Smart ass responses you've gave to customers

[8050]

Alright, we're in the service business and we're supposed to treat our customers with respect. Unfortunately the same courtesy usually are never reciprocated by some customers (note I said some). Now, I'll admit on a few occasions my patience wore thin and I've said some pretty smart things to customers, not a vulgar laden rant mind you but a response the customer usually don't want to hear. Here's some that I can remember.

A customer's fuser unit went bad and actually had a meltdown. All the customer ever did was bitch and moan about how bad the machine was and when I gave him the news he went into his tirade again. After catching his breath he looks at me then said, "Now what am I supposed to do?" I looked him dead in the eye and said, "Wait." He was furious! LOL!

Another customer called on her fax and claimed it kept jamming. Now upon arriving at this customer she began to immediately talk down to me. I kept my cool and just kept on being professional but she went on, and on, and on. When I got to the fax it turned out the paper tray was configured for a different paper size, hence the jamming. I told her it was operator error. So instead of admitting fault she blamed my company for NOT training her properly. When I pointed out to her that there are operator manuals she can refer to she said point blank to me, "Operator manuals? I don't read operator manuals, your company has to send someone to train me!" The fax has been there for over a year. I've finally had enough of her nonsense so I said, "In that case ma'am, I'll have to inform you if you make another operator error call I'll have to bill you!" You heard of Mt. St. Helena? Peanuts. Needless to say I got thrown out of the office! But before leaving I told the woman she was unprofessional! LOL!

How about you guys and gals? Any smart ass answers you gave to anal customers?

[blackcat4866]

Ok, I've got a story. But there weren't any smart ass comments. As a matter of fact there were no comments at all, but listen...

The company I was with had just placed a 45cpm Mita analog (I'm thinking it was a 4585, but that's not crucial) at this lawyers office. The machine had been there for perhaps two hours when we got the first service call. The document feeder was jamming all the time, and I was elected to go there (by a four to 1 vote).

I got a chance to look at the machine. The originals had come off their old Xerox with an open fuser oil reservior, and the originals were so slippery I could hardly hold them in my hands. No wonder the RADF couldn't pick them up. New paper out of the tray, and my test originals worked fine when the tires were cleaned.

I don't remember the lawyers name. He was perhaps 60" tall and about 225 lbs. He came into the room speaking very loudly. After perhaps 15 minutes I got a chance to respond to his complaints and threats. He didn't like my explanation very much, and proceeded to yell at me more.

His breath was hot on my face, and his spitting didn't help my state of mind either. He was close to bursting a few buttons on his expensive suit, when our salesman walked in. He took a look at me, then put his arm around my shoulder and said "Thanks, that will be enough for now." He gave me a nice little shove towards the door.

He told me later that I had turned a most interesting color of purple, and was gripping my #2 phillips very tightly upon his arrival.

And not one smart comment. =^..^=

[Venom]

I went in to service a Mita DC4585 at a customer's and a lady (office manager) yells "YOU HERE AGAIN?"
Without missing a beat I replied " I just don't feel the love anymore"
The whole office laughed and I was proud of myself for getting the office manager to laugh and walk away.

[vincent64]

Whenever I hear the "What, you here again?" line, my answer is, "I never left"
I have never had anyone get in my face like the earlier one, I guess cause I am 6'1" and tip a bit over 300 lb.
There have been a few times I wanted to pop off, but I bite my tounge and keep on going.
But I also will not put up with the getting into my face, I will pack up tools and walk out, call the SM and let him know whats up.
But to date its never happend once in 10 years.

[mrwho]

Not copier related, but my wife, who works with children received a call from an irate mother whose husband - not listening the advises he was given about the fresh paint the kids were using to paint some white shirts - had sat on top of the table where some shirts were put to dry. Result: a completely stained (and expensive) jacket.

The mad woman was yelling at the phone: "Now what can I use to remove these stains?"

her response: "Scisors."

[Shadow1]

But I also will not put up with the getting into my face, I will pack up tools and walk out, call the SM and let him know whats up.
But to date its never happend once in 10 years.

