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Re: Joke of the Day
A man tells his urologist he wants to be castrated. The urologist says "That's a pretty big thing. Maybe you should think about it."
"I have thought about it, for a long time, and it's what I want," says the man.
"All right," says the doctor. "I'll do the surgery myself."
The surgery goes well, and the doc visits the man in his hospital room. "This was very delicate surgery," he says. "So you need to take it easy. Go for short, slow walks in the hall just a few times each day."
So the man gathers up his IV stand and shuffles into the hallway. As he makes his way, he sees another fellow walking towards him in the same manner. "What are you in for?" the man asks him.
"Just got circumcised," the other fellow says.
The man balls his hands into fists and shouts, "Circumcised!!! THAT was the word!!"The greatest enemy of knowledge isn't ignorance, it is the illusion of knowledge. Stephen HawkingComment
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Inauguration to the "AI cancel-culture" fraternity 1997...
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Re: Joke of the Day
a totally drunk man goes into police station undoes his fly and flops his member onto the desk and starts shouting get the Sargent and get him now
the Sargent hears all the commotion and goes up to the desk and says to the drunk what do you think your doing.
the drunk said get your breathalyser and shove it on this.whatever for said the sarg.
well he said i think i might be driving it home tonight.
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Re: Joke of the Day
During an interview....
Interviewer..."So how long were you at your last job?"
Canidate..."I would say my greatest weakness is my listening skills."The greatest enemy of knowledge isn't ignorance, it is the illusion of knowledge. Stephen HawkingComment
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Re: Joke of the Day
Q...How many software engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
A...None, that's a hardware problem.The greatest enemy of knowledge isn't ignorance, it is the illusion of knowledge. Stephen HawkingComment
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Re: Joke of the Day
From George Takei Facebook Page
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Re: Joke of the Day
A pastor's wife was expecting a baby, so he stood before the congregation and asked for a raise. After much discussion, they passed a rule that whenever the pastor's family expanded; so would his paycheck.
After 6 children, this started to get expensive and the congregation decided to hold another meeting to discuss the pastor's expanding salary. A great deal of yelling and inner bickering ensued, as to how much the pastor's additional children were costing the church, and how much more it could potentially cost.
After listening to them for about an hour, the pastor rose from his chair and spoke, "Children are a gift from God, and we will take as many gifts as He gives us." Silence fell over the congregation.
In the back pew, a little old lady struggled to stand, and finally said in her frail voice, "Rain is also a gift from God, but when we get too much of it, we wear rubbers." The entire congregation said, "Amen."Comment
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Re: Joke of the Day
A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As
she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his
stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest.
After a moment or two, the vet
shook his head and sadly said, "I'm sorry, your duck, Cuddles,
has passed away."
The distressed woman wailed,
"Are you sure?"
"Yes, I am sure. Your duck is dead," replied
the vet..
"How can you be so sure?" she
protested. "I mean you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or
something."
The vet rolled his eyes, turned
around and left the room. He returned a few minutes later
with a black Labrador Retriever. As the duck's owner looked on
in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his
front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from
top to bottom. He then looked up at the vet with sad eyes and
shook his head.
The vet patted the dog on the
head and took it out of the room. A few minutes later he
returned with a cat. The cat jumped on the table and also
delicately sniffed the bird from head to foot. The cat sat
back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and
strolled out of the room.
The vet looked at the
woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most
definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck."
The vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and
produced a bill, which he handed to the woman..
The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "$150!" she
cried, "$150 just to tell me my duck is dead!"
The vet shrugged, "I'm sorry. If you had just taken my word for it,
the bill would have been $20, but with the Lab Report and the
Cat Scan, it's now $150."At least 50% of IT is a solution looking for a problem.Comment
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Re: Joke of the Day
A lady goes to her doctor about her lack of sex with her husband.
Doctor: Give your husband viagra.
Lady: I can't, he hates pills.
Doctor: Just put it in his coffee.
Next week she returns, unhappy.
Doctor: Was it good?
Lady: It was the worst sex I ever had. He had a few sips of coffee, then he pushed everything off the table and fucked me on it right then and there.
Doctor: Well, then what's wrong?
Lady: I'll never be able to show my face at Starbucks again.The greatest enemy of knowledge isn't ignorance, it is the illusion of knowledge. Stephen HawkingComment
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Re: Joke of the Day
A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A pretty, young, student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath. 'Nurse', he mumbles, from behind the mask. 'Are my testicles black?' Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, 'I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet.' He struggles to ask again, 'Nurse, please check. Are my testicles black?' Concerned that he may elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worry about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers. She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles in the other.
Then, she takes a close look and says, 'There's nothing wrong with them, Sir!'
The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very slowly: 'Thank you very much. That was wonderful, but, listen very, very closely...... 'A r e - m y - t e s t - r e s u l t s - b a c k ??'The greatest enemy of knowledge isn't ignorance, it is the illusion of knowledge. Stephen HawkingComment
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Re: Joke of the Day
When Jane initially met Tarzan in the jungle, she was attracted to him.
And during her questions about his life, she asked him how he had sex?
Tarzan not know sex he replied.
Jane explained to him what sex was.
Tarzan said ....Tarzan use knot hole in trunk of tree.
Horrified Jane said,Tarzan you have it all wrong, but I will show you how to do it properly.
She took off her clothing and laid down on the ground.
Here she said, pointing to her privates,you must put it in here.
Tarzan removed his loin cloth, showing Jane his considerable manhood, stepped closer to her and kicked her in the crotch!
Jane rolled around in agony for what seemed like an eternity.
Eventually she managed to grasp for air and screamed What did you do that for?
Tarzan replied, Check for squirrel.The greatest enemy of knowledge isn't ignorance, it is the illusion of knowledge. Stephen HawkingComment
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