Joke of the Day

[tsbservice]

Re: Joke of the Day

An older couple, who were both widowed, had been going out with each other for a long time.
Urged on by their friends, they decided it was finally time to get married.Before the wedding, they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work.
They discussed finances, living arrangements, and so on. Finally, the old gentleman decided it was time to broach the subject of their physical relationship.
"How do you feel about s*x?" he asked, rather tentatively.
"I would like it infrequently ", she replied.
The old gentleman sat quietly for a moment, adjusted his glasses, then leaned over towards her and whispered,
"Is that one word or two?"

[Coptech]

Re: Joke of the Day

So an elderly couple goes to the attorney to get a divorce. How long have you been married the attorney asked..."75 years of pure hell" they both answered. He tried the one on one approach. What do you not like about your wife? She is a bitch, she was a bitch when we got married, she can't cook...I just can't stand the sight of her. Thinking that was harsh, he posed the question to the wife...she replied, lazy worthless bastard, hate him...Seeing there was no chance of reconciliation, he asked "why did you all wait so long to get to the point of divorce"?. They both answered, "we had to wait for the kids to die".

[tsbservice]

Re: Joke of the Day

Latest 'joke'.

Seems almost everybody are busy talking mostly about politics...WAIT...that's not joke. Sad but true.
C'mon, lets bring back the humour alive and dig in DAMN politics.

[rspicer]

Re: Joke of the Day

As a former resident of Michigan, this is how the joke was told to me.

An MSU student and a UofM student were walking together through a field. They notice a sheep with its head stuck in a fence. The MSU student says, "Watch this", and proceeds to drop his pants and have his way with the sheep. After finishing, he turns to the UofM student and says, "Now it's your turn". The UofM student says"OK", drops his pants,




and sticks his head in the fence.

[tsbservice]

[tsbservice]

Re: Joke of the Day

Hey allan, be strong!

Alcoholic, a Chain Smoker and a Homosexual go to the doctor.

The doctor says: "If any of you indulge one more time you'll die."

As they walk home they pass a bar. The Alcoholic has a shot of whiskey, falls off his stool stone cold dead. His friends are shocked.

As they walk along they come upon a cigarette butt lying on the ground still burning.

The Homosexual looks at the Chain Smoker and says:

"If you bend over to pick that up, we're both dead!"

[SalesServiceGuy]

Re: Joke of the Day

I am no good at telling jokes but here is a video with two jokes.

YouTube

[FrohnB]

Re: Joke of the Day

Whilst strolling around the Harbor this morning at about 11 am,
I noticed this character shouting "Allah be praised" and "Death to the Infidels",
Suddenly, he tripped and fell into the water.
He was struggling to stay afloat because of all the explosives he was carrying,
and if he didn't get help, he would surely drown.
Being a responsible citizen, and abiding by the law of the land that requires you to help those in distress,
I informed the police, the Coast Guard, the Immigration Office and even the fire department.
It is now 4:00, the terrorist has drowned and none of the authorities have yet to respond.
I'm starting to think that I wasted four Stamps.

[tsbservice]

Re: Joke of the Day

I'm starting to think that I wasted four Stamps.

😆
Hey, that is faster than starting to train post pigeons.

[Coptech]

Re: Joke of the Day

An elderly couple goes to a doctors office and tells doctor, they need him to watch their lovemaking. Doctor thinks it is a little strange but agrees. They get undressed and proceed and when finished, they leave. They make another appointment for the same thing the following week, and the week after that and so on...finally the doctor's curiosity gets to him and he tells them. "I really don't see anything wrong with your lovemaking, why do you have me watch this over and over"? The old man says "I'm married so we can't go to my house, she's married so we can't go to her house, a motel room is $120.00, your office visit is $65.00 and medicare pays 80% of that"!

[FrohnB]

Re: Joke of the Day

A GOOD CATHOLIC JOKE

The Pope and Hillary are on the same stage in Yankee Stadium in front of a huge crowd.
The Pope leans towards Hillary and said, "Do you know that with one little wave
of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy?
This joy will not be a momentary display, but will go deep into their hearts and they'll
forever speak of this day and rejoice!"
Hillary replied, "I seriously doubt that! With one little wave of your hand.....Show Me!"
So the Pope Backhanded her and knocked her off the stage!
AND THE CROWD ROARED AND CHEERED WILDLY, and there was happiness through the land.

[allan]

Re: Joke of the Day

Hey allan, be strong!

Alcoholic, a Chain Smoker and a Homosexual go to the doctor.

The doctor says: "If any of you indulge one more time you'll die."

As they walk home they pass a bar. The Alcoholic has a shot of whiskey, falls off his stool stone cold dead. His friends are shocked.

As they walk along they come upon a cigarette butt lying on the ground still burning.

The Homosexual looks at the Chain Smoker and says:

"If you bend over to pick that up, we're both dead!"

Hehe I choose life. Thats is so blunt.

[izzynut]

Re: Joke of the Day

A father asked his 10 year old son little Johnny if he knew about the birds and the bees.

Confused, the father asked what was wrong

[izzynut]

Re: Joke of the Day

Englishman: "That your dog?"
Welshman: "Aye"
Englishman: "Mind if I speak to him?'
Englishman: Hey dog, how's it going?"
Dog: "Doing all right."
Welshman: (look of shock)
Englishman: Is this your owner?" (Pointing at the Welshman)
Dog: "Yep."
Englishman: How's he treating you?"
Dog: "Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food and takes me to the park once a week to play."
Welshman: (Look of total disbelief!)
Englishman: "Mind if I talk to your horse?"
Englishman: "Hey horse how's it going?"
Horse: "Cool."
Welshman: (Extreme look of shock!)
Englishman: "Is this your owner?" (Pointing to the Welshman)
Horse: "Yep."
Englishman: "How's he treating you?"
Horse: "Pretty good, thanks for asking, he rides me, brushes me down often and keeps me in a nice stable to protect me from the weather."
Welshman: (Look of total amazement!)
Englishman: "Mind if I talk to your sheep?

[izzynut]

Re: Joke of the Day

I Must Confess


An Irishman lies dying; his wife is by his bedside.

He says in a weakened voice “There is something I must confess”.

“Shhhh” said the wife, “there is nothing to confess”

She holds his hand and caresses his head. “Everything is all right” she whispers.

“NO!!” the husband replied “I must die in peace...I had sex with your sister, your best friend, her best friend and your best friend's mum!”

“I know,” she whispered, “That's why I poisoned you. Now close your eyes”....