Understanding Photocopier Technicians
Technical talk is often difficult to understand by people
not initiated in the technical arts. Listed below are some terms that are
used commonly by technicians, and a lay persons explanation of what
they actually mean.
Stuffed
A description of an item of equipment indicating that it
does not work quite as well as when it was new. This situation is not
expected to change in the near future.
Fucked
Terminally stuffed.
Fuck me dead
A technical expression meaning that after you have
totally stripped an assembly you didn't really need to, you have read the
manual to discover a major warning in bold type saying never to touch that
part under any circumstances whatsoever, as it requires factory
(overseas) realignment.
Fuck it all
An expression that follows the tinging sound of a
miniature spring or circlip bouncing off something on the other side of
the room.
Unfortunately, you didn't see where it came from, where it went to, and
have no idea what it looks like.
Fucking bloody fuck
An expression used after 2 full days reassembling and
mechanical aligning to find that an extremely fundamental part is still
sitting under the workshop bench.
Holy bloody shit
The expression used immediately after stripping the
thread or hexagon off a small bolt and remembering that it had a left
hand thread.
Shit, fuck, shit
The technical expression denoting full understanding that
the thing you have just dropped into the bowels of the machine is not
only critically important to the machines operation, but is completely
beyond retrieval.
Shit, shit, shit
Something weighing 400kg is sitting on my finger.
Shit, shit, shit, shit
Something hot weighing 400 kg is sitting on my finger.
How the fuck...
Often used to indicate that in your opinion the designers
of the machine might have done something a bit differently.
Bloody fuck
Somebody will have to find a first aid kit.
Holy fucking shit
This is a 440 volt circuit, and I think I've forgotten to isolate it.
Bugger bloody fuck
You see a severed 200 cable wiring harness and reach an immediate
understanding of why the equipment rack required extra force to close it.
NOTE: If the word 'Holy' is used in conjunction with this
expression, it means that all 200 wires in the harness are the same colour.
Fucking damn shit
I have just picked up the wrong end of a soldering iron.
Fucking bloody damn
A general phrase indicating minor irritation.
Holy bloody fuck
My tie is caught by something being driven by a 200
horsepower motor and I can't reach the power switch.
Bugger, fuck, damn
An indication of full acceptance that the final, binding
quote given to the customer omitted the $1800 parts content of the job.
I don't talk to dorks like you
An expression that initiates many long and meaningful
meetings between your management and the customer, where your manager
desperately tries to persuade the customer that something you passionately
believe in has never entered your head.
If you're such a clever dick, why don't you fix the bloody thing yourself.
A phrase which precedes an unusually long period before
the next salary increase. Can be effective at getting on a Customer
Relations Course
If you don't like the way I'm fucking fixing it...
I was taught that a screwdriver also doubles as a cold
chisel, a putty knife, a tyre lever, a door jam, a paint stirrer, a big
nail, an emergency fuse link, something to lean under the tyre of your
managers car, or a tool to wake snoozing apprentices (when sharpened).
Why don't you buy another fucking one.
If you persist in using something built during the Crimean War of course it will sometimes break down.
Technical talk is often difficult to understand by people
not initiated in the technical arts. Listed below are some terms that are
used commonly by technicians, and a lay persons explanation of what
they actually mean.
Stuffed
A description of an item of equipment indicating that it
does not work quite as well as when it was new. This situation is not
expected to change in the near future.
Fucked
Terminally stuffed.
Fuck me dead
A technical expression meaning that after you have
totally stripped an assembly you didn't really need to, you have read the
manual to discover a major warning in bold type saying never to touch that
part under any circumstances whatsoever, as it requires factory
(overseas) realignment.
Fuck it all
An expression that follows the tinging sound of a
miniature spring or circlip bouncing off something on the other side of
the room.
Unfortunately, you didn't see where it came from, where it went to, and
have no idea what it looks like.
Fucking bloody fuck
An expression used after 2 full days reassembling and
mechanical aligning to find that an extremely fundamental part is still
sitting under the workshop bench.
Holy bloody shit
The expression used immediately after stripping the
thread or hexagon off a small bolt and remembering that it had a left
hand thread.
Shit, fuck, shit
The technical expression denoting full understanding that
the thing you have just dropped into the bowels of the machine is not
only critically important to the machines operation, but is completely
beyond retrieval.
Shit, shit, shit
Something weighing 400kg is sitting on my finger.
Shit, shit, shit, shit
Something hot weighing 400 kg is sitting on my finger.
How the fuck...
Often used to indicate that in your opinion the designers
of the machine might have done something a bit differently.
Bloody fuck
Somebody will have to find a first aid kit.
Holy fucking shit
This is a 440 volt circuit, and I think I've forgotten to isolate it.
Bugger bloody fuck
You see a severed 200 cable wiring harness and reach an immediate
understanding of why the equipment rack required extra force to close it.
NOTE: If the word 'Holy' is used in conjunction with this
expression, it means that all 200 wires in the harness are the same colour.
Fucking damn shit
I have just picked up the wrong end of a soldering iron.
Fucking bloody damn
A general phrase indicating minor irritation.
Holy bloody fuck
My tie is caught by something being driven by a 200
horsepower motor and I can't reach the power switch.
Bugger, fuck, damn
An indication of full acceptance that the final, binding
quote given to the customer omitted the $1800 parts content of the job.
I don't talk to dorks like you
An expression that initiates many long and meaningful
meetings between your management and the customer, where your manager
desperately tries to persuade the customer that something you passionately
believe in has never entered your head.
If you're such a clever dick, why don't you fix the bloody thing yourself.
A phrase which precedes an unusually long period before
the next salary increase. Can be effective at getting on a Customer
Relations Course
If you don't like the way I'm fucking fixing it...
I was taught that a screwdriver also doubles as a cold
chisel, a putty knife, a tyre lever, a door jam, a paint stirrer, a big
nail, an emergency fuse link, something to lean under the tyre of your
managers car, or a tool to wake snoozing apprentices (when sharpened).
Why don't you buy another fucking one.
If you persist in using something built during the Crimean War of course it will sometimes break down.
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