Joke of the Day

[Lagonda]

Re: Joke of the Day

Guy goes into his doctors office and tells him he's having difficulty getting an erection with his wife, it's been months and his wife is miserable. Doctor says let check you out and run some blood tests, blood pressure and a few other test. All the test come back negative so he says maybe it's your wife. He brings the wife in for an examination, has her fully undress, turn around a few times, has her raise her arms above her head, and has her bend over and touch her toes. He goes back to the husband and says, "I couldn't get an erection with her either. Emujo

That is terribly sexist....... but very, very funny Just don't tell Mrs Lagonda I laughed out loud.

[fixthecopier]

Re: Joke of the Day

Geoffrey, a middle-aged British tourist on his first visit to Germany finds the red light district and enters a large brothel. The madam asks him to be seated and sends over a young lady to entertain him.
They sit and talk, frolic a little, giggle a bit, drink a bit, and she sits on his lap. He whispers in her ear and she gasps and runs away! Seeing this, the madam sends over a more experienced lady to entertain the gentleman.
They sit and talk, frolic a little, giggle a bit, drink a bit, and she sits on his lap. He whispers in her ear, and she too screams, "No!" and walks quickly away.
The madam is surprised that this ordinary looking man has asked for something so outrageous that her two girls will have nothing to do with him. She decides that only her most experienced lady, Lola, will do. Lola has never said no, and it's not likely anything would surprise her. So the madam sends her over to Geoffrey's. They sit and talk, frolic a little, giggle a bit, drink a bit, and she sits on his lap. He whispers in her ear and she screams, "NO WAY, BUDDY!" and smacks him as hard as she can and leaves.
Madam is by now absolutely intrigued, having seen nothing like this in all her years of operating a brothel. She hasn't done the bedroom work herself for a long time, but she's sure she has said yes to everything a man could possibly ask for. She just has to find out what this man wants that has made her girls so angry. Besides she sees a chance to teach her employees a lesson.
So she goes over to Geoffrey and says that she's the best in the house and is available. She sits and talks with him. They frolic, giggle, drink and then she sits in his lap.
He leans forwards and whispers in her ear, "Can I pay in Pounds?"

[fixthecopier]

[TheBlueOrleans]

Re: Joke of the Day

From my 7-year-old son:


"What does the corn say at dinner before I eat it?"











"See you tomorrow!"

[Tricky]

Re: Joke of the Day

Compatible toner is no different to genuine.

Sent from my SM-G930F using Tapatalk

[NeoMatrix]

Re: Joke of the Day

From my 7-year-old son:

"What does the corn say at dinner before I eat it?"


"See you tomorrow!"

Haha... I always wondered what those yellow M&M's where in the toilet bowl....

[fixthecopier]

Re: Joke of the Day

A mother, cleaning her sons bedroom, finds a large number of BDSM magazines under his bed. She shows them to her husband and ask what he thinks they should do about it. "Well, I guess spanking him is out of the question" he replies.

[slimslob]

Re: Joke of the Day

This story was sent in by Bruce R. from Fort Worth, Texas

[fixthecopier]

Re: Joke of the Day

My wife and I went to the ploughing championships and one of the first exhibits we stopped at was the breeding bulls. We went up to the first pen and there was a sign attached that said,
' "THIS BULL MATED 50 TIMES LAST YEAR"
My wife playfully nudged me in the ribs .....Smiled and said, 'He mated 50 times last year.'
We walked to the second pen which had a sign attached that said,
''THIS BULL MATED 150 TIMES LAST YEAR"
My wife gave me a healthy jab and said, 'WOW~~That's more than twice a week! .........You could learn a lot from him.'
We walked to the third pen and it had a sign attached that said,
in capital letters,
"THIS BULL MATED 365 TIMES LAST YEAR"
My wife was so excited that her elbow nearly broke my ribs, and said,
'That's once a day ..You could REALLY learn something from this one.'
I looked at her and said,
'Go over and ask him if it was with the same old cow.'

[slimslob]

Re: Joke of the Day

My wife and I went to the ploughing championships and one of the first exhibits we stopped at was the breeding bulls. We went up to the first pen and there was a sign attached that said,
' "THIS BULL MATED 50 TIMES LAST YEAR"
My wife playfully nudged me in the ribs .....Smiled and said, 'He mated 50 times last year.'
We walked to the second pen which had a sign attached that said,
''THIS BULL MATED 150 TIMES LAST YEAR"
My wife gave me a healthy jab and said, 'WOW~~That's more than twice a week! .........You could learn a lot from him.'
We walked to the third pen and it had a sign attached that said,
in capital letters,
"THIS BULL MATED 365 TIMES LAST YEAR"
My wife was so excited that her elbow nearly broke my ribs, and said,
'That's once a day ..You could REALLY learn something from this one.'
I looked at her and said,
'Go over and ask him if it was with the same old cow.'

And you're still alive to tell about it?

[jmaister]

Re: Joke of the Day

To not repeat the joke.

anyone read the one about the Priest chasing the man with half a lemon?

I thought that was priceless.

https://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comme...lf_of_a_lemon/

[emujo]

Re: Joke of the Day

Husband arrives home after work right at 5 pm as usual. His wife is in a foul mood and start to berate him about everything that has went wrong during her day. After about an hour and 1/2 of this he says, "this is not doing us any good, let me go back outside and come in again and we can start over". So he goes back out side and comes in with a big smile and says "honey, I'm home". She screams out "where the hell have you been, you're almost 2 hours late". Emujo

[ZOOTECH]

Re: Joke of the Day

A census worker walked up to a woman sitting on the porch. After introducing himself, he said, "How many children do you have?"
"Four," the woman answered.
"May I have their names?"
"Eenie, Meenie, Minie, and George."
"Why did you name your forth child George?"
"We didn't want any Moe."

[NeoMatrix]

Re: Joke of the Day

"snip

THIS BULL MATED 365 TIMES LAST YEAR"
My wife was so excited that her elbow nearly broke my ribs, and said,
'That's once a day ..You could REALLY learn something from this one.'
I looked at her and said,
'Go over and ask him if it was with the same old cow.'

As funny as the above sounds, spare a thought for the good ol' Ram in a flock of sheep.
I've heard it said from Sheep station property owners themselves,
that a single stud Ram can service 2000 ewes in one night.

Scratch that mid-wif delivery date on your calendar...

[ZOOTECH]

Re: Joke of the Day

As funny as the above sounds, spare a thought for the good ol' Ram in a flock of sheep.
I've heard it said from Sheep station property owners themselves,
that a single stud Ram can service 2000 ewes in one night.

Scratch that mid-wif delivery date on your calendar...

What kind of viagra do you have for those Rams?
Geese, that could be a call for early retirement.