Before I was a copy tech I was a computer tech, and I did walk out once. Basically told the customer to call me when she was ready to get her computer fixed.

She caught me halfway across the parking lot and of course she wanted it fixed now. I told her that was fine, but I didn't want to hear annother word out of her.

One of the guys at their office said he was going to buy me a beer after I got done - He'd never seen anybody shut his wife down like that...

[TheOwl]

Here's a couple of mine.

Customer: "Why does this heap of s#!t keep breaking down"?
Me: "Because you keep using it"!

Customer rings up after hours and I was silly enough to answer the phone. The customer was complaining that the printer had broken down. After 20 mins on the phone, I finally discover that it wasn't a printer, it was their copier. I inform the customer that I wouldn't be able to get out there until tomorrow.

The next day, I turn up to the customer's site and have a look at the machine. It was turned off. Suprise suprise! So I turn it on, but the machine still didn't fire up, so I look at the power point and there's the problem. I inform the customer that the power point had been turned off and the conversation then went a something like this:

Customer: "Well how did the printer turn the power point off"?
Me: "The copier didn't turn the power point off, someone from here has".
Customer: "But everyone here knows not to touch that power point".
Me: "Well someone has turned off that power point because the machine is not a Transformer and I don't think that Gremlins really exist".

After that, I walked out and got my SM to send through a bill. I then got a phone call from the customers manager apologising as they found that the cleaners had been using that power point to vacuum and forgot to turn the copier back on.

HAHAHAHAHA!!! Win Win for the copier tech.

[rh112]

Been about 15 years or so ago about this time of year was on new install as I was trying to instruct users the supervisor would say but the salesman said it would do this after about the fifth time of hearing but the salesman said I turned to her and said if the salesman told you Santa Claus was coming to see you would you believe him

[fixthecopier]

My best has always been, "A new copier will not make the people using it any smarter than they already are" This was my response to being ask for a new machine after they had called me twice in two weeks after loading the paper wrong in the tray. The lady in charge slammed the door on her way out.

[kingarthur]

this isn't actually a smart arse reply, but how i dealt with a difficult customer. She was complaining that the copies were too light, so after adjusting the exposure a couple of times, after which she insisted on checking the copy everytime, i decided to do nothing & just kept taking a copy, leaving it at the same exposure, until she decided that the machine was set up at the correct exposure for her. I use that "trick" quite often now, saves a lot of messing about.

[gwaddle]

this isn't actually a smart arse reply, but how i dealt with a difficult customer. She was complaining that the copies were too light, so after adjusting the exposure a couple of times, after which she insisted on checking the copy everytime, i decided to do nothing & just kept taking a copy, leaving it at the same exposure, until she decided that the machine was set up at the correct exposure for her. I use that "trick" quite often now, saves a lot of messing about.

I did about the same thing when I was working for a heating contractor. Had a customer in an apartment who complained her furnace was not putting out enough heat. I went to check it and found that the furnace was doing all it was going to do, some apartment furnaces aren't the best, so I opened the thermostat and bent the needle 2 degrees warmer. Never heard back from her.

[DavePo]

[QUOTE=gwaddle;113302 so I opened the thermostat and bent the needle 2 degrees warmer. Never heard back from her.[/QUOTE]

Now if you can figure out how to do that with digital thermostats it would be great

[gwaddle]

Fortunately, that was back in the olden days.

[8050]

I did about the same thing when I was working for a heating contractor. Had a customer in an apartment who complained her furnace was not putting out enough heat. I went to check it and found that the furnace was doing all it was going to do, some apartment furnaces aren't the best, so I opened the thermostat and bent the needle 2 degrees warmer. Never heard back from her.

Now that is what I call a "Field modification"! LOL! + rep for that one!!

[Shadow1]

I was at one of the few great customers with a sense of humor that you can really have fun with a few days ago...

They asked one of those "are you fixing the copier" type questions and I gave her one of my "No, I'm tuning up your nuclear reactor, have you noticed anybody glowing in the dark" responses.

She called me a smartass

I said "Now that's a sign of quality intelligence, when people acknowledge that even my ass is smarter than theirs!"

I thought people were literally going to fall on the floor laughing.