I wish I had not got drunk and laid out of "reassembly day " at copier college.


Then if that gets their attention, I laugh and say I was just kidding, I've never been trained on this stuff''

On the military base, if they say anything I can always fall back on... "what do you expect from the low bidder on a government contract. Hell, you are lucky I showed up with tools".

[ZOOTECH]

Re: Snappy comebacks

I haven't had the guts to use this yet; I'm waiting for the right opportunity.
"If ignorance is bliss, you must be ecstatic"

[HP:guy]

Re: Snappy comebacks

The Xerox man is here. Good he can fix it.

Are you here to fix the xerox machine? No.

Are you here for the Xerox? Not if you keep using language like that around me!

[Iowatech]

Re: Snappy comebacks

A common question I get when i have a m/c in pieces

"Do you know how to put it back together"

my usual reply

"Well, actually I was hoping that someone here saw me take it apart, so they can tell me what goes where"...

I got asked if I knew how to put the machine back together once. I replied: "No. But the person who does will be by next week."

Also, here's an unintended snappy comment: I had just got the machine reassembled, when some guy comes up and asks me "Can I make a copy?" I reply "Sure, as soon as I turn the machine on." The guy got this really bizarre look of confusion, and walked away. I actually felt kind of bad about that for a while.

[Shadow1]

Re: Snappy comebacks

I haven't had the guts to use this yet; I'm waiting for the right opportunity.
"If ignorance is bliss, you must be ecstatic"

I have used a variation of that one: "Ignorance is bliss... Keep smiling."

[fixthecopier]

Re: Snappy comebacks

Having fun at others expence. I love it when I have the machine apart and I hear someone say "Oh NO!, I just sent something to the copier". That is my cue to stick my hand in the machine and pretend like I am being electrocuted. It works about 1 out of every 3 times to get a shocked look on her face.

[SargeNZ]

Re: Snappy comebacks

People must assume that if they send a print job while you are elbow deep in the machine that it will come to life and attempt to feed your appendages through the paper path. Probably the same people that wonder why the machine isn't working when there is a big red box on the screen that says 'open cover' and even shows you which freaking cover is sitting open!

[mrwho]

Re: Snappy comebacks

"Can I just make a quick copy?"

"Of course you can!!! Give me just a couple of hours to reassemble this whole thing together and then you can take your extremely important copy that can't possibly wait so I can, once again, take another two hours to disassemble the entire machine and finally look for the problem that brought me here in the first place! Hold on..."

*walks away*

Was it something I said?

(This whole thing just in my head, I don't have the balls to say it out loud - well, maybe at a customer or two that I know better...)

[nmfaxman]

Re: Snappy comebacks

"Can I just make a quick copy?"

"Of course you can!!! Give me just a couple of hours to reassemble this whole thing together and then you can take your extremely important copy that can't possibly wait so I can, once again, take another two hours to disassemble the entire machine and finally look for the problem that brought me here in the first place! Hold on..."

*walks away*

Was it something I said?

(This whole thing just in my head, I don't have the balls to say it out loud - well, maybe at a customer or two that I know better...)

I tell them to go ahead and try, but it may need a piece or two to work.

When someone sees me working on the machine and sends a print job, I ask them if a man is working on your car, do you drive it to the store?
I get a blank stare for a minute, then a red face.