Joke of the Day

[ZOOTECH]

Re: Joke of the Day

A distraught man ran into the doctor's office. "Doc" the man screamed. "I've lost my memory!"
"When did this happen?" asked the doctor.
The man looked at the Dr. and replied, "When did what happen?"

[Lagonda]

Re: Joke of the Day

Someone just paid $3.6 billion for Lexmark........sorry, no punch line but the fact that someone thought that Lexmark was worth paying for should make you laugh.

[fixthecopier]

Re: Joke of the Day

Someone just paid $3.6 billion for Lexmark........sorry, no punch line but the fact that someone thought that Lexmark was worth paying for should make you laugh.

So, how many sets of Lexmark toner did that get them?

[fixthecopier]

Re: Joke of the Day

What is the difference between inlaws and outlaws?

Outlaws are wanted.

[ZOOTECH]

Re: Joke of the Day

On my last day before retirement, I'm re-posting a good one.

EMPLOYEE NOTICE

Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown in the
economy, Congress has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of
50 years of age and above on early, mandatory retirement, thus
creating jobs and reducing unemployment.

This scheme will be known as RAPE ( Retire Aged People Early ).

Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to Congress to be considered
for the SHAFT program ( Special Help After Forced Termination ).

Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the
SCREW program ( System Covering Retired-Early Workers ).

A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as Congress deems appropriate..

Persons who have been RAPED could get AIDS ( Additional Income for
Dependants & Spouse ) or HERPES ( Half Earnings for Retired personnel
Early Severance ).

Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or
SCREWED any further by Congress.

Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on will receive as much SHIT
( Special High Intensity Training ) as possible. Congress has always
prided themselves on the amount of SHIT they give our citizens.

Should you feel that you do not receive enough SHIT , please bring
this to the attention of your Congressman, who has been trained to
give you all the SHIT you can handle.

Sincerely,
The Committee for Economic Value of Individual Lives ( E.V.I.L. )
PS - Due to recent budget cuts and the rising cost of electricity, gas and oil, as well as current market conditions, the Light at the End of the Tunnel has been turned off.

[ZOOTECH]

[NeoMatrix]

Re: Joke of the Day

And one more, but certainly not the last joke.

{random snip}

Thank you,
BOSS IN GENERAL
SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (B.I.G. S.H.I.T.)

One more day to go and you're permanently out of "DEPARTMENTAL EMPLOYEE EVALUATION PROGRAMS , SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING."

You'll have to drop into CTN from time to time to " HELP OTHERS LEARN YOUR SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING."......

[ZOOTECH]

Re: Joke of the Day

One more day to go and you're permanently out of "DEPARTMENTAL EMPLOYEE EVALUATION PROGRAMS , SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING."

You'll have to drop into CTN from time to time to " HELP OTHERS LEARN YOU'RE SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING."......

Of course I'll be checking in, probably too often according to my wife. And I'm not the B.I.G.S.H.I.T., but I'm usually in B.I.G.S.H.I.T.

[NeoMatrix]

Re: Joke of the Day

Of course I'll be checking in, probably too often according to my wife. And I'm not the B.I.G.S.H.I.T., but I'm usually in B.I.G.S.H.I.T.

Re: in BOSS IN GENERAL TENDER INTIMATE MOMENT EMOTIONS

Lucky you... Those little blue pills must be working .....

[slimslob]

Re: Joke of the Day

Of course I'll be checking in, probably too often according to my wife. And I'm not the B.I.G.S.H.I.T., but I'm usually in B.I.G.S.H.I.T.

You know that if you are retired, that means that you Should Have Increased Time Spent Here In Typing.

[ZOOTECH]

Re: Joke of the Day

You know that if you are retired, that means that you Should Have Increased Time Spent Here In Typing.

Yeah, I've had S.H.I.T.s before, but I can't remember a double S.H.I.T.

[NeoMatrix]

Re: Joke of the Day

Yeah, I've had S.H.I.T.s before, but I can't remember a double S.H.I.T.

Re: S.H.I.T. x S.H.I.T.
I guess you can have a square meal, no reason you can't have a square S.H.I.T......

there's a pun in there somewhere.....

[ZOOTECH]

Re: Joke of the Day

Re: S.H.I.T. x S.H.I.T.
I guess you can have a square meal, no reason you can't have a square S.H.I.T......

there's a pun in there somewhere.....

Most of my S.H.I.T.s are not square. I take that Metamucil stuff?

[NeoMatrix]

Re: Joke of the Day

Most of my S.H.I.T.s are not square. I take that Metamucil stuff?

Whaaat,METAMUCIL....
Mandatorily Exercised Tight Anal Muscles Unleashing Convulsive Intestinal Liquid....

Nah... sorry, I got that wrong, that's Epsom Salts.....






Ya got luv how these threads end up though................

[KenB]

Re: Joke of the Day

For those who wish to improve their organizational skills, there's Distributed Unified Management Special High Intesnsity Training. (D.U.M.S.H.I.T.).