Not so funny joke of the day.

[michaelc]

Re: Not so funny joke of the day.

You have changed so many bits its must be a new machine (its a service done properly)
You can come and hoover my house if you want (some guy sitting behind a desk with a t-shirt and a scarf on, to which i replied 'i have a girlfriend' and turned my hoover back on )
This machine is a bag of spanners (nope its a bag of blue-tack, paper clips and staples - thanks to you)
Can we just have a new machine (yes, if i can have a new customer to go with it)

[mrwho]

Re: Not so funny joke of the day.

"can I just make 1 copy, and then you can continue"

When they ask that while the machine is obviously not able to copy (i.e. in pieces all around me), I just reply "Go ahead, help yourself!"

[Shadow]

Re: Not so funny joke of the day.

Oh " Mr. Fixit is here again! "
amazing how many clients refer to their tech in this manner.
one place I attend to has 6 floors with 5 machines on each floor, plus an untold number of printers.
ID 10 T is the most common error code in the place.

[SteveF]

The 1 i like is ...you should have your own cup by now ...to this i take a cup out of my case and say 1 sugar please ....priceless

[NeoMatrix]

Re: Not so funny joke of the day.

<sup>Ok you blokes have high-lighted all the best bad customer annecodes. So I will throw in a couple of negative-turned-positive quotes.
I hope the customer doesn't read this... or worse my wife....

I had a customer which has about 30-40 women working in a truely under machine resourced office. < add tears here>

The female senior manager along with 3 other nice looking women complained that I was up there fixing their machine so often that she was going to assign me a bed out the back room.

To which I replied "Love with all the good looking women you have working in this place you would'nt have to ask me twice."



True story.

Hey! I'm no oil painting to look at, by ya got sieze the moment...

And no , there was no bed incase you all ask......</sup>

[nmfaxman]

Re: Not so funny joke of the day.

In the theme of Mad magazine's "Snappy answers to stupid questions.) For Copier Techs.

1. I have a hammer/ gun/ dynamite if that will help. // I have my own fine adjustment tools thank you.

2. You're back. // And my front too.

3. Hasn't worked since the last tech was here.// I WAS the last tech here and the last problem was operator caused.

4. You are her so often we should give you a desk/ parking space/ coffee cup/ office.// I will settle for health insurance.

5. You are here so often we should invite you to the Xmas party.// I am Jewish! I don't have time for parties because I spend too much time babysitting operators like you.

6. Are you here again?// With that kind of attitude, I am surprised you are still here.

7. If it does it again I am going to roll it outside.// Can I watch you try? Your contract doesn't cover weather damage. You brake it, you buy it.

8. It must be bad, you have the book out.// Do you know what wire this goes to? Neither do I, that is why I need the book. Can you memorize 100 + error codes? Do you know the part number for this?

9. Can I make just 1 copy?// Knock yourself out!

10. Are you going to fix it right this time?// It was never broken, I just didn't fix you right, but I can't fix stupid.

11. Is it working?// No it is on a toner break.

12. Is it down?// No just a little depressed.

13. Did we buy a lemon?// No, that is just my cleaner you smell.

14. With so many parts I could get a new machine.// So if your car needs tires, do you buy a new car?

15. Will you clean my house.// Sure, you clean this toner mess and I will clean your clock.

16. I want a new machine.// I will be happy to sell you one, but I can't give you a trade in until you pay for this one.

17. Any of the above.// Laugh and say "That is the first time I heard that." Pause and say "This week."

Just some snappy answers I wish I could say some days.
Think about them when you get the questions and just sit there and giggle. Keeps them guessing.

[fixthecopier]

Re: Not so funny joke of the day.

A few years ago I walked in to a site and a guy said "Boy, I see you more than my wife". I just stood and looked at him and at the end of a long awkward pause I slowly ask in a low deep voice "Are......You......hitting on me??" His eyes got big, his smile went away and he forever left me alone.

[ddude]

Re: Not so funny joke of the day.

One time I responded to the ".. Are you here again?" comment with "No, I am here STILL- I got locked in last night because your staff decided to leave early"


-crickets-

[nmfaxman]

Re: Not so funny joke of the day.

Can I make just one copy?// Do you ask your mechanic if you can get in your car and just start it up?

[brewster67]

Re: Not so funny joke of the day.

One time I responded to the ".. Are you here again?" comment with "No, I am here STILL- I got locked in last night because your staff decided to leave early"

There have been multiple times that I've had then say "I have to leave can you lock up the office when you get done."

[KenB]

Re: Not so funny joke of the day.

There have been multiple times that I've had then say "I have to leave can you lock up the office when you get done."

I sure hope you said "No".

Accepting that would be the the definition of the word "liability".

[Rick Martinez]

Re: Not so funny joke of the day.

Yup specially when you are testing the equipment and the customer is watching and waititng for it to jam, and they always say "...its not doing it because you're here, but once you leave it jams..."

[nmfaxman]

Re: Not so funny joke of the day.

Yup specially when you are testing the equipment and the customer is watching and waititng for it to jam, and they always say "...its not doing it because you're here, but once you leave it jams..."

That is my out the door warranty. I will sit outside for 5 minutes, just to see if you call back.

[nmfaxman]

Re: Not so funny joke of the day.

My Office Manager got a call from a very rude and demanding customer the other day that demanded someone show up to remove a jam,"RIGHT NOW!!!!"In a calm voice she told the Bi*&h, "I'm sorry, but my Star Trek transporter is down and I am waiting for the tech to drive out here to fix it."By the time I got there, the Bi*&h had removed the jam herself and was surprised I showed up so fast, 45 minutes later.

[mrwho]

Re: Not so funny joke of the day.

Yup specially when you are testing the equipment and the customer is watching and waititng for it to jam, and they always say "...its not doing it because you're here, but once you leave it jams..."

When I finish checking/fixing a machine and I'm packing up to leave, when they ask me "Can I test it?" I usually reply "Not yet, let me grab my things first!"