Joke of the Day

[tsbservice]

Re: Joke of the Day

Why Jackie Changed Motels


Last week, a lady named Jackie checked into a motel on her 70th birthday and she was a bit lonely.
She thought,

"I'll call one of those men you see advertised in phone books for escorts and sensual massages."

She looked through the phone book, found a full page ad for a guy calling himself Tender Tony - a very handsome man with assorted physical skills flexing in the photo.
He had all the right muscles in all the right places, thick wavy hair, long powerful legs, dazzling smile, six pack abs and she felt quite certain she could bounce a quarter off his well oiled bum....She figured, what the heck, nobody will ever know. I'll give him a call.Afraid she would lose her nerve if she hesitated, she rushed right in,He said,

"That sounds absolutely fantastic, but you need to press 9 for an outside line."

[tsbservice]

Re: Joke of the Day

How to tell you've been really bad this Christmas

[tsbservice]

Re: Joke of the Day

Smart Professor


At Penn State University, there were four sophomores taking chemistry, and all of them had an 'A', so far.

These four friends were so confident that, the weekend before finals, they decided to visit some friends and have a big party. They had a great time but, after all the hearty partying, they slept all day Sunday and didn't make it back to Penn State until early Monday morning.

Rather than taking the final then, they decided that after the final they would explain to their professor why they missed it.

They said that they visited friends, but on the way back they had a flat tire. As a result, they missed the final. The professor agreed they could make up the final the next day. The guys were excited and relieved. They studied that night for the exam.

The next day the Professor placed them in separate rooms and gave them a test booklet. They quickly answered the first problem worth 5 points.

Cool, they thought. Each one in separate rooms, thinking this was going to be easy.... then they turned the page. On the second page was written.....

For 95 points:

Which tire? _________

[tsbservice]

Re: Joke of the Day

The secret of enjoying a good wine:

1. Open the bottle to allow it to breathe
   
2. If it does not look like it's breathing, give it mouth-to-mouth.

[tsbservice]

Re: Joke of the Day

Hot and Cold

After an examination, the doctor said to his elderly patient:

'You appear to be in good health. Do you have any medical concerns you would like to ask me about?'

'In fact, I do.' said the old man.

"After my wife and I have sex, I'm usually cold and chilly; and then, after I have sex with her the second time, I'm usually hot and sweaty."

When the doctor examined his elderly wife a short time later he said,

'Everything appears to be fine. Are there any medical concerns that you would like to discuss with me?'

The lady replied that she had no questions or concerns.
The doctor then said to her:

'Your husband mentioned an unusual problem. He claimed that he was usually cold and chilly after having sex with you the first time; and then hot and sweaty after the second time. Do you have any idea about why?'

"Oh, that crazy old bastard'' she replied.

''That's because the first time is usually in August, and the second time is in January.

[slimslob]

Re: Joke of the Day

[slimslob]

Re: Joke of the Day

[tsbservice]

Re: Joke of the Day

Even good idea is to use them (rockets) for stupidity... we may drop off most of our customers though

[izzynut]

Re: Joke of the Day

F0D24237-3549-4B73-B221-20BA0B06C7C8.jpg

[izzynut]

Re: Joke of the Day

52B4B61D-679C-4DA0-AEF5-F21226FE4259.jpg

[izzynut]

Re: Joke of the Day

4D88A173-85A9-424A-BE17-476E70E6FE48.jpg

[izzynut]

Re: Joke of the Day

WHAT STARTS WITH AN "F"

A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her more precocious students. The teacher asked, 'Harry, what exactly is your problem?'
Harry answered, 'I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!'

Ms. Brooks finally had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office.
While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained the situation to the principal. The principal told Ms. Brooks he would give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his questions, he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave. She agreed.

Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he happily agreed to take the test.
Principal: 'What is 3 x 3?'Harry:'9.'
Principal: 'What is6 x 6?'Harry:'36.'

And so it went with every question the principal thought a bright 3rd grader should know.
The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her, 'You know, I reckon Harry can go to the 3rdgrade.'
But Ms. Brooks is still skeptical of the little bugger and says to the principal, 'Not so fast, let me ask him a few questions.. 'The principal and Harry both agree.

Ms. Brooks asks, 'What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?'
Harry, after a moment: 'Legs..'
Ms. Brooks: 'What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?'
The principal wondered why would she ask such a question.
Harry replied:
Ms. Brooks: 'What does a dog do that a man steps into? 'Harry: 'Pants.'
By now, the principal is sitting forward with his mouth hanging open..
Ms. Brooks: 'What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?'
Harry: 'Shake hands.'

The principal is now trembling with apprehension as Ms. Brooks asks the last question......
Ms. Brooks: 'What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' and indicates a great deal of heat and excitement?'
Harry: 'Firetruck.'

The principal breaths a huge sigh of relief and tells the teacher, "Put the little shit in 5th-Grade, I got the last five questions wrong myself.."

[slimslob]

Re: Joke of the Day

WHAT STARTS WITH AN "F"

A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her more precocious students. The teacher asked, 'Harry, what exactly is your problem?'
Harry answered, 'I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!'

Ms. Brooks finally had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office.
While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained the situation to the principal. The principal told Ms. Brooks he would give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his questions, he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave. She agreed.

Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he happily agreed to take the test.
Principal: 'What is 3 x 3?'Harry:'9.'
Principal: 'What is6 x 6?'Harry:'36.'

And so it went with every question the principal thought a bright 3rd grader should know.
The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her, 'You know, I reckon Harry can go to the 3rdgrade.'
But Ms. Brooks is still skeptical of the little bugger and says to the principal, 'Not so fast, let me ask him a few questions.. 'The principal and Harry both agree.

Ms. Brooks asks, 'What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?'
Harry, after a moment: 'Legs..'
Ms. Brooks: 'What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?'
The principal wondered why would she ask such a question.
Harry replied:
Ms. Brooks: 'What does a dog do that a man steps into? 'Harry: 'Pants.'
By now, the principal is sitting forward with his mouth hanging open..
Ms. Brooks: 'What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?'
Harry: 'Shake hands.'

The principal is now trembling with apprehension as Ms. Brooks asks the last question......
Ms. Brooks: 'What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' and indicates a great deal of heat and excitement?'
Harry: 'Firetruck.'

The principal breaths a huge sigh of relief and tells the teacher, "Put the little shit in 5th-Grade, I got the last five questions wrong myself.."

They forgot to ask him one additional question. They should have also asked him he a turtle. Having already answered the entrance exam questions for the Ancient and Honorable Order of Turtles his prompt and proper answer should have been to say as loud as possible "You Bet Your Sweet Ass I Am."

[slimslob]

Re: Joke of the Day

[slimslob]

Re: Joke of the Day

Pot bust made on Stoner Drive