~ Things you Hate to Hear from a Customer ~

[Mr Spock]

Re: ~ Things you Hate to Hear from a Customer ~

Wow, are you going to remember how to put it back together?

I was doing a full pm on a Toshiba 3500c color machine. I had the fuser in pieces the transfer belt sitting on floor and all four drums out and split open.
customer used above line on me.
My response was and I quote myself " I am here to take it apart, another tech will be here tomorrow to put it back together."

Shocked deer in the headlights look he gave me was worth the phone call from the manager.....

[nmfaxman]

Re: ~ Things you Hate to Hear from a Customer ~

With the old you're back, I reply with "My front too".

Can I make a quick copy?
Knock yourself out, but it won't be near as quick as you think.

Can you put it back together?
NO, can you tell me what this thingy is?

We need to get you an office here.
1. I would prefer a parking space in front of the building.
2. I already do, and it is bigger than yours.
3. No thanks, this isn't a good location in the city.

Can we get a new one?
Sure. One just like this starts at 16 grand, or That is not in your service contract, let me put you in touch with our sales department. (This was real funny when I owned my own company. I would spin around and ask them if I could help them.)

Can you look at this while you are here?
Can you place a service call with my company while I am here?

Can you clean my house for me?
I will trade you houses to clean....by the way, I am a slob.

[CompyTech]

Re: ~ Things you Hate to Hear from a Customer ~

Can I make a copy?

Sure

It's not working.

I didn't think it would with these parts out of it.

Why did you let me stand there like an idiot?

You saw me here working on it. I thought maybe you knew something I didn't know.

Perfect. Except the times when they just walk up and try to use it with you standing there. I just has this scenario today. Was standing in front of the printer making test prints and customer walks up(without saying anything)and grabs the paper from the output tray and says "Oh this is something you're running.." I wanted to say "Nah not me. I'm just here to watch it run for my own amusement, but feel free to take one or two with you."

[sturmtrooper]

Re: ~ Things you Hate to Hear from a Customer ~

Some of my comebacks...


It's a piece of crap. It is broke all the time.

I have a lot of these in the field and this is the only one I visit this often. I wonder why?


We are going to get you an office here.

No thanks, I have skills. I can do better.


I never had this problem with my old one.

Well you really screwed up when you let that piece of technology go.


Can we get a new one?

No, you can't. If you could, you would have one already.


I have a friend that works for ****** and he says their copiers don't break down as often.

Oh yeah, I have a friend that also works there. They sell the same brands as we do and he says they have the same problems we do. I am guessing your friend is looking for a sale.


The part cost how much? Hell I could get a new copier for that.

So, you're telling me you have no idea how much copiers cost.


Me, holding a part of a plotter that I should not be able to hold. "What the hell"

Customer..."a couple of our guys tried to fix it."

Me..."Oh, I see. I am doubling your bill"'


Can I make a copy?

Sure

It's not working.

I didn't think it would with these parts out of it.

Why did you let me stand there like an idiot?

You saw me here working on it. I thought maybe you knew something I didn't know.



Wow, are you going to remember how to put it back together?

It's times like this I wish I hadn't skipped reassembly class.

{ customer looking confused}

I'm just kidding, I haven't had any training. Hell, I just got out of prison last month.

We have one person we were able to track leave a trail of destruction through the county courthouse as they moved to different positions.

[nekowaiidesu]

Re: ~ Things you Hate to Hear from a Customer ~

"So we get the discount price, right?"

No. You don't. It's not funny either. I really don't like having to ask people for money, especially when they're asking for a discount (jokingly or not) Plus it makes me feel like you don't think my time and effort is worth the price set by the company. Thanks.

[tonerhead]

Re: ~ Things you Hate to Hear from a Customer ~

"Oh, you had to come back again" --------I see you had to come back too

"We should get you an office here" --------------Fine, don't need much of an office, just one with a 90 inch flatscreen, pizza oven, and a pop machine.

"Can I make a copy?" (machine is in pieces) --------------- Sure, but not on this machine right now

"Are you sure you can put the machine back together?" ----------------- Your receptionist said there was someone else who wanted to do it, is that you?

"Why doesn't service techs carry toner?" ---------------- My normal Peterbilt (semi)service vehicle is in the shop this week.

"What's it like to make the big money?" ---------------- I don't know, maybe you can tell me all about it

[SlipperyCat]

Re: ~ Things you Hate to Hear from a Customer ~

Sarcasm at my company to a customer will get you fired.

You just have to take is up the arse and remain polite and professional. Hard to swallow sometimes, but if you want to keep a job that's how it works.

[tonerhead]

Re: ~ Things you Hate to Hear from a Customer ~

Sarcasm at my company to a customer will get you fired.

You just have to take is up the arse and remain polite and professional. Hard to swallow sometimes, but if you want to keep a job that's how it works.

True. I guess it depends on the customer. If a customer was dead serious about comments, you sit and take it. I guess a lot depends of situation. One thing I will not take is if someone treats me with disrespect. I just do my job and leave, not before leaving a turd on the fuser first though.

However, some situations, you can dish crap right back to them. I never do it disrespectfully though.

[sturmtrooper]

Re: ~ Things you Hate to Hear from a Customer ~

I had a prison guard ask if I got paid extra to work on machines inside the prison, I laughed and told him no, inside I cried a bit.

[Lance15]

Re: ~ Things you Hate to Hear from a Customer ~

When you need approval from the IT department for the parts the printer needs and the user starts spouting out the names of people that print to it. Namely executives, principals, etc. I'm saying inside, "Look, I don't give a rats ass who prints to it. I gotta give someone pricing before I do any work!". Bottom line. All I can do is give pricing, I can't make a case for you.

