Smart ass responses you've gave to customers

[JR2ALTA]

Re: Smart ass responses you've gave to customers

Whenever I get the ole "it was running 200lbs paper fine before" i say "i believe you, but remember most cars can go 100mph but if you try that everyday it will break down" or same variation of that idea.

[Iowatech]

Re: Smart ass responses you've gave to customers

I don't know how relevant this is, but anymore if I'm told "we'll just call you if there are any more problems" after I tell the users the machine is is fixed, I'll go back to the machine and run between 100 and 200 more prints through the machine to make sure that is unlikely to happen right away.

[Debs1964]

Re: Smart ass responses you've gave to customers

Years ago, after several visits to a customer who was using very cheap paper that was over A4 size and kept jamming (I had already told them about this and suggested that they should feed it SEF if they were not prepared to get proper A4 paper), they insisted that I fix it! So I stood back, pointed at my tool case, and told them that if they could find the magic wand amongst my tools then I would fix it for them...I do believe I never went back to that account after that.

Being a female tech I regularly get some helpful person in an office tell me that the copier isn't working when I walk up to it, my stock reply is "there wouldn't be much point in me being here if it was"

[allan]

Re: Smart ass responses you've gave to customers

Customer complains about color matching on a small powder rotary printer. He was trying to print photos from his digital camera. The 2nd time i was called back for this i was left alone in his office with camera laptop and printer. Took a picture in the room of a magazine cover and printed it. Color matching was good from Minolta camera to Minolta printer. So to fix the problem he had i adjusted the screen to match the printout. Silly but happy customer. Now couple of years later i know how to calibrate screens and printers the proper way.

[fixthecopier]

Re: Smart ass responses you've gave to customers

When telling someone the document feeder was not designed to feed stacks of paper that had been tri-folded and mailed back to her, complete with coffee stains and scotch tape...

"The other machine we had could do it"

me..."Well you really screwed up when you let that magic piece of technology get away"

[kingarthur]

Re: Smart ass responses you've gave to customers

had a customer that always used to give me a hard time in her office, one day she said to me "i want you to stay here until it's fixed, even if it takes all night!"....i replied "fine....which side of the bed do you want"....she glared at me...then burst laughing, after that she treated me differently

[PeterG]

Re: Smart ass responses you've gave to customers

Walked into a local schools admin office full of middle aged women.
The lady in charge announced loudly, "Are you here for a service".
I quickly replied, "Sounds good to me. But I was only going to look at your copier".
She turned scarlet & burst out laughing. It bought the house down.

[mojorolla]

Re: Smart ass responses you've gave to customers

Customer : Can I axe you a question?
Me : Can I stab you an answer?

[Shadow1]

Re: Smart ass responses you've gave to customers

Fixing a machine at the local police station... scratch that - Fixing an idiot cop who thinks the machine should be able to run paper that reminds me very strongly of the corrugated cardboard box that it came in and he tells me, "what do you mean its out of spec? We run it all the time and it doesn't usually give us any problem."

I tried, I swear I did, but I just couldn't hold this one in... "I drive drunk all the time... its not usually a problem."

You've heard the expression,"cop an attitude?"

He knows my vehicle.
He knows the license plate number.
I'm sure he now has my home address...

Fortunately the rest of the precinct thought it was hilarious.

[Exok]

Re: Smart ass responses you've gave to customers

I use this one often. When a customer asks me if they can do anything to keep their problem from returning I always say, "Yes, stop pressing the green button on the front panel. That breaks more copiers than anything I've seen."

When the machine I'm working on is all apart and a customer walks in and asks me if they can make a copy, my reply is, "That depends on whether or not you brought a pencil with you."

[campy]

Re: Smart ass responses you've gave to customers

I was at a training class many years ago with a guy that was telling us story of what he said to a customer one day. It happen to be a doctor and while he was there fixing the copier the doctor asked him why he has to keep coming back, and with a straight face he asked the doctor why his patients keep coming back.

[MunsterTech]

[StrippedScrew]

Re: Smart ass responses you've gave to customers

Had a good one the other day, the key op has a good sense of humor, so she comes up to me while I'm working on this antique HP and says "Whats wrong with this piece of $hit this time?", I looked up at her and said "your question just answered itself". The whole office just lost it!

[allan]

Re: Smart ass responses you've gave to customers

Working in africa you get a good mix of dumb and arrogant. Found a virus on one(all) of the government computers. The lady ask me what is wrong and i responded by say its got a virus, so she asked what kind of virus. My response to that was "HIV", I then watched her slowly moving away from her computer with a look of shock on her face.

[Debs1964]

Re: Smart ass responses you've gave to customers

I have a fairly new customer, I've only been in there a couple of times, the IT guy in charge of all the machines keeps complaining about EVERYTHING, and saying his 10 year old Sharp machines didn't do that, didn't need that, didn't have to do that to get machine to do this...you get the idea.

First time I went in there I had to seriously bite my tongue to stop myself from saying something out loud when he mentioned his 10 year old Sharp approximately 10 times in a 5 minute conversation. I got called in last Friday as the machine was printing documents smaller than A4, they wanted it to fill the A4 page. I called him before visiting to explain that this is not a printer issue, it's a page setup problem, I got the standard reply...it doesn't print like that on our 10 year old Sharp!! I wasn't going to get anywhere on the phone so I agreed to visit. I got in there and he demonstrated what the machine was doing, I showed him that there is an underline that runs the full width of the paper, so this is part of the printable area...BUT it never did that on their 10 year old Sharp!!

Luckily they still have the 10 year old Sharp on site, so he added it as a printer again to this users PC and printed the same document.

Sometimes you don't need to give a smart ass response, it happens without words being uttered, when he retrieved the print from the 10 year old Sharp it was exactly the same as the new printer

It appears that the website they print shipping labels from must have changed the page layout, I bet I don't hear any more about their bloody 10 year old Sharp machines