Joke of the Day

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  • fixthecopier
    ALIEN OVERLORD

    2,500+ Posts
    • Apr 2008
    • 4714

    #3526
    Re: Joke of the Day

    Mr. Smith, a very wealthy man, is in town on business and towards the end of his trip he decides to take a walk on the docks and take in the ocean view.
    As he's walking he comes up on a young boy, maybe 12 years old, crying on the edge of the dock.
    Mr. Smith hesitates but decides to ask what's wrong.
    "Excuse me, Son? Why are you crying?" He asks gently.
    The boy wipes away his tears and replies, "Oh, there's just a lot of things going wrong in my life right now. I'm sorry if I bothered you."
    Mr. Smith takes note of the boy's politeness, "Is there anything I can do to help? Why don't you tell me what's going on..."
    With that the boy breaks down and sobs.
    He starts going on and on about his troubles.
    His mother is dying of cancer and can't work.
    They can't afford the medicine to manage her symptoms.
    They haven't eaten in days.
    Not even an hour ago the boy had been caught dumpster diving behind a restaurant for food and was caned by the owner.
    He tried to go home to his mother but when he got there he saw an eviction notice on the door and he just couldn't bring himself to go inside and give her the news.
    Everything was just falling apart and he couldn't take it.
    "So I came here and just cried," he finished.
    Mr. Smith was shocked.
    Of all the people he could have encountered he encountered this boy.
    He could solve this boy's problems with a single check.
    But Mr. Smith was a firm believer in earning what you got no matter what it was.
    As the boy continued to cry, Mr. Smith looked out to the water...
    "Son," Mr. Smith began, "What's your name?"
    "My name is Johnny." The boy said.
    "Johnny, you see that ship out there," he said gesturing to a ship about a mile out from the dock, "I'll make you a deal. If you can swim out to that ship, climb up the mast and wave to me I will write you a check for one million dollars."
    Johnny was awestruck. "You really mean it?"
    "Absolutely." Mr. Smith confirmed.
    Johnny dove into the water without a word and swam like a madman.
    Mr. Smith watched with a smile on his face but his smile faded when Johnny turned around and came back.
    When Johnny reached the dock he explained he got too tired too quickly and knew he wouldn't make it.
    "Well that's ok, Johnny. Tomorrow let's meet here, same time, and you can try again."
    The next day they met and Johnny tried but once again he got fatigued and had to turn back.
    Mr. Smith asked him if he'd eaten anything and Johnny told him he hadn't.
    With that, Mr. Smith gave him some money for a small meal and told him tomorrow was his last day in town so if he was going to succeed it had to be then.
    The next day Mr. Smith arrived and Johnny was waiting at the dock with a smile on his face. "You all fed and ready?" Mr. Smith asked.
    "Yes, Sir" said Johnny.
    And Johnny dove into the water.
    This time he was swimming a bit slower.
    He seemed to be pacing himself. Mr. Smith watched Johnny get further and further and his smile grew and grew.
    What a perfect end to a perfect trip.
    He was going to make a difference in this boy's life.
    Johnny made it to the ship.
    Mr. Smith watched him climb up the mast.
    Johnny held on with one hand and reached the other out and started to wave victoriously but suddenly he lost his grip!
    Johnny slipped and fell from the top of the mast all the way down to the ship below with a loud thud that echoed in the distance...
    But Johnny was ok, know why?
    ...
    ...
    ...
    ...
    ...
    He was used to hardships...
    The greatest enemy of knowledge isn't ignorance, it is the illusion of knowledge. Stephen Hawking

    Comment

    • NeoMatrix
      Senior Tech.

      2,500+ Posts
      • Nov 2010
      • 3514

      #3527
      Re: Joke of the Day

      Originally posted by fixthecopier

      Johnny held on with one hand and reached the other out and started to wave victoriously but suddenly he lost his grip!
      Johnny slipped and fell from the top of the mast all the way down to the ship below with a loud thud that echoed in the distance...
      But Johnny was ok, know why?
      ...
      ...
      ...
      ...
      ...
      He was used to hardships...


