What is the dumbist customer comment/question you've heard?

[tonerhead]

Re: What is the dumbist customer comment/question you've heard?

I had one a few years back. I walk into the store and the customer berates me from when I first enter. How I haven't been doing a good job and they pay so much money for service, blah, blah. Then he proceeds to say things broke yesterday 1/2 hour after I left. Wait a minute, I wasn't here yesterday. I pull up the machine history on my cell. We haven't been here for over 4 months, I told him. He looks at me and says who was here yesterday then? I told him, no one from our office. So I ask him, what specific problems are you having with the copier? Copier!?! I called for service for the phone system. That SOB never did appoligize except to say "sorry for calling you guys, wrong company" Should have billed even though it was a contract.

[tonerhead]

Re: What is the dumbist customer comment/question you've heard?

Here is another one of my favorites that happened more than once in stores. This was back in the stone age when I was required to wear a tie and sport coat. Back then stores had copiers in the customer service areas in the stores. I would be rebuilding an assembly and store patrons would come up and say I need to exchange these shoes, what aisle is the tooth paste in, etc. I would always respond, sorry, I don't work here. I remember some lady replying "if you don't work here, can you find me someone who does?" Some people are just hit with a stupid stick at birth I guess.

[tsbservice]

Re: What is the dumbist customer comment/question you've heard?

I remember something actually opposite to this thread main heroes( brainwashed people).
I was working at some notary office. I hated them all because they were overcrowded, personal was rude and always in a rush and they treated machines badly. This time was different -huge calm office with classic yet classy furniture. I just finished working on the machine and actually wanted to wash my hands before doing some final tests when the office owner comes. He looked me and asked if the machine is repaired?
I said 'I think so just need to make some final testing'.
He walked toward me wanting to shake my hand and say me Thanks.
I was like' but my hands are dirty'.
He tells 'There is no such thing like dirty working hands'!
I was young but smart enough to take his words with me through the years.

[Copier Whisperer]

Re: What is the dumbist customer comment/question you've heard?

Not a stupid customer comment, but a funny event. Back in the early 1980's, I was dispatched to a call at a large farm in Southern Illinois. On arrival, I couldn't determine which building the machine was located, so I went to the farm house to ask. An old lady took one look at me and said "Oh, here you are. Come on in." She took me into a room with nothing but a few chairs and a grand piano. She pointed at the piano and said "Here it is." I looked at the piano and noticed it was a Bosendorfer, one of the most expensive pianos you can buy. I said I'm not going near that thing. I'm here to fix a copier. She laughed because she had called the piano tuner and thought I was him. She pointed out the correct building. I left the house and pondered how a Bosendorfer piano found it's way to a farm in Southern Illinois.

[Drivee]

Re: What is the dumbist customer comment/question you've heard?

Customer: You cartridge is too small for my printer.
He send picture of brother TN cartridge and picture of OPC+Cartridge which he take out of pritner. My cartridge was too small

[tonerhead]

Re: What is the dumbist customer comment/question you've heard?

Back in the good old days of actually pouring toner into a hopper from a bottle. I had a customer put minolta toner into a toshiba copier. Needless to say the inside of the toshie looked like a toner bomb went off in it. When I asked why they put minolta toner in a toshie, the reply was motor oil is motor oil whether it comes from Pennzoil, Quaker State, or Havoline. We bought the minolta toner because it was cheaper. Toner is toner right?

[HBenz]

Re: What is the dumbist customer comment/question you've heard?

Installing a bran new MFP with all the optional extras - bulk tray, finisher etc. etc. The user asked me what else the machine can do? So I replied we are just waiting for the ad on module so you can make coffee too. He asked me whether its instant or peculated?

[Big Durbs]

Re: What is the dumbist customer comment/question you've heard?

Installing a bran new MFP with all the optional extras - bulk tray, finisher etc. etc. The user asked me what else the machine can do? So I replied we are just waiting for the ad on module so you can make coffee too. He asked me whether its instant or peculated?

and the MFP prints your name on the side of the cup so you know whos coffee it is at the end of the counter :-)

[tonerhead]

Re: What is the dumbist customer comment/question you've heard?

