Not so funny joke of the day.

[kingarthur]

Re: Not so funny joke of the day.

when i've finished a job, customers ask me if it's working...i never say yes...i always say "it appears to be", they ask me how long for, i reply,"it's guaranteed until i walk out of that door"

[Kidaver]

Re: Not so funny joke of the day.

Yeah I get the old "Well it's working because you are here." line all the time. I always tell them it's my special aura and then guarantee it until I leave the parking lot.

[Zackuth]

Re: Not so funny joke of the day.

I tell the customers that the copier company puts a special chip in my arm that sends a signal to the machine to operate correctly.

[Bantams]

Re: Not so funny joke of the day.

I get asked "is it broken?" or "can I use it?" whilst theres no covers on the machine and lots of pieces scattered around where im working on it.

Ive just stopped replying to them like whats the point?

[blsquires]

Re: Not so funny joke of the day.

i had a big government building i used to look after ,about 1000 staff and one copier .i got so fed up with the comments i made a sign and stuck it on the wall above the copier.
twelve things your technician has never heard
1/are you here again answer,no i am just a hologram.
2/has the machine broken down again. answer, no i just thought i would come in and strip your machine down as i have nothing else to do.
3/i know the machine is in a thousand bits but can i do one copy answer. no fork off.
4/you should have an office here answer. if i wanted to work with morons i possibly would.
5/we never had a problem with our old machine answer.of course you didnt thats why you got a new one.
6/the last tech said it was damp paper ,but we wrung it out and it still jams answer, tip the water out of the paper tray and try again
7/would a stick of dynamite help answer, only if you shove it up your rear end and light the fuse.
8/you should be on the payroll answer,why has your company decided that it needs someone intelligent on the staff.
9/our copies of invoices are getting lighter and lighter can you fix it answer,yes i will adjust your copier completely out of specs to save you buying a new ribbon for your dot matrix printer.
10/this machine would make a good boat anchor answer.i would have thought if you cant afford a good machine a good boat would be out of the question
11/you should be invited to the christmas staff party answer why do you want to punish me its not my fault if the machine keeps getting broken
12/the technician was only here a couple of weeks ago answer,how many months equal a week in the calender you are working from.

it deffinately stopped the silly questions and i even used to get good morning from most of them

[Copier Whisperer]

Re: Not so funny joke of the day.

While working on a copier in a church, and having the service manual open, the pastor said in a very condescending voice "I thought you knew how to work on these. Why do you need a book?" I looked directly in the eye and responded "Why do YOU need a book?" With as much indignation he could muster, he simply left the room. I never saw him again.

[nmfaxman]

Re: Not so funny joke of the day.

While working on a copier in a church, and having the service manual open, the pastor said in a very condescending voice "I thought you knew how to work on these. Why do you need a book?" I looked directly in the eye and responded "Why do YOU need a book?" With as much indignation he could muster, he simply left the room. I never saw him again.

He can't memorize one book, does he expect me to memorize 30 manuals?

[Shadow1]

Re: Not so funny joke of the day.

Yeah I get the old "Well it's working because you are here." line all the time. I always tell them it's my special aura and then guarantee it until I leave the parking lot.

Technician Halitosis - the machine wants me out of here asap, before I breath on it again.

[Akitu]

Re: Not so funny joke of the day.

Technician Halitosis - the machine wants me out of here asap, before I breath on it again.

I just tell them it's the new technician awareness feature they've been installing on all the copiers. 100% fault free operation as long as there is a tech in the nearby vicinity. When it doesn't work I tell them the technician awareness feature isn't working currently, and as a result there's something else out of whack with the machine.

[ssbmi]

Re: Not so funny joke of the day.

"WE need a new machine" I hear it all the time. my reply is always the same "I'm giving you a new machine 1 part at a time"

[CompyTech]

Re: Not so funny joke of the day.

Customer breaks part off in machine, screams they want a loaner. Why would we give you a good working copier when you can't even operate your current machine correctly?

Sent from my Nexus 7 using Tapatalk

[bigdaddy]

Re: Not so funny joke of the day.

Working in the healthcare industry I hear "I think it's about time for an upgrade". Usually this is said when they have had repeated jams because of feed rollers. I have found that if I say "you know that's a great idea, instead of putting an $8 set of feed rollers on, let's go talk to your boss about buying a new machine."

majority of of the time they laugh. Once the joke was on me when we actually talked to their boss and they bought a new machine! Now, I just keep my mouth shut.

[CompyTech]

Re: Not so funny joke of the day.

Working in the healthcare industry I hear "I think it's about time for an upgrade". Usually this is said when they have had repeated jams because of feed rollers. I have found that if I say "you know that's a great idea, instead of putting an $8 set of feed rollers on, let's go talk to your boss about buying a new machine."

majority of of the time they laugh. Once the joke was on me when we actually talked to their boss and they bought a new machine! Now, I just keep my mouth shut.

I see this too sometimes.. Hey, if it gets a sale for the company, why not? You get paid either way. Lol!

Sent from my Nexus 7 using Tapatalk

[mohan]

Re: Not so funny joke of the day.

You know the type of joke you hear routinely from customers like, "I have a hammer if you want to borrow it" or "that machine would make a good fishing drop" or "I hope you can get that back together."

I get this shit all day long, add your own favorite.

They park their machine in a tiny inaccessible space, and if you ask whether you could move it to a place where you can actually work on it, they look at you like you've just asked for the soul of their first-born!

[bigdaddy]

Re: Not so funny joke of the day.

Yup specially when you are testing the equipment and the customer is watching and waititng for it to jam, and they always say "...its not doing it because you're here, but once you leave it jams..."