      Where is the CTN groan button....?


      I got eyestrain before the end.



      I hope you got RSI from typing all that.........
      Inauguration to the "AI cancel-culture" fraternity 1997...
      •••••• •••[§]• |N | € | o | M | Δ | t | π | ¡ | x | •[§]••• ••••••

      Comment

      • SwisSeV
        Trusted Tech

        250+ Posts
        • Jan 2016
        • 307

        #3528
        Re: Joke of the Day

        Originally posted by NeoMatrix
        Where is the CTN groan button....?


        I got eyestrain before the end.



        I hope you got RSI from typing all that.........

        Longest buildup to a pun. EVER.

        Comment

        • fixthecopier
          ALIEN OVERLORD

          2,500+ Posts
          • Apr 2008
          • 4714

          #3529
          Re: Joke of the Day

          Originally posted by SwisSeV
          Longest buildup to a pun. EVER.

          Like you guys had anything else to do. It's really hard to steal original material from more talented people.



          The greatest enemy of knowledge isn't ignorance, it is the illusion of knowledge. Stephen Hawking

          Comment

          • bob marley
            Service Manager

            1,000+ Posts
            • Jan 2012
            • 1339

            #3530
            Re: Joke of the Day

            An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years.
            He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed him to hear 100%.
            He went back in a month and the doctor said,
            'Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again.'
            The gentleman replied, 'Oh, I haven't told my family yet.
            I just sit around and listen to the conversations.
            I've changed my will three times!'
            Live for yourself and you will live in vain. Live for others, and you will live again

            Comment

            • fixthecopier
              ALIEN OVERLORD

              2,500+ Posts
              • Apr 2008
              • 4714

              #3531
              Re: Joke of the Day

              A Jewish man sends his son to Israel to live there for a while. Eventually he returns home and he is now a Christian. The man finds this to be odd and mentions it to his friend.
              The friend listens, thinks for a moment and says, "That's odd. I sent my son to Israel as a Jew and he returned as a Christian." So the two of them went to see the Rabbi.
              They told the Rabbi the story of how they had both sent their sons to Israel as Jews, and how both sons had returned as Christians. The Rabbi listened, thought for a minute and then said "That's odd. I also sent my son to Israel as a Jew and he returned as a Christian."
              So the three of them decide to go to Israel to find out what's going on over there. The arrive and go straight to the Western Wall to pray. They explain to God all about how they sent their sons to Israel as Jews and how the all returned as Christians."
              There is a long silence, and then God begins to speak saying, "That's odd . . . "
              The greatest enemy of knowledge isn't ignorance, it is the illusion of knowledge. Stephen Hawking

              Comment

              • bob marley
                Service Manager

                1,000+ Posts
                • Jan 2012
                • 1339

                #3532
                Re: Joke of the Day

                Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were
                sitting on a bench under a tree when one turned to the other and said:
                John, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains.
                I know you're about my age. How do you feel?'
                John said, 'I feel just like a newborn baby.''Really!? Like a newborn baby?'
                'Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants
                Live for yourself and you will live in vain. Live for others, and you will live again

                Comment

                • TheBlueOrleans
                  Trusted Tech

                  100+ Posts
                  • Aug 2012
                  • 232

                  #3533
                  Re: Joke of the Day

                  Originally posted by bob marley
                  Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were
                  sitting on a bench under a tree when one turned to the other and said:
                  John, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains.
                  I know you're about my age. How do you feel?'
                  John said, 'I feel just like a newborn baby.''Really!? Like a newborn baby?'
                  'Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants

                  That reminds me of one of my old friends' Philosophies of Life

                  "I want to leave this world the same way I entered it. Butt-naked, screaming and covered in blood that ain't mine!"