Just had another yesterday. Got called to a high school yesterday for jamming on a production machine. I took the paper out of the tray and the corner was all mashed up on about 1/2 ream. I took the paper out, reloaded good paper and it ran like a champ. Upon leaving I show the secretary my find. She said "Why does the machine mash the paper that way?"

DOH, DOH, DOH, DOH

[tonerhead]

Re: What is the dumbist customer comment/question you've heard?

I wish I had a nickel for every "Oh I see you are back again" "We should put you on our staff" "Of course it won't act up, you're here" "that machine has never worked correctly" "Can I make a copy even though you have it in pieces" "What did you find out?" as you just took your coat off. You can't service it now as it is starting to send a 40 page fax. "I don't have time to fan the paper" "we upgraded our internet and now we can't print/scan and our IT says you need to fix the problem" "it's 4:45 on Friday, what do you mean you can't come until Monday" "but the salesman said"

[BillyCarpenter]

Re: What is the dumbist customer comment/question you've heard?

I wish I had a nickel for every "Oh I see you are back again" "We should put you on our staff" "Of course it won't act up, you're here" "that machine has never worked correctly" "Can I make a copy even though you have it in pieces" "What did you find out?" as you just took your coat off. You can't service it now as it is starting to send a 40 page fax. "I don't have time to fan the paper" "we upgraded our internet and now we can't print/scan and our IT says you need to fix the problem" "it's 4:45 on Friday, what do you mean you can't come until Monday" "but the salesman said"

That's funny. I've heard every one of those.

[BillyCarpenter]

Re: What is the dumbist customer comment/question you've heard?

Stop me if you already heard this. I was working on a 3M copier years ago at a church. I had to refer to the service manual for some adjustments. This was back when service manuals were actual books. The pastor of the church, a real smartass, smirked "I thought you knew how to fix these. Why do you need a book?" I looked right at him and said "Why do YOU need a book?" He became indignant and stormed out of the office. It was one of my best days.

I just read this. NOW THAT'S FUNNY. AS HELL. Props.

[Bob Voigt]

Re: What is the dumbist customer comment/question you've heard?

Sir or madam, your service contract covers parts and labor Stupid questions, snarky remarks, second guesses, bringing me down, are billable time at $$$/hour.

[Bob Voigt]

Re: What is the dumbist customer comment/question you've heard?

Doozy of the day.


Customer stopped sending/receiving faxes this morning and calls in for service.

Me calling: I hear you can't send/receive faxes

Her: That's right, we are a nurses station and we need to fax

Me: Touch the off hook icon, do you hear a dial tone?

Her: No dial tone

Me: You need to have someone check your phone line

Her: Why? All of the other phones are working, but your fax isn't

Me: Just because the phones are working, doesn't mean your fax line is.

Her: I don't know why the fax wouldn't work if the phones are working, I need you to check out the fax.

One hour later I arrive and I plug my testset in, dead phone line.

I unplug the line from their deskphone and plug it into the fax with dial tone

Me: See you have dial tone if I plug in the desk phone line. I proceeded to fax to our office in front of her.

Her: Does this mean I have to call the phone company?

Me: yes it does, I can not fix your phone line

Her: Just leave it plugged into the one that works, we don't use that desk phone anyway

Me: you can likely send all day from fax, but it won't receive on this line as it is an extension, not direct out connection

Her: so you mean I have to call the phone company?

Me: YESSSS

Her: I just don't get it, all of the other phones work just fine

AND THIS WAS THE FRITTEN CHARGE NURSE!!!!!
I feel sorry for her patients.

Only if you want to send and receive faxes.

[Bob Voigt]

Re: What is the dumbist customer comment/question you've heard?

If y'all don't mind, I'd like to enter my most recent dumbass customer candidate. This happened yesterday.


I get a call from this young lady at a car lot who informs me that she can no longer scan to her PC. So, I arrive at the car lot and she walks over to the copier to show me that she can no longer scan. I sit down at her PC and there's no scan folder. I also notice that there's a generic print driver installed.

I asked if anyone had been jacking around on this PC and they said no. Then someone spoke up and said that this was a new (used)computer that was installed a few weeks ago.


I simply don't have the patience that I once had. It's getting harder and harder to bite my tongue.


Peace out.

Billable time.