What is the dumbist customer comment/question you've heard?

[slimslob]

Re: What is the dumbist customer comment/question you've heard?

Had an instance many years ago where the machine would jam every time they copied a particular type of original. I was a shipping invoice that they needed to copy 2 sided and had a wide full bleed bans at the top. No matter which edge they ran it use SEF paper, the lead edge on one of the sides would stick to either the hot roller or the pressure roller. I tried LEF and it worked just fine.

[BillyCarpenter]

Re: What is the dumbist customer comment/question you've heard?

This is a situation where asking detailed questions can uncover the problem. When there's a jamming problem...especially a repeat call for jamming, I always ask the customer if they're printing on any special kind of paper. And I'll always look at their paper cabinet. Then I'll ask them to print out exactly what they were doing when they experienced the jam.

[blackcat4866]

Re: What is the dumbist customer comment/question you've heard?

It's funny how pre-perforated paper never buckles properly when the perfs are in the crossfeed direction.

Yeah, I've fought this battle before. The keyop that you talk to knows nothing about the issue " ... I just make the phone call." If you're lucky you can find a few crumpled samples in the waste basket. That's the first thing I do on a jamming call that won't jam ... dump out the waste basket to see whats there. =^..^=

[tonerhead]

Re: What is the dumbist customer comment/question you've heard?

Just had an interesting one that is a 2.5 hr drive out from the office. Call was for jamming. I go out and find a legit issue. Fixed issue. Ran a bunch no more issue. Tuesday get a call for jamming again. Go out Wed, ran 1200 no jamming found nothing but some paper scraps laying around. Thurs call comes in for jamming again. I go out Friday and run 1400 without a jam. Ready to give up when the machine ran out of paper. I told the customer that I ran 1400 with no issue but the machine was now out of paper and I wanted to reload the trays for him. Customer took me to the supply closet and said this shelf of paper is plain paper and this shelf is our "billing paper". What the #$@# is billing paper? Turns out it was pre-printed perferated paper. I took some of that and immediately the machine jammed. So I'm talking with customer, who gets the jams and what are they doing when jam occurrs. Turns out the night crew comes in, loads the machine up with "billing paper" and prints out the days invoices for customer mailings. I rotated the paper to landscape and it fed ok. I had them run a couple test billings and it worked fine. And as Paul Harvey used to say "Now you know the rest of the story" Fortunate for me, I would have never found the issue had I not run the machine out of paper.

[Wild140!]

Re: What is the dumbist customer comment/question you've heard?

And then there is this one. Brand new unit called in for an ADF jam. I test legal, letter portrait and landscape, double sided, no issues.
I ask the customer to show me what it was doing. She folds a piece of paper in half and puts the open end in first and hits the button and the machine jams. I ask why would you do that? She said the sales guy showed her that is how we demonstrates that the unit wont double feed because it will "unfold the page". I explain that if you just put a couple of pages in and watch the second sheet hesitates and kicks back a little, that is how it separates.
Her response " You know you really shouldn't call your sales guy a liar."
I think my blank stare back pretty much said the rest.

[Wild140!]

Re: What is the dumbist customer comment/question you've heard?

While onsite the power goes out and does not come back on. After 10 minutes I start packing up. Customer come into the room and asks " Can I use the Copier?" I point up to the lights in the ceiling that are obviously not on, and she walks out of the room.

[Bob Voigt]

Re: What is the dumbist customer comment/question you've heard?

If y'all don't mind, I'd like to enter my most recent dumbass customer candidate. This happened yesterday.


I get a call from this young lady at a car lot who informs me that she can no longer scan to her PC. So, I arrive at the car lot and she walks over to the copier to show me that she can no longer scan. I sit down at her PC and there's no scan folder. I also notice that there's a generic print driver installed.

I asked if anyone had been jacking around on this PC and they said no. Then someone spoke up and said that this was a new (used)computer that was installed a few weeks ago.


I simply don't have the patience that I once had. It's getting harder and harder to bite my tongue.


Peace out.

Billable time.

[Bob Voigt]

Re: What is the dumbist customer comment/question you've heard?

Doozy of the day.


Customer stopped sending/receiving faxes this morning and calls in for service.

