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Re: Joke of the Day
The wisdom of age
Yesterday morning I bought two six packs of beer on sale at the Liquor Store.
I placed them on the front seat of the car and headed back home.
I stopped at the service station where a drop-dead gorgeous, almost blonde was filling up her car at the next pump.
It was very warm and she was wearing tight shorts and a light top which was wide open.
She glanced at the beer, bent over and knocked on my passenger window.
With her bra-less breasts almost falling out ofher skimpy top she said, in a sexy voice,
“I'm a big believer in barter, old fellow. Would you be interested in trading sex for beer?"
I thought for a few seconds and asked, "What kind of beer you got?"Comment
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Re: Joke of the Day
Men beware.
Here's your English lesson for the day! "Complete" or "Finished"?
No dictionary has ever been able to satisfactorily define the difference
between "complete" and "finished."
However, during a recent linguistic conference, held in London, England, and
attended by some of the best linguists in the world, Samsundar Balgobin, a
Guyanese linguist, was the presenter when he was asked to make that very
distinction.
The question put to him by a colleague in the erudite audience was this:
"Some say there is no difference between 'complete' and 'finished.'
Please explain the difference in a way that is easy to understand."
Mr. Balgobin's response:
"When you marry the right woman, you are 'complete.' If you marry the wrong
woman, you are 'finished.'
And, if the right one catches you with the wrong one, you are 'completely
finished.'
When the right one is finally done with your sorry ass, you are "finished
completely".
His answer received a five minute standing ovation.Comment
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Re: Joke of the Day
Old Fart Football
An old married couple no sooner hit the pillows when the old man passes gas and says, 'Seven Points.'
His wife rolls over and says, 'What in the world was that?'
The old man replied, 'its fart football.'
A few minutes later his wife lets one go and says,'Touchdown, tie score...'
After about five minutes the old man lets another one go and says,
'Aha. I'm ahead 14 to 7.'
Not to be outdone the wife rips out another one and says,
'Touchdown, tie score.'
Five seconds go by and she lets out a little squeaker and says,
'Field goal, I lead 17 to 14.' Now the pressure is on the old man.
He refuses to get beaten by a woman, so he strains real hard.
Since defeat is totally unacceptable, he gives it everything he's got, and accidentally shits in the bed.
The wife says, 'What the hell was that?'
The old man says, 'Half time, switch sidesComment
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Re: Joke of the Day
An elderly couple return to a Mercedes dealership where the salesman has just sold the car they were interested in to a beautiful, leggy, busty blonde.
"I thought you said you would hold that car till we raised the $75,000 asking price," said the man. "Yet I just heard you closed the deal for $65,000 to that lovely young lady there. You insisted there could be no discount on this model."
"Well, what can I tell you? She had the ready cash and, just look at her, how could I resist?" replied the grinning salesman.
Just then the young woman approached the aged couple and gave them the keys.
"There you go," she said. "I told you I would get thedope to reduce it. See you later, grandpa.
Never mess with the elderly!Comment
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Re: Joke of the Day
The Newfoundland Department of Employment believed a boat owner wasn't paying proper wages to his help.
An agent was sent to the fishing village of Burin to investigate the boat owner.
GOVT AGENT: "I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them".
Boat Owner: "Well, there's Clarence, my hired hand. He's been with me for 3 years.
I pay him $200 a week plus free room and board.
Then there's the mentally challenged guy.
He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of the work around here.
He makes about $10 per week, and pays his own room and board.
I buy him a bottle of Lamb's rum and a dozen Labatt Lite every Saturday night so he can cope with life.
Also, he gets to sleep with my wife occasionally".
GOVT AGENT: "That's the guy I want to talk to - the mentally challenged one".
Boat Owner: "That'll be me. What'd you want to know?Comment
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Re: Joke of the Day
Late one evening a Marine pulled into a little town, only to find that every hotel room was taken.
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Re: Joke of the Day
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