Smart ass responses you've gave to customers

[fixthecopier]

I was at one of the few great customers with a sense of humor that you can really have fun with a few days ago...

They asked one of those "are you fixing the copier" type questions and I gave her one of my "No, I'm tuning up your nuclear reactor, have you noticed anybody glowing in the dark" responses.

She called me a smartas

I said "Now that's a sign of quality intelligence, when people acknowledge that even my ass is smarter than theirs!"

I thought people were literally going to fall on the floor laughing.

Mom used to tell me that is why they do not let donkeys go to school, because nobody likes a smart ass!

[Mr Spock]

I was working on a machine (in a correctional facility) when one of the guards stated loudly " Hey everyone the copy gut is here!"
To which I responded " where I would like to meet him!"
The girl behind the desk fell out of her chair and everyone else started laughing. The guard look dumbfounded and could not say a word..

[vincent64]

I was working on a machine (in a correctional facility) when one of the guards stated loudly " Hey everyone the copy gut is here!"
To which I responded " where I would like to meet him!"
The girl behind the desk fell out of her chair and everyone else started laughing. The guard look dumbfounded and could not say a word..

My favorite is when some one says "the gentlman is here to fix the copier" I look arround a say "gentleman, who came in" one of the best lines the 3 stooges ever had.

[nmfaxman]

When a customer says to me "You're back". I love to respond with "And my front too".

[KenB]

When a customer says to me "You're back". I love to respond with "And my front too".

My favorite, when you walk into an account for the first time and the customer says "You're new!" is to say: "I'm over [fill in the blank] years old!".

[Black Cloud]

I was at the car dealer where I had bought my car. They were WAY over using the copier. The service manager says "You guys sell nothing but junk" I reply "At least my machine doesn't leave you stranded by the side of the road." (this was the day after I was towed in) ;-) The truth hurts. Shut him up though.

[WOETC]

I mentioned this in another thread, but some time ago I was sent to a fax with a particularly agreesive and abusive manager. He told me that the machine was a heap of shit, and he wanted it replaced. This was it's second service call for the same problem, it had a wide black line through everything they scanned. I suggested it might be "White-Out" on the scan glass and was treated to a torrent of abuse. No one in the office used the stuff. (Please note there have so far been about 15 fuckens left out of the conversation). I opened the scanner and sure enough a big blob of "White_Out" on the scan glass. I just said "oh look some bird shit right in your fax." When I got back to the office that night the staff had rung the office to tell them how I'd shut the bastard up.

[Mr Spock]

Just did this Thursday. After fixing the copier I was doing my "paperwork" and one of the most complaining ladies came and asked if she could use the machine. My response "Only if you have been properly trained." She said "oh", and turned and walked off..... The 2 girls nearest the copier started fell out of their chairs laughing..

[Stirton.M]

His breath was hot on my face, and his spitting didn't help my state of mind either. He was close to bursting a few buttons on his expensive suit,

And not one smart comment. =^..^=

I would've pulled out my tin of mints....

I think you need one of these, your breath was distracting me from what you were saying....

[lonesome]

I love reading your stories. I wish I have the guts to give a smart-ass response and just make the customers speechless every time they start getting annoying and arrogant, and even discriminatory.

[Mr Spock]

When you walk in and they say the copier guy is here, turn around and pretend to walk out. See how far the let you get and then say "well the copier guy is here you do not need me then!"

[Hemlock]

"What was wrong with our machine?"

"You had a nut loose on the control panel."

[LNorris]

Re: Smart ass responses you've gave to customers

i have been known to write PICNIC on my tickets...

Problem In Chair, Not In Copier

i have serviced major accounts and was in good standing with the main poc's of the offices. one was an army base, so all the buildings on the base usually had a copier or two. if someone started talking down to me or complaining, i'd stop and tell them i had to talk to their POC before proceeding. the poc and i would make them wait a week or two before i returned. no complaining at that point.

[41-willys]

Re: Smart ass responses you've gave to customers

I guess this a close as I got to a smart ass answer. I had the machine in pieces and the customer walks up behind me and asks to make copy. I get up and say sure go a head. and step back away from the machine. I get this look and then she stormed out of the room . I think it would have be a good trick if she could.

[NeoMatrix]

Re: Smart ass responses you've gave to customers

The only time I was kicked out of an office.
I had a female customer who was the owner manager of a Safety Training organisation. They called me out because their new MPC6001 had no communication after they move it to another room. The room was very narrow, more like a cupboard, an it was difficult to get behind the machine. I asked the owner could she provide me with a safety step so I could lean over the top of the machine and refit the network cable.
There was 3 of her staff standing beside her when she replied "what is a safety step?"
I said "it's an orange coloured sturdy plastic box about 400mm high, it's wider at the bottom and narrow at the top to prevent people from tipping it over." She said "don't be silly there's no such thing."
She could see the 3 office staff standing beside her became nerves an agitated at her reply. <smart@ss reply> I said "your a major Saftey Training facility and you don't know what a safety step is?" I never said another word. Well holy crap, the sh!t hit the fan. An she went off like a firecracker, yelling out loud, :--"An while you're here this peice of crap keeps doing this, and that, an everything else. --An I don't like your attitude either, so take you tool case and get out! and never come back!" Obviously I was used as her morbid ignorant attempt to save face in front of her staff.

An I never went back for almost a year.
Even when the other Tech went on holidays leaving their machine down for two weeks. They even begged me numerous times to help fix their machine. I gave in to their begging on the last day.
The down time cost their company thousands of dollars in lost safety manual sales...

Long sigh aahhhh !!!... revenge is sweet......