Me calling: I hear you can't send/receive faxes

Her: That's right, we are a nurses station and we need to fax

Me: Touch the off hook icon, do you hear a dial tone?

Her: No dial tone

Me: You need to have someone check your phone line

Her: Why? All of the other phones are working, but your fax isn't

Me: Just because the phones are working, doesn't mean your fax line is.

Her: I don't know why the fax wouldn't work if the phones are working, I need you to check out the fax.

One hour later I arrive and I plug my testset in, dead phone line.

I unplug the line from their deskphone and plug it into the fax with dial tone

Me: See you have dial tone if I plug in the desk phone line. I proceeded to fax to our office in front of her.

Her: Does this mean I have to call the phone company?

Me: yes it does, I can not fix your phone line

Her: Just leave it plugged into the one that works, we don't use that desk phone anyway

Me: you can likely send all day from fax, but it won't receive on this line as it is an extension, not direct out connection

Her: so you mean I have to call the phone company?

Me: YESSSS

Her: I just don't get it, all of the other phones work just fine

AND THIS WAS THE FRITTEN CHARGE NURSE!!!!!
I feel sorry for her patients.

Only if you want to send and receive faxes.

[Bob Voigt]

Re: What is the dumbist customer comment/question you've heard?

Sir or madam, your service contract covers parts and labor Stupid questions, snarky remarks, second guesses, bringing me down, are billable time at $$$/hour.

[BillyCarpenter]

Re: What is the dumbist customer comment/question you've heard?

Stop me if you already heard this. I was working on a 3M copier years ago at a church. I had to refer to the service manual for some adjustments. This was back when service manuals were actual books. The pastor of the church, a real smartass, smirked "I thought you knew how to fix these. Why do you need a book?" I looked right at him and said "Why do YOU need a book?" He became indignant and stormed out of the office. It was one of my best days.

I just read this. NOW THAT'S FUNNY. AS HELL. Props.

[BillyCarpenter]

Re: What is the dumbist customer comment/question you've heard?

I wish I had a nickel for every "Oh I see you are back again" "We should put you on our staff" "Of course it won't act up, you're here" "that machine has never worked correctly" "Can I make a copy even though you have it in pieces" "What did you find out?" as you just took your coat off. You can't service it now as it is starting to send a 40 page fax. "I don't have time to fan the paper" "we upgraded our internet and now we can't print/scan and our IT says you need to fix the problem" "it's 4:45 on Friday, what do you mean you can't come until Monday" "but the salesman said"

That's funny. I've heard every one of those.

[tonerhead]

Re: What is the dumbist customer comment/question you've heard?

I wish I had a nickel for every "Oh I see you are back again" "We should put you on our staff" "Of course it won't act up, you're here" "that machine has never worked correctly" "Can I make a copy even though you have it in pieces" "What did you find out?" as you just took your coat off. You can't service it now as it is starting to send a 40 page fax. "I don't have time to fan the paper" "we upgraded our internet and now we can't print/scan and our IT says you need to fix the problem" "it's 4:45 on Friday, what do you mean you can't come until Monday" "but the salesman said"

[tonerhead]

Re: What is the dumbist customer comment/question you've heard?

Just had another yesterday. Got called to a high school yesterday for jamming on a production machine. I took the paper out of the tray and the corner was all mashed up on about 1/2 ream. I took the paper out, reloaded good paper and it ran like a champ. Upon leaving I show the secretary my find. She said "Why does the machine mash the paper that way?"

DOH, DOH, DOH, DOH

[Big Durbs]

Re: What is the dumbist customer comment/question you've heard?

Installing a bran new MFP with all the optional extras - bulk tray, finisher etc. etc. The user asked me what else the machine can do? So I replied we are just waiting for the ad on module so you can make coffee too. He asked me whether its instant or peculated?

and the MFP prints your name on the side of the cup so you know whos coffee it is at the end of the counter :-)

[HBenz]

Re: What is the dumbist customer comment/question you've heard?

Installing a bran new MFP with all the optional extras - bulk tray, finisher etc. etc. The user asked me what else the machine can do? So I replied we are just waiting for the ad on module so you can make coffee too. He asked me whether its instant or peculated?