Joke of the Day

[bigwul]

Re: Joke of the Day

A long time ago, a guy I know was told by his boss to go and get some Tartan paint - not to be outsmarted the guy went and bought six cans of Tartan Special (beer) and promptly consumed the lot!! The boss didn't have the heart to get angry and he is there to this day.

[fixthecopier]

Re: Joke of the Day

Three bulls heard that the rancher was going to bring yet another bull onto the ranch, and the prospect raised a discussion among them.
First Bull: "Boys, we all know I've been here 5 years. Once we settled our differences, we agreed on which 100 of the cows would be mine. Now, I don't know where this newcomer is going to get his cows, but I aint' givin' him any of mine."
Second Bull: "That pretty much says it for me, too. I've been here 3 years and have earned my right to the 50 cows we've agreed are mine. I'll fight 'im till I run him off or kill 'im, but I'm keeping all my cows."
Third Bull: "I've only been here a year, and so far you guys have only let me have 10 cows to take care of. I may not be as big as you fellows (yet) but I am young and virile, so I simply must keep all my cows."
They no sooner finished their big talk when an eighteen-wheeler pulls up in the middle of the pasture with only one animal in it: the biggest baddest bull these guys had ever seen! At 4700 pounds, each step he took toward the ground strained the steel ramp to the breaking point.
First Bull: "You know, it's actually been some time since I really felt I was doing all my cows justice, anyway. I think I can spare a few for our new friend."
Second Bull: "I'll have plenty of cows to take care of if I just stay on the opposite end of the pasture from him. I'm certainly not looking for an argument."
They look over at their young friend, the 3rd bull, and find him pawing the dirt, shaking his horns, and snorting.
First Bull: "Son, let me give you some advice real quick. Let him have some of your cows and live to tell about it." Third Bull: "Hell, he can have ALL MY COWS. I'm just making sure he knows I'm a bull!"

[fixthecopier]

[fixthecopier]

Re: Joke of the Day

A man walks into a bar and says to the barman "will you give me a free drink if i show you something amazing?"
to which the barman says "sure"
so the man opens the door and in walks a guy who is only 13 inches high, who sits down at a piano and plays all of Mozart's work from memory.
The barman is curious and says "how did that happen?" and the man tells him
"there's a genie round the corner, who's giving away one free wish to everyone he meets."
So the barman goes round the corner and says to the genie "I wish for ten million bucks!", and all of a sudden it starts raining ducks from the sky. the barman quickly gets indoors to escape the wave of ducks and says to the customer "that genie you told me about is really deaf."
and the man says "tell me about it. He though I asked for a 13 inch pianist"

[slimslob]

Re: Joke of the Day

[slimslob]

Re: Joke of the Day

[NeoMatrix]

Re: Joke of the Day

An old man goes to the doctor for a yearly check up with his wife.
When the doctor enters the examination room he tells
the old man 'I need a urine sample,a stool sample an a sperm sample.'
The old man hard of hearing looks at his wife an yells "What?,
What did he say? What's he want?"
The wife yells back "It's okay dear,he needs your underwear."

[NeoMatrix]

Re: Joke of the Day

An old man is having an annual check up.
When it's over the doctor say's you have a heart murmur.
"Do you smoke?'
'No', replies the man
'Do you drink excess?'
'No', replies the man'
'Do you have sex?'
'Yes I do', replies the man.
'Well' , says the doctor with this heart
murmur you'll have to give up half your sex life.

Looking a little lost the old man says 'which half,
the looking or the thinking.'

[blsquires]

Re: Joke of the Day

elderly couple went out for a meal on a first date.at the end of the evening he said to her i think you are beautiful and i would like to take you to bed and make mad passionate love to you.
she said you wont be able to because i have acute angina .i hope you have he said because your boobs are terrible.

[Akitu]

Re: Joke of the Day

During my prostate exam I asked my doctor "Where should I put my pants?"

"Over there by mine" was not the answer I was expecting.

[ZOOTECH]

Re: Joke of the Day

Dog.jpg

[Lagonda]

Re: Joke of the Day

[ATTACH=CONFIG]27293[/ATTACH]

???? I think I missed the point on this one, but here's a dog that's pre- blued, a Blue Heeler cattle dog

Blue Heeler.jpg

[ZOOTECH]

Re: Joke of the Day

???? I think I missed the point on this one, but here's a dog that's pre- blued, a Blue Heeler cattle dog

[ATTACH=CONFIG]27294[/ATTACH]

Here in the states (at least on the west coast), Blue is a pet food manufacturer.

[slimslob]

Re: Joke of the Day

Here in the states (at least on the west coast), Blue is a pet food manufacturer.

Also called Blue Buffalo. Hence the picture of the buffalo on the label.

[fixthecopier]

Re: Joke of the Day

A woman was having an affair with her exterminator. One afternoon they were carrying on in the bedroom together when her husband arrived home unexpectedly. "Quick," said the woman to her lover, "into the closet!" She bundled him in the closet stark naked. The husband, however, became suspicious and after a search of the bedroom discovered the man in the closet. "Who are you?" he asked him. "I'm an inspector from Bugs-B-Gone." said the exterminator. "What are you doing in there?" the husband asked. "I'm investigating a complaint about an infestation of moths." the man replied. "And where are your clothes?" asked the husband. The man looked down at himself and said, "Those little bastards."