Joke of the Day

[blsquires]

Re: Joke of the Day

bloke went to confession he said to the priest lets get this over before you throw me out.

the priest said I would never throw you out whatever you have done wrong.


he said ok ,forgive me father for I have sinned .my wife was bending over the freezer getting a chicken .

she looked magnificent and I couldn't resist getting behind her and doing what comes naturally .


now you can throw me out.the priest said I wouldn't throw you out for that.


the man said they did at the supermarket

[Shadow]

Re: Joke of the Day

I know you have been laying awake at night wondering why baby diapers
have brand names such as "Luvs", "Huggies," and "Pampers', while
undergarments for old people are called "Depends".


Well here is the low down on the whole thing.
When babies crap in their pants, people are still gonna Luv'em, Hug'em
and Pamper em. When old people crap in their pants, it "Depends" on
who's in the will!


Glad I got that straightened out, so you can rest your mind.

[Akitu]

Re: Joke of the Day

A guy eating in a restaurant calls the waiter.
-Please taste the soup.

The confused waiter asks:
-Is the soup too hot?
-Just taste the soup...

-Is the soup too cold?
-Taste the soup.

-Is there a fly in the soup?
-Taste the soup!

The waiter, tired of guessing, gives up.
-Alright, alright, I'll taste the soup. Where's the spoon?
-Aha!

[Debs1964]

Re: Joke of the Day

Bathtub test.jpg

[NeoMatrix]

Re: Joke of the Day

(We're scraping the bottom of the jokes barrel now.....)


What does an IVF baby call his old man ?




Wanker...

[ZOOTECH]

Re: Joke of the Day

A kindergarten teacher is trying to explain to her class the definition of the word "definitely".
To make sure the students have a good understanding of the word, she asks them to use it in a sentence. The first student raised his hand and said, "The sky is definitely blue".
The teacher said, "Well, that isn't entirely correct, because sometimes it's grey and cloudy".
Another student says, "Grass is definitely green."
The teacher again replies "If grass doesn't get enough water it turns brown, so that isn't really correct either."
Finally, Billy raises his hand and asks the teacher "Do farts have lumps?"
The teacher looked at him and said "No...But that isn't really a question you want to ask in class discussion."
So Billy replies, "Then I definitely just shit my pants."

[KapeKopyTek]

Re: Joke of the Day

I love this thread. I finally have something meaningful to contribute at parties! As long as there isn't a memory dump......

[ZOOTECH]

Re: Joke of the Day

I love this thread. I finally have something meaningful to contribute at parties! As long as there isn't a memory dump......

Exactly, friends are always asking where I get the jokes I tell! (I'm trying to boost my referrals )

[blsquires]

Re: Joke of the Day

man goes into the fish and chips shop.
fish and chips twice please he said.

its ok I heard you the first time

[blsquires]

Re: Joke of the Day

bloke heard a knock at the door .when he went to the door there was a snail that was doing the knocking.

he picked it up and threw it as far as he could.

three years later he again heard knocking at the door ,when he opened it, it was the same snail.

the snail said what did you do that for.

[Akitu]

Re: Joke of the Day

A bra, a car battery and some jumper cables walk into a bar. The car battery and jumper cables go find a seat while the bra asks the bartender for 3 beers. The bartender replies, "I'm not serving you! You're obviously off your tits and your two mates look like they're about to start something."

[blsquires]

Re: Joke of the Day

man goes into a clothing shop and says I would like to buy my wife a bra .

certainly said the sales lady what size is she.

I don't know he said but my bowler hat fits one of them

[Akitu]

Re: Joke of the Day

"If you win the lottery the first thing I want you to get me is a face lift and a boob job," said my 49 year old girlfriend as I was checking my ticket.
"Well, actually, the first thing I would buy is a reconditioned engine and a respray for my Mondeo," I replied.
"Why would you waste your money tarting that old thing up, you might as well get yourself a new one," she said.
"My point exactly."

[Debs1964]

Re: Joke of the Day

"If you win the lottery the first thing I want you to get me is a face lift and a boob job," said my 49 year old girlfriend as I was checking my ticket.
"Well, actually, the first thing I would buy is a reconditioned engine and a respray for my Mondeo," I replied.
"Why would you waste your money tarting that old thing up, you might as well get yourself a new one," she said.
"My point exactly."

As a 49 year old woman I find this quite offensive LOL

[Akitu]

Re: Joke of the Day

As a 49 year old woman I find this quite offensive LOL

Better hope your next guy doesn't win the lottery?

I couldn't resist! ^{Don't hurt me.}