Joke of the Day

[blsquires]

Re: Joke of the Day

elderly couple go on holiday ,he didn't tell her where they were going.
when they arrived at the hotel she said this is the same hotel where we spent our honey moon .yes he said and we have the same room.
she was over the moon .he took her to dinner at the same restaurant where they had their first meal .
later that night they went to bed and made mad passionate love.when they were laying there afterwards he said you didn't move around like that on our honeymoon.
your legs had a mind of their own .she said I know ,why he said .on our honeymoon she said you took things nice and slow,this time you didn't give me time to take my tights off

[Akitu]

Re: Joke of the Day

Pierre, a brave French fighter pilot, takes his girlfriend, Marie, out for a pleasant little picnic by the River Seine.
It's a beautiful day and love is in the air.
Marie leans over to Pierre and says, 'Pierre, kiss me!'
Pierre grabs a bottle of Merlot and splashes it on Marie's lips.
'What are you doing, Pierre?' says the startled Marie.
'I am Pierre, French fighter pilot! When I have red meat, I have red wine!' She smiles and they start kissing.
Things began to heat up a little and Marie says, 'Pierre, kiss me lower.'
Our hero tears her blouse open, grabs a bottle of Chardonnay and pours it on her breasts. ' Pierre ! Pierre ! What are you doing now?' asks the bewildered Marie.
'I am Pierre, French fighter pilot! When I have white meat, I have white wine!' She giggles and they resume their passionate interlude.
Marie then leans close to his ear and whispers, 'Pierre, kiss me, kiss me much lower!'
Pierre rips off her underwear, grabs a bottle of Cognac and pours it on her pubes...
He then strikes a match and sets the cognac on fire. Marie shrieks and dives into the River Seine.
Standing waist deep, Marie throws her arms into the air and screams furiously, 'PIERRE, WHAT IN HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING?'
Our 'hero' stands and shouts defiantly, 'I am Pierre, French fighter pilot! If I go down, I go down in flames!'

[fixthecopier]

Re: Joke of the Day

http://imgur.com/f7CAzlz

[Akitu]

Re: Joke of the Day

One day, a bear walks into a bar. He sits down at the counter, and the bartender comes over.
"What'll it be?" asks the bartender.
"I'll have a......
....
.....
....
....
....
...beer." the bear says.
"Alright, one beer for the bear. But I gotta ask, why the big pause?" asks the bartender.
"I don't know," says the bear. "I was born with them."

[HenryT2]

Re: Joke of the Day

Wish I had found this one a couple of weeks ago !

Chill.jpg

[ZOOTECH]

Re: Joke of the Day

[fixthecopier]

Re: Joke of the Day

Q... Why is Mrs. Clause such a bitch?

A... Because Santa only cums once a year, and that's down a chimney.

[jonezy999]

Re: Joke of the Day

Hey crackheads, only two more sleeps til Christmas.

[Akitu]

Re: Joke of the Day

A group of blonde people decided to get together and hold a blonde convention to prove that blondes aren't dumb. They invited all the blonde people in the area.
In the middle of the event, they chose one random person from the crowd to answer questions, to prove she could answer them as well as anybody else.
"What is twelve plus three?" asked the interviewer.
"Nineteen," she responded. The interviewer felt very uncomfortable, however, the crowd was still supportive. To help get the girl's confidence back up, they shouted, "Give her another chance! Give her another chance!"
"I'm going to ask you another question," said the interviewer. "What is ten times five?"
The blonde was sure she would get it right this time. "Sixty!" she said.
The interviewer shook her head, but again, the crowd cheered, "Give her another chance! Give her another chance!"
The interviewer said, "I'm going to give you one last chance. This will be a very easy question. What is two plus one?"
"Three!" said the blonde, happy to get a question she could finally answer correctly.
The interviewer was about to congratulate when she was interrupted by the cheering of the crowd: "Give her another chance! Give her another chance!"

[Shadow1]

Re: Joke of the Day

Time for some Christmas Cheer and family post card pictures:

This looks like the cover (VHS Vintage) from a really bad Christmas Porno movie
This looks like a scene from a bad porno movie.jpg

[Shadow1]

Re: Joke of the Day

And this is perhaps the most honest Christmas picture I've ever seen. How many of us can echo this sentiment at our family get togethers?
Dysfunctional but honest.jpg

[Shadow1]

Re: Joke of the Day

If I had a shag couch I might be tempted to camouflage myself into it as well, but which is more disturbing?
Which is more disturbing.jpg

[Shadow1]

Re: Joke of the Day

More Christmas Camouflage - you could hide those kids under the Christmas tree and NEVER find them...
Christmas Camo.jpg

[Shadow1]

Re: Joke of the Day

Some days I'm proud to be a redneck. Other days, not so much...
Christmas - Definition of Redneck.jpg

[Shadow1]

Re: Joke of the Day

I REALLY hope Santa didn't give him that balloon.
I hope Santa didn't give him that balloon.jpg