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Re: Joke of the Day
The Irish are always the first ones to come to the aid of their fellow man.
Shortly after take-off on an outbound, evening Aer Lingus flight from
Dublin to Boston, the lead flight attendant nervously made the
following painful announcement in her lovely Irish brogue: "Ladies and
gentlemen, I'm so very sorry, but it appears that there has been a
terrible mix-up by our catering service.
I don't know how this has happened, but we have 103 passengers on
board, and unfortunately, we received only 40 dinner meals. I truly
apologize for this mistake and inconvenience."
When the muttering of the passengers had died down, she continued,
"Anyone who is kind enough to give up their meal so that someone else
can eat, will receive free and unlimited drinks for the duration of our
10 hour flight.
Her next announcement came about 2 hours later: "If anyone is hungry,
we still have 40 dinners available."Comment
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Re: Joke of the Day
An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any real interest in his paintings which had been on display for the previous few weeks.
'I have good news and bad news,' the owner replied. 'The good news is that a gentleman inquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. When I told him it would, he bought all 17 of your paintings.'
'That's wonderful, absolutely marvellous,' the artist exclaimed. 'What's the bad news?'
'The buyer was your doctor.'A tree is known by its fruit, a man by his deeds. A good deed is never lost, he who sows courtesy, reaps friendship, and he who plants kindness gathers love.
Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused.Comment
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A tree is known by its fruit, a man by his deeds. A good deed is never lost, he who sows courtesy, reaps friendship, and he who plants kindness gathers love.
Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused.Comment
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Re: Joke of the Day
A tourist stopped at a local restaurant for dinner, following a day spent roaming around in Spain with his wife.While sipping his wine, he noticed a sizzling, scrumptious looking platter being served at the next table. Not only did it look good; the smell was wonderful.
There is only one serving per day because there is only one bull fight each afternoon. But if you want to place an order now, we can serve you this delicacy
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Re: Joke of the Day
After his examination, the doctor said to the elderly man: 'You appear to be in good health. Do you have any medical concerns you would like to ask me about?'
'In fact, I do.' said the old man. "After I have sex with the wife, I am usually cold and chilly; and then, after I have sex with her the second time, I am usually hot and sweaty."
The doctor could not find any explanation for this.
After examining his elderly wife, the doctor said: 'Everything appears to be fine. Do you have any medical concerns that you would like to discuss with me?'
The lady replied that she had no questions or concerns.
The doctor then said to her: 'Your husband had an unusual concern. He claims that he is usually cold and chilly after having sex with you
the first time; and then hot and sweaty after the second time.
Do you know why?'
"Oh, that crazy old bastard'' she replied.
That's because...
The first time is usually in December, and
The second time is in June.A tree is known by its fruit, a man by his deeds. A good deed is never lost, he who sows courtesy, reaps friendship, and he who plants kindness gathers love.
Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused.Comment
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Re: Joke of the Day
An 84-year-old man is having a drink in Harpoon Harry's.
Suddenly a gorgeous girl enters and sits down a few seats away.
The girl is so attractive that he just can't take his eyes off her.
After a short while, the girl notices him staring, and approaches him.
Before the man has time to apologize, the girl looks him deep in the eyes and says to him in a sultry tone:
"I'll do anything you'd like. Anything you can imagine in your wildest dreams,
it doesn't matter how extreme or unusual it is, I'm game.
I want $100, and there's another condition."
Completely stunned by the sudden turn of events, the man asks her what her condition is.
"You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words."
The man takes a moment to consider the offer from the beautiful woman.
He whips out his wallet and puts $100 dollars into her hand.
He then looks her square in the eyes, and says slowly and clearly:
"Paint my house."
Our needs change as we get older, and we tend to look for bargains.Comment
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A tree is known by its fruit, a man by his deeds. A good deed is never lost, he who sows courtesy, reaps friendship, and he who plants kindness gathers love.
Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused.Comment
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Re: Joke of the Day
A bakery owner hires a young female shop assistant who liked to wear very short skirts and thong panties.
One day a young man enters the store, glances at the shop assistant and at the loaves of bread behind the counter.
Noticing her short skirt and the location of the raisin bread, he has a brilliant idea. "I'd like some raisin bread please," the man says.
The shop assistant nods and climbs up a ladder to reach the raisin bread located on the very top shelf.
The man standing almost directly beneath her is provided with an excellent view, just as he thought.
When she descends the ladder, he decides that he had better get two loaves.
As the shop assistant retrieves the second loaf of bread, one of the other male customers notices what's going on and requests his own loaf of raisin bread.
After many trips she is tired and irritated and begins to wonder, "Why the unusual interest in the raisin bread?"
Atop the ladder one more time, she looks down and glares at the men standing below. Then, she notices an elderly man standing amongst the crowd.
Thinking that she can save herself another trip, she yells at the elderly man, "Is it raisin for you, too?
"No," he stammers, "but it's quiverin' a little."
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Re: Joke of the Day
I've been saying "mucho" more often while talking to my Hispanic friends,
It means A lot to them.OmertÃComment
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Re: Joke of the Day
A bloke on a tractor has just driven past me shouting:
I think it was Farmer Geddon.A tree is known by its fruit, a man by his deeds. A good deed is never lost, he who sows courtesy, reaps friendship, and he who plants kindness gathers love.
Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused.Comment
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