Joke of the Day

[emujo]

Re: Joke of the Day

I've done this


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After this, I would never have another visitor..lol

[Akitu]

Re: Joke of the Day

Congratulations to the real winner of this week's presidential debate, the Voyager space probe! Flying away from Earth at approximately 62000 km/h.

[slimslob]

Re: Joke of the Day

[fixthecopier]

Re: Joke of the Day

I laughed out loud because I am trying to sell my daughters $200 bike and people keep offering me $20. Now I can't wait for someone to ask me that question.

[slimslob]

Re: Joke of the Day

I laughed out loud because I am trying to sell my daughters $200 bike and people keep offering me $20. Now I can't wait for someone to ask me that question.

I got it from Facebook. Debs1964 had posted it to her Facebook account. Then gwaddle ad I both shared it.

[bob marley]

Re: Joke of the Day

[slimslob]

Re: Joke of the Day

[Akitu]

Re: Joke of the Day

A lot of women are turning into good drivers. So if you're a good driver, watch out for turning women!

[slimslob]

Re: Joke of the Day

[fixthecopier]

Re: Joke of the Day

Did you know that you can tell the sex of an ant by throwing it in water? If it sinks it's a girl ant. If it floats, well then it has to be ...buoyant!

[Akitu]

Re: Joke of the Day

I'll begin by apologizing if this was posted already but I haven't had time to comb through the last hundred pages or so since my initial absence.

There was a man in Bulgaria who drove a train for a living.
He loved his job, driving a train had been his dream ever since he was a child.
He loved to make the train go as fast as possible.
Unfortunately, one day he was a little too reckless and caused a crash.
He made it out, but a single person died.
Well, needless to say, he went to court over this incident.
He was found guilty, and was sentenced to death by electrocution.
When the day of the execution came, he requested a single banana as his last meal.
After eating the banana, he was strapped into the electric chair.
The switch was flown, sparks flew and smoke filled the air- but nothing happened.
The man was perfectly fine.
Well, at the time, there was an old Bulgarian law that said a failed execution was a sign of divine intervention, so the man was allowed to go free.
And somehow, he managed to get his old job back driving the train.
Having not learned his lesson at all, he went right back to driving the train with reckless abandon.
Once again, he caused a train to crash, this time killing two people.
The trial went much the same as the first, resulting in a sentence of execution.
For his final meal, the man requested two bananas.
After eating the bananas, he was strapped into the electric chair.
The switch was thrown, sparks flew, smoke filled the room- and the man was once again unharmed.
Well, this of course meant that he was free to go.
And once again, he somehow manages to get his old job back.
To what should have been the surprise of no one, he crashed yet another train and killed three people.
And so he once again found himself being sentenced to death.
On the day of his execution, he requested his final meal- three bananas.
"You know what? No," said the executioner. "I've had it with you and your stupid bananas and walking out of here unharmed. I'm not giving you a thing to eat, we're strapping you in and doing this now."
Well, it was against protocol, but the man was strapped in to the electric chair without a last meal.
The switch was pulled, sparks flew, smoke filled the room- and the man was still unharmed.
The executioner was speechless.
The man looked at the executioner and said "Oh, the bananas had nothing to do with it. I'm just a bad conductor."

[nottoosharp]

Re: Joke of the Day

That is just terrible. This is a new grandfather I will be memorizing this joke and adding it to the grab a file of terrible jokes


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[slimslob]

Re: Joke of the Day

[fixthecopier]

Re: Joke of the Day

So, I got married once...To a solid 7/10. She wanted kids right away. Gets her wish, so fast forward 9 months, baby is on the way. I am in the waiting room because I couldn't handle it. I see my child for the first time. Told her she could name the baby anything she wanted and she tells the doctor that her name is 'Love'. Wife isn't a hippy or anything and I'm not a huge fan, but fuck it, I promised her. Fast forward 10 years. Love comes back from school crying. I ask her what's wrong. Says she is being bullied because of her name. I cheer her up with some ice cream. Problem solved and best dad award achieved. Fast Forward 7 more years. Love has turned into a 9/10. She dresses normal. Always wears red nail polish. But she is shy, very shy. She is still mocked constantly because of her not so ordinary name. She comes home from school one day, obviously disturbed. I ask her if it's about her name. She says nothing and just kisses me on the cheek and leaves. First time she has kissed me since she was a baby. Just wasn't her thing. Then, I hear my wife pulling in. She is home early from work. I hear the door open from daughter's room. The door then opens from garage. Loud blast goes off directly behind me. I fall to the ground. Wife looks at me and screams. I look down and see bullet through my chest. Love says something about her name. I look up at my still beautiful wife and I say: Shot through the heart And you're to blame You gave Love ...a bad name

[fixthecopier]

Re: Joke of the Day

A mathematician is given a psychological Test.The first question asked "You see a burning house and a hose disconnected from a fire hydrant. What do you do?" After much deliberation, the Mathematician decides he would attach the hose to the hydrant. He is then asked "You see a non-burning house and a hose disconnected from a fire hydrant. What do you do?" to which the Mathematician immediately responds, "I'll set the house of fire to reduce this to a problem I've already solved."