[tonerhead]

Re: ~ Things you Hate to Hear from a Customer ~

"But our IT dept says it's not the computer, it's your printer"

I swear they say this because they are just lazy (or stupid)



One of my favorites was a bank loan manager who couldn't print while everyone else could. I asked to check his print driver, denied....because only bank employees can use bank computers. Have your IT check your driver, denied......they already checked it. Everyone else can print, don't care.......fix your printer. After 5 minutes of trying to reason with him, I walked over to his computer. I told him you can watch that I don't spy......you can report me if you want.......2 clicks.....now print something. The print came out immediately. I told him contract or not this will be billable as the problem was not with our printer, but the fact that your IT is not doing their job. I left and sent a bill to his attention.

[gneebore]

Re: ~ Things you Hate to Hear from a Customer ~

The one we get a lot is 4:30 on a Friday client calls and starts with

This morning my machine start (fill in the blank) and we are working this weekend can some one come look at it.

We had one customer that would do this at least once a month on a friday and "we need toner too" Best part of that was they were 20 miles away in the wrong direction for rush hour traffic. What would normally be a 30 minute trip with light traffic would be over 90 minutes in rush hour nonsense. Fun part was I know they had toner delivered that had instructions to "call for replacement toner when you install this one." Nope there was always some nitwit that would put it in and then reseal the box and PUT IT BACK on the shelf like it was unopened. They were a real pain in the lower regions.

[NeoMatrix]

of my way and head down the street into her Cafe' for smoko. I had a quick play around on the register keypad and found what the problem was; it was a user key error,(print receipt key turned off). I reset the fault and tell her the machine is working. She said "how much do I owe you?" I said "a sandwich and a cup of tea and we're even." The low life biarch turn to me an said "you did nothing to fix it, I'm not giving you a free meal." Even if it does cost me $7.50.(her cost price $2.00). Was your machine working before I came? Okay then, now it's working.

Whaat!... She run me down to the lowest in front of all her customers and staff. The simple register fix made her look stupid in front of her staff, and she obviously tried to save face by running me down. Fuming inside, I paid for my meal and left her shop.


I told the boss what happened, an instructed our office staff to send a full price account to her Cafe': ~$90 travel + ~$90 repair. I don't know if she ever got the bill.

I now fully understand why her Cafe' is no longer open for business...

[gneebore]

Re: ~ Things you Hate to Hear from a Customer ~

"But our IT dept says it's not the computer, it's your printer"

I swear they say this because they are just lazy (or stupid)



One of my favorites was a bank loan manager who couldn't print while everyone else could. I asked to check his print driver, denied....because only bank employees can use bank computers. Have your IT check your driver, denied......they already checked it. Everyone else can print, don't care.......fix your printer. After 5 minutes of trying to reason with him, I walked over to his computer. I told him you can watch that I don't spy......you can report me if you want.......2 clicks.....now print something. The print came out immediately. I told him contract or not this will be billable as the problem was not with our printer, but the fact that your IT is not doing their job. I left and sent a bill to his attention.

Had a real fun one like that a while back. Got the call "your copier won't pint". Get there and find out they had added three new pc's in a small office. The fact the other twelve pc's had no problem printing seemed to not faze their computer company. I took out my laptop and cross over cable and printed no problems. Looked at the office manager and explained we were not responsible for net work problems. If part of your network can't print then he has to figure it out your contract with us does not include network trouble shooting. Computer guru tells me I don't know what I'm talking about. So I go and look at the three machines not printing. Number one no print drivers were installed. The computer guru claims "all printers work with HP 4 drivers" We were looking at a Mita 4035. Next I went in and typed "ipconfig" on one of the pc's. Came up with an entirely different ip address range than the copier. Went back and check one of the working pc's and had the same ip range as the copier. Then I looked at the new router the computer guru had installed. Yeap he had installed a router instead of a switch for the three pc's and put the feeder cable into the input slot. I turned the router off, plugged the input cable into something other than the input slot. Rebooted the pc's and the router now they all have the correct ip range and can actually print a test page. Told the office manager to have the proper drivers installed because some software does not translate hp drivers for mita. And had her sign a repair tick with the "network not installed on problem machines properly" I understand she made the computer gut pay the bill since he was not the one that fixed the problem.

[tonerhead]

Re: ~ Things you Hate to Hear from a Customer ~

Man do I hate computer geeks. I have some very intelligent vendors that I work with. I also have some sincere ones and dumb as rocks ones. I will take the sincere ones any day of the week. The intelligent ones are the worst. Know-it-alls. Have the network locked down so tight. I have a mom and pop store using an "intelligent" IT. They buy an MFP and it took an act of Congress and the blessing from the Pope to get simple drivers installed. Of course they bill for every little thing too. The mom and pop were getting corn-holed by the IT, but they were somehow convinced that it was worth it.

I had a box of rocks teacher once that I told her never to call me for scan to email on her copier ever. Brand new install a few years back when ISP's were still using port 25. I asked about her computer education and got it that she teaches keyboarding and word processing. No formal computer education, other than school of observation and hard knocks. 3 hours later, no success. Something blocking port 25 on copier only and not my laptop. I ask her to use smb instead, she doesn't want to do it that way, I said email will not work because of port 25 blockage and leave at an impass. She goes renegade and I am forced back for another 3 hours of misery trying everything under the sun then leave. She called back raising cain. Mgmt told me to go back out, I said no, mgmt said yes. So I called her up and said I would come back under one circumstance, she needs to have the company that first installed their network there. He came. She went on and on wanting him to tell me that our machine was defective and at fault. However he confirmed I did everything correctly. A couple clicks later copier was scanning. Apparently the school had built additional constraints for equipment and port 25 into their firewall. Never even got a sorry or glad it is now working from the teacher, she just walked away without saying a word.