Joke of the Day

[emujo]

Re: Joke of the Day

So in the morning, he calls 911 to come pick up the body.
The 911 operator told him that she would send someone out right away.
"Where do you live?" asked the operator.
He replied, "At the end of Eucalyptus Drive."
The operator asked, "Can you spell that for me?
There was a long pause and finally he said, "How 'bout if I drag him over to Oak Street and you pick him up there?"

And again...LOL Emujo

[emujo]

Re: Joke of the Day

In honor of "fix the copier"


BTW, it's porch, not Porsche. Emujo

[Iowatech]

Re: Joke of the Day

2016-04-01-Invading-Cattlemen-and-Native-Americans.jpg

[fixthecopier]

Re: Joke of the Day

I accidentally swallowed some scrabble tiles last night. My next trip to the bathroom could spell trouble.

[fixthecopier]

Re: Joke of the Day

I think you left off the beginning of this joke...Emujo

I think you are right. I am getting sloppy in my old age.

[NeoMatrix]

Re: Joke of the Day

I think you are right. I am getting sloppy in my old age.

Try the little blue pills...... so I've heard....... just saying......

[sdrawkcab]

Re: Joke of the Day

I've started a band called 999 Megabytes.

We don't have a gig yet.

[jonhiker]

Re: Joke of the Day

Taking a wee break from the golf course, Rory Mcllroy (the golf pro) drives his new Mercedes into an Irish gas station.

An attendant greets him in a typical Irish manner, unaware who the golf pro is...



As Rory gets out of the car, two tees fall out of his pocket.

"What are those things, laddie?" asks the attendant.

"They're called tees," replies Rory.

"And what would ya be usin 'em for, now?" inquires the Irishman.

"Well, they're for resting my balls on when I drive," replies Rory.

"Aw, exclaims the Irish attendant. "Those fellas at Mercedes think of everything...

[slimslob]

Re: Joke of the Day

[The clk man]

Re: Joke of the Day

Does "Fecal" Matter?

Hello everyone, I haven't been here in a while. I am looking for old friend, I have forgotten his online name here. Here's what I can remember he lives in lower Alabama and loves to drink beer, he is a great guy and I just wanted to catch up with him.

[ZOOTECH]

Re: Joke of the Day

Does "Fecal" Matter?

Hello everyone, I haven't been here in a while. I am looking for old friend, I have forgotten his online name here. Here's what I can remember he lives in lower Alabama and loves to drink beer, he is a great guy and I just wanted to catch up with him.

You just described probably just about most of the men in Alabama.

[slimslob]

[jonhiker]

Re: Joke of the Day

Fw: Fwd: Message to Bob's Helpline

Hi Bob,

I really need your advice on a serious problem:

I have suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me.
The usual signs: if the phone rings and I answer, the caller hangs up; she goes out with the girls a lot.
I try to stay awake to look out for her when she comes home but I usually fall asleep.


Anyway, last night about midnight, I hid in the shed behind the boat.


When she came home, she got out of someone's car buttoning her blouse, then she took her panties out of her purse and slipped them on.


It was at that moment crouched behind the boat that I noticed a hairline crack in the outboard engine mounting bracket.

Is that something I can weld or do I need to replace the whole bracket?

[jonhiker]

Re: Joke of the Day

A father told his 3 sons when he sent them to the university: "I feel it's my duty to provide you with the best possible education, and you do not owe me anything for that. However, I want you to appreciate it.

As a token, please each put $1,000 into my coffin when I die."



And so it happened.





First, it was the doctor who put 10 $100 bills onto the chest of the deceased.



Then, came the financial planner, who also put $1,000 there.



Finally, it was the heartbroken lawyer's turn. He dipped into his pocket, took out his checkbook, wrote a check for $3,000, put it into his father's coffin, and took the $2,000 cash.



He later went on to become a member of Congress.

[slimslob]

Re: Joke of the Day