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Re: Joke of the Day
It was a very stormy voyage on a cruise ship. A child was suddenly swept overboard. His poor mother was screaming:
" My baby! My poor baby!! Somebody please save my poor baby!!"
But nobody would dare to jump in and save him.
All of a sudden, a tiny old man was seen flying over the edge, and as soon as he hit the water, he grabbed the child and held on to him. Someone threw in a life belt and both of them were pulled back on board. There were cheers all round!!
During the banquet thrown in the little old mans honour that evening, plaudit after plaudit was made praising his bravery.
Eventually, after all the praises had been heaped upon him, someone shouted:
"Let's hear from the brave man himself! Speech! Speech!"
Everyone joined in: "Speech! Speech!"
The little old man stood up, adjusted his glasses, straightened his jacket, and said:
" Screw the speech! I want to know which one of you bastards pushed me overboard!"Comment
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Re: Joke of the Day
An Amazon Redhead is sitting at the bar... slowly sipping her wine... Her green eyes scanning the room...never stopping on anyone.
A Hansom Dark haired man approached... they conversed .. he hung his head and moved away....
An average sized blond haired young lad smiled and walked over.. she looked at him and laughed out loud for all around to hear....
Then a red haired midget walked up and asked... if She would like to go to his place.. have some wine of her choosing .. and let the night lead to where it may....
The Red haired Goddess stood up, her ample breasts moving side to side ..mesmerizing all in the room .... looked down at the lil man in front of her .. Bwahahahaha...
And moving her hand above her head by Six inches...
stating
" Little man you have to meet the MINIMUM Height Requirement for this RIDE " ..and walked off laughing....
the midget shrugged .. looked at everyone around... " The Story of my Life "
Moral?
Strive for the Stars.. but also know your limitations.Comment
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Re: Joke of the Day
Cows & Politics Explained
A CHRISTIAN DEMOCRAT: You have two cows. You keep one and give one to your neighbor.
A SOCIALIST: You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.
AN AMERICAN REPUBLICAN: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So what?
AN AMERICAN DEMOCRAT: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful. You vote people into office who tax your cows, forcing you to sell one to raise money to pay the tax. The people you voted for then take the tax money and buy a cow and give it to your neighbor. You feel righteous.
A COMMUNIST: You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you with milk.
A FASCIST: You have two cows. The government seizes both and sells you the milk. You join the underground and start a campaign of sabotage.
DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. The government taxes you to the point you have to sell both to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was a gift from your government.
CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.
BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, then pours the milk down the drain.
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead.
A FRENCH CORPORATION: You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create clever cow cartoon images called Cowkimon and market them World-Wide.
A GERMAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You reengineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.
A BRITISH CORPORATION: You have two cows. They are mad. They die. Pass the shepherd's pie, please.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You break for lunch.
A RUSSIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.
A SWISS CORPORATION: You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you. You charge others for storing them.
A BRAZILIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You enter into a partnership with an American corporation. Soon you have 1000 cows and the American corporation declares bankruptcy.
AN INDIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You worship both of them.
A CHINESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported on them.
AN ISRAELI CORPORATION: There are these two Jewish cows, right? They open a milk factory, an ice cream store, and then sell the movie rights. They send their calves to Harvard to become doctors. So, who needs people?
AN ARKANSAS CORPORATION: You have two cows. That one on the left is kinda cute.A tree is known by its fruit, a man by his deeds. A good deed is never lost, he who sows courtesy, reaps friendship, and he who plants kindness gathers love.
Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused.Comment
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Re: Joke of the Day
Yes, when it's funny..there's a joke that ends with "the moral of the story is don't mess with Uncle Frank when he's been drinking". This is the funny joke of the day forum..it can be funny (haha) or funny (groan), but my point was this was neither. I would mention it if you put a Toshiba question in the KM section..same thing. I'm not sure how Phil attributes this to Momma or nursing issues...
So this kid was diagnosed with brain cancer...HAHAHAHAHAHA..If you don't find this funny, you're the problem...EComment
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Re: Joke of the Day
Linux is like a wigwam...
No Gates,
No Windows,
Apache insideA tree is known by its fruit, a man by his deeds. A good deed is never lost, he who sows courtesy, reaps friendship, and he who plants kindness gathers love.
Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused.Comment
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