Joke of the Day

[Shadow]

Re: Joke of the Day

It helps to know the 1950s but is not essential.

Dating in 1957

You need to be able to remember the era to really enjoy this.
It was a hot Saturday evening in the summer of 1957 and Fred had
a date with Peggy Sue. He arrived at her house and rang the
bell.

"Oh, come on in!" Peggy Sue's mother said as she welcomed Fred
in. "Have a seat in the living room. Would you like something to
drink? Lemonade? Iced tea?"

"Iced tea, please," Fred said. Mom brought the iced tea.

"So, what are you and Peggy planning to do tonight?" she asked.

"Oh, probably catch a movie, and then maybe grab a bite to eat
at the malt shop, maybe take a walk on the beach."

"Peggy likes to screw, you know," Mom informed him.

"Uh...really?" Fred replied, with raised eyebrows
"Oh, yes!" the mother continued. "When she goes out with her
friends, that's all they do!"

"Is that so?" asked Fred, incredulous.

"Yes," said the mother. "As a matter of fact, she'd screw all
night if we let her!"

"Well, thanks for the tip," Fred said as he began thinking about
alternate plans for the evening.

A moment later, Peggy Sue came down the stairs looking pretty as
a picture wearing a pink blouse and full circle skirt, and with
her hair tied back in a bouncy ponytail. She greeted Fred.

"Have fun, kids," the mother said as they left.

Half an hour later, a completely disheveled Peggy Sue burst into
the house and slammed the front door behind her.

"The Twist, Mom!" she angrily yelled at her mother.

"The damned dance is called the Twist."

[mjarbar]

Re: Joke of the Day

I had the hardest job in the world once - the pollen count!

[HenryT2]

Re: Joke of the Day

Two old ladies sitting in a church, one turns to the other and says, My butt fell asleep." The others says, "Yeah, I thought I heard it snore a couple times."

[kyrenecopy]

Re: Joke of the Day

A Priest, a Rabbi and a duck walk into a bar and the bartender looks at them and says; "What is this, some kind of a joke?"

[ZOOTECH]

Re: Joke of the Day

Senior Citizen's Home

[NeoMatrix]

Re: Joke of the Day

What is the next coarse of action when an epileptic person throws a fit in the bath tub ?

Grab some laundry detergent and throw your washing in the bath.....

[jonezy999]

Re: Joke of the Day

I'm really doubting whether or not to post this, but I'm gunna

No offence intended




Two champion poofters walk passed a morgue.

One said to the other "what do ya say we stop in here and suck down a cold one?"

[Max Kilby]

Re: Joke of the Day

Baptising An Irishman

Irish man is stumbling through the woods, totally drunk, when he comes upon a preacher baptizing people in the river. The drunk proceeds into the water, subsequently bumping into the preacher.The preacher turns around and is almost overcome by the smell of alcohol, whereupon, he asks the drunk,
"Are you ready to find Jesus?"
The drunk shouts, "Yes, oi am."
...
So the preacher grabs him and dunks him in the water.
He pulls him back and asks, "Brother, have you found Jesus?"
The drunk replies, "No, oi haven't found Jesus!"
The preacher, shocked at the answer, dunks him again but for a little longer.

He again pulls him out of the water and asks, "Have you found Jesus, me brother?"The drunk answers, "No, oi haven't found Jesus!"By this time, the preacher is at his wits end and dunks the drunk again -- but this time holds him down for about 30 seconds, and when he begins kicking his arms and legs about, he pulls him up. The preacher again asks the drunk, "For the love of God, have you found Jesus?"(get ready for this.....)

The drunk staggers upright, wipes his eyes, coughs up a bit of water, catches his breath, and says to the preacher,***"Are you sure this is where he fell in"?

[Akitu]

Re: Joke of the Day

Apparently, someone in New York gets stabbed every 52 seconds. Poor bastard.

If I had a nickel for every time I failed math, I would have 23 cents.

I saw a man at the beach yelling "Help, shark! Help!" I just laughed, I knew that shark wasn't going to help him.

So, I tried to start a support group for people with sexual dysfunction... Nobody came.

I recently came into some money. The bank was disgusted.

And....

I went to the doctor's the other day to get a check up. Everything checked out ok, but the doctor recommended that I should stop masturbating. I asked him why, surely it's not dangerous to my health. He said it was distracting him.

[HenryT2]

Re: Joke of the Day

Best friend.jpg

[Lagonda]

Re: Joke of the Day

[NeoMatrix]

Re: Joke of the Day

Yeah I've heard it said that Sex is a bit like a bank account :

Once you withdraw you lose interest.........

[DWise]

[NeoMatrix]

Re: Joke of the Day

Billy, Mortin an Tex where all sitting down one day having a beer talking about their favorite sporting events.

Mortin archs up a conversation about family members.

Hey Tex did you know I have 9 boys in my family. Tex say's "yer dare bro dats enough for a basketball team".
Tex says "did you know I have 13 boys in my family". "Ok dare Tex", Mortin says "dats enough for a football team."

Billy sits quielty in the background slowly whinning to himself.Woe is me,woe is me...

Mortin say's "hey Billy,how many kids in your family ?"
Billys slowly looks ups and says, well... I have 17 girls.....

Mortin turns around and says --"hey Billy if you have one more girl dare bro you will have enough for a golf course.... !....

[Shadow]

Re: Joke of the Day

Three elderly golfers are walking down the fairway.

"Sixty is the worst age to be," said the 60-year-old, "You always feel like you have to pee. And most of the time nothing happens."

"Ah, that's nothing," said the 70-year-old. "When you're 70, you don't have a bowel movement anymore. You take laxatives, eat bran, you sit on the toilet all day and nothing happens."

"Actually," said the 80-year-old, "Eighty is the worst age of all."

"Do you have trouble peeing too?" asked the 60-year-old.

"No, I pee every morning at 6:00 am. I pee like a racehorse; no problem at all."

"Do you have trouble having a bowel movement?"

"No, I have one every morning at 6:30 am."

Puzzled with this the 60-year-old said,

"Let's get this straight. You pee every morning at 6:00 am and crap every morning at 6:30 am. So what's so tough about being 80?"







"I don't wake up until seven."