Joke of the Day

[Akitu]

Re: Joke of the Day

I saw a poor little old lady slip and fall on the ice today... At least, I presume she was poor, she only had $1.20 in her purse.

[ZOOTECH]

Re: Joke of the Day

A husband and wife are trying to set up a new password for their computer.
The husband puts, "Mypenis," and the wife falls on the ground laughing because on the screen it says,
"Error. Not long enough."

[slimslob]

Re: Joke of the Day

I saw a poor little old lady slip and fall on the ice today... At least, I presume she was poor, she only had $1.20 in her purse.

Sick Akitu. Sick.

[blsquires]

Re: Joke of the Day

a woman in the checkout line at the supermarket was doing some exercises. she had both arms up and swung her elbows back saying .
I must I must improve my bust. her elbows went back too far and hit the bloke behind.
I am so sorry she said.
that's alright he said you have just come from the gym haven't you.
yes she said how did you know.
he started to swing his hips and said hickory dickory dock I must improve my , you can guess the rest

[Tonerbomb]

Re: Joke of the Day

TWO YOUNG GUYS...

One of the guys says to his buddy, "Man you look tired."



His buddy says, "Dude I'm exhausted. My girlfriend and I have sex all the time. I just don't know what to do."



An older fellow was sitting a couple of stools down had also over-heard the conversation.



He looked over at the two young men and with the wisdom of years says,



"Marry her. That'll put a stop to that shit!"

[Akitu]

Re: Joke of the Day

I went to the store to buy condoms last night.
The cashier asked, "Do you want a bag?"
I replied, "No, she's not that ugly."

[blsquires]

Re: Joke of the Day

he got home from work and there were candles and a bottle of wine and a roast dinner on the table.
whats this about he said .
she said I want $10,000 dollars and its for something for you and me to enjoy.
what do you mean.
she said I am going to get a breast enhancement. he said your nuts ,$10,000 for a breast enhancement
all you have to do is get a sheet of toilet paper and rub it between your breasts.
she said will that make them bigger.

well its done wonders for your arse

[ZOOTECH]

Re: Joke of the Day

A teacher was wrapping up class, and started talking about tomorrow's final exam.
He said there would be no excuses for not showing up tomorrow, barring a dire medical condition or an immediate family member's death.
One smart ass, male student said, "What about extreme sexual exhaustion?", and the whole classroom burst into laughter.

After the laughter had subsided, the teacher glared at the student, and said, "Not an excuse, you can use your other hand to write."

[ZOOTECH]

Re: Joke of the Day

There was this couple who had been married for 50 years. They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the old gentleman said to his wife, "Just think, honey, we've been married for 50 years."
"Yeah," she replied, "Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together." "I know," the old man said, "We were probably sitting here naked as jaybirds fifty years ago."
"Well," Granny snickered, "What do you say...should we get naked?" Where upon the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table.
"You know, honey," the little old lady breathlessly replied, "My nipples are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago."
"I wouldn't be surprised," replied Gramps. "One's in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal!!!!

[NeoMatrix]

Re: Joke of the Day

he got home from work and there were candles and a bottle of wine and a roast dinner on the table.
whats this about he said .
she said I want $10,000 dollars and its for something for you and me to enjoy.
what do you mean.
she said I am going to get a breast enhancement. he said your nuts ,$10,000 for a breast enhancement
all you have to do is get a sheet of toilet paper and rub it between your breasts.
she said will that make them bigger.

well its done wonders for your arse

And accountant and his wife get ready for their 20th anniversry dinner date. Rubbing his hands with excitement the accountant believes he's in for a sexy night after dinner. The wife starts putting on her fabulous new dinner dress and proudly does a cat-walk twirl in front of the mirror. She then leans her backside towards her husband and ask him does this dress fit me ok. In fear of the night failing before it begins,the husband looks up from his chart of accounts and says "I see there is exponential growth in the last quart, we'll have to work hard on this figure"....

[sdrawkcab]

Re: Joke of the Day

Morning Sex She was standing in the kitchen, preparing our usual soft-boiled eggs and toast for breakfast, wearing only The 'T' shirt that she normally slept in. As I walked in, almost awake, she turned to me and said softly, "You've got to make love to me this very moment!" My eyes lit up and I thought, "I am either still dreaming or this is going to be my lucky day!" Not wanting to lose the moment, I embraced her and then Gave it my all; right there on the kitchen table. Afterwards she said, "Thanks," and returned to the stove, her T-shirt still around her neck. Happy, but a little puzzled, I asked, "What was that all about?" She explained, "The egg timer's broken."

[Phrag]

Re: Joke of the Day

The problem about being a programmer:

My wife said, "Can you go to the store, and buy 1 carton of milk. If they have eggs, get 6."

So I came back with 6 cartons of milk.

She said, "Why did you get 6 bottles of milk?!"

I replied, "BECAUSE THEY HAD EGGS!"

[NeoMatrix]

Re: Joke of the Day

The problem about being a programmer:

My wife said, "Can you go to the store, and buy 1 carton of milk. If they have eggs, get 6."

So I came back with 6 cartons of milk.

She said, "Why did you get 6 bottles of milk?!"

I replied, "BECAUSE THEY HAD EGGS!"

Syntax Error 404 Line 4 : Cartons , bottles undefined....

[Lagonda]

Re: Joke of the Day

The problem about being a programmer:

My wife said, "Can you go to the store, and buy 1 carton of milk. If they have eggs, get 6."

So I came back with 6 cartons of milk.

She said, "Why did you get 6 bottles of milk?!"

I replied, "BECAUSE THEY HAD EGGS!"

Hmmm..... nope.....don't see the joke there, just looks like a normal day in my life married to Mrs Lagonda

[Akitu]

Re: Joke of the Day

I'd been in a serious accident. Thursday night I gradually woke up stiff as a plank in hospital's ICU, tubes up my nose & down my throat, wires monitoring every function & all around my head, hell of a pain over my left ear, and a gorgeous nurse hovering over me.
It was obvious I'd been in a serious accident.
She looked deep & steady and I heard her slowly say,
'You may not feel anything from the waist down.'
I managed to mumble in reply,
'Can I feel your tits, then?'