                  (Now that I think about it, I don't think he meant that to be sexual but it could easily be misconstrued. Gross.)
                  Somewhere there is a tree working hard to produce oxygen for you to live, NOW GO APOLOGIZE TO IT!

                  Comment

                  • NeoMatrix
                    Senior Tech.

                    2,500+ Posts
                    • Nov 2010
                    • 3514

                    #3534
                    Re: Joke of the Day

                    Originally posted by TheBlueOrleans
                    That reminds me of one of my old friends' Philosophies of Life

                    "I want to leave this world the same way I entered it. Butt-naked, screaming and covered in blood that ain't mine!"

                    (Now that I think about it, I don't think he meant that to be sexual but it could easily be misconstrued. Gross.)
                    Yep!, it's one of those mysteries of human nature :
                    You spend 9-months kicking and screaming to get out, and the rest of your life begging to get back in.

                    I've been getting severe gravel rash on my knees lately...

                    ...... ....
                    Inauguration to the "AI cancel-culture" fraternity 1997...
                    •••••• •••[§]• |N | € | o | M | Δ | t | π | ¡ | x | •[§]••• ••••••

                    Comment

                    • bob marley
                      Service Manager

                      1,000+ Posts
                      • Jan 2012
                      • 1339

                      #3535
                      Re: Joke of the Day

                      A wife was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband's key in the door.
                      "Stay where you are," she said. "He's so drunk he won't even notice you're in bed with me."
                      Sure enough, the husband lurched into bed none the wiser, but a few minutes later, through
                      a drunken haze, he saw six feet sticking out at the end of the bed.
                      He turned to his wife: "Hey, there are six feet in this bed. There should only be four. What's going on?"
                      "Nonsense," said the wife. "You're so drunk you miscounted. Get out of bed and try again. You can see better from over there."
                      The husband climbed out of bed and counted. "One, two, three, four. You're right, you know
                      Live for yourself and you will live in vain. Live for others, and you will live again

                      Comment

                      • Tricky
                        Field Supervisor

                        Site Contributor
                        2,500+ Posts
                        • Apr 2009
                        • 2621

                        #3536
                        Re: Joke of the Day

                        I guess EU has now 1 GB of free space.

                        Comment

                        • Tricky
                          Field Supervisor

                          Site Contributor
                          2,500+ Posts
                          • Apr 2009
                          • 2621

                          #3537
                          Re: Joke of the Day

                          'Brexit' to be followed by Grexit. Departugal. Italeave. Fruckoff. Czechout. Oustria. Finish. Slovakout. Latervia. Byegium.

                          Comment

                          • qbert69
                            Service Manager

                            1,000+ Posts
                            • Mar 2013
                            • 1152

                            #3538
                            Re: Joke of the Day

                            MonkeyPNose.jpg

                            Teeheehee!!!

                            REACH FOR THE STARS!!!
                            Konica Minolta Planetariums!
                            https://www.konicaminolta.com/planet...gma/index.html

                            Comment

                            • slimslob
                              Retired

                              Site Contributor
                              25,000+ Posts
                              • May 2013
                              • 36880

                              #3539
                              Re: Joke of the Day

                              Comment

                              • emujo
                                Field Supervisor

                                2,500+ Posts
                                • Jun 2009
                                • 3009

                                #3540
                                Re: Joke of the Day

                                Guy goes into his doctors office and tells him he's having difficulty getting an erection with his wife, it's been months and his wife is miserable. Doctor says let check you out and run some blood tests, blood pressure and a few other test. All the test come back negative so he says maybe it's your wife. He brings the wife in for an examination, has her fully undress, turn around a few times, has her raise her arms above her head, and has her bend over and touch her toes. He goes back to the husband and says, "I couldn't get an erection with her either. Emujo
                                If you don't see your question answered in the forum, please don't think it's OK to PM me for a personal reply...I do not give out firmware and/or manuals.

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