Joke of the Day

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  • izzynut
    Gov.

    5,000+ Posts
    • Aug 2013
    • 5347
    #5101
    Re: Joke of the Day

    A female BBC journalist heard about a very old Jewish man who had been going to the Western Wall to pray, twice a day, every day, for a long, long time.
    So she went to check it out. She went to the Western Wall and there he was, walking slowly up to the holy site.
    She watched him pray and after about 45 minutes, when he turned to leave, using a cane and moving very slowly, she approached him for an interview.
    "Pardon me, sir, I'm Rebecca Smith from BBC. What's your name?"
    "Morris Feinberg," he replied.
    "Sir, how long have you been coming to the Western Wall and praying?"
    "For about 60 years."
    "60 years! That's amazing! What do you pray for?"
    "I pray for peace between the Christians, Jews, and the Muslims."
    "I pray for all the wars and all the hatred to stop."
    "I pray for all our children to grow up safely as responsible adults and to love their fellow man."
    "I pray that politicians tell us the truth and put the interests of the people ahead of their own interests."

    "How do you feel after doing this for 60 years?"

    "Like I'm talking to a fucking brick wall!

      Comment

      • Phil B.
        Field Supervisor

        10,000+ Posts
        • Jul 2016
        • 22798
        #5102
        Re: Joke of the Day

          Comment

          • izzynut
            Gov.

            5,000+ Posts
            • Aug 2013
            • 5347
            #5103
            Re: Joke of the Day

            A man walked into a supermarket with his zipper down.
            A female checker walked up to him and said, "Your barracks door is open."
            Not a phrase that men normally use, he went on his way looking a bit puzzled.
            When he was just about done shopping, a man came up and said, "Your fly is open."
            He zipped up and finished his shopping.
            At the checkout, he intentionally got in the line where the girl was that told him about his "barracks door."
            He was planning to have a little fun with her, so when he reached the counter he said, "When you saw my barracks door open, did you see a soldier standing in there at attention?"
            The girl thought for a moment and said:
            "No, no I didn't....... but I saw a disabled veteran sitting on a couple of old duffel bags."..

              Comment

              • tsbservice
                Field tech

                Site Contributor
                5,000+ Posts
                • May 2007
                • 7925
                #5104
                Re: Joke of the Day

                I got sacked from my job as a Bingo caller. Apparently " A meal for two with a hairy view" is not the way to call No 69.

                Two Thai girls asked me if I'd like to go bed with them, they said it would be just like winning the lotto!
                I agreed, and they were right. We all stripped off and to my horror, we had six matching balls!

                A government survey has shown that 91% of illegal immigrants come to Britain so that they can see their own doctor.
                A tree is known by its fruit, a man by his deeds. A good deed is never lost, he who sows courtesy, reaps friendship, and he who plants kindness gathers love.
                Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused.

                  Comment

                  • tsbservice
                    Field tech

                    Site Contributor
                    5,000+ Posts
                    • May 2007
                    • 7925
                    #5105
                    Re: Joke of the Day

                    During a lady's medical examination, the doctor says :

                    "Your heart, lungs, pulse and blood pressure are all fine.

                    Now let me see the bit that gets you ladies into all kinds of trouble."

                    The lady starts taking off her underwear but is interrupted by the doctor.

                    "No ! No ! Don't remove your clothes........

                    Just stick out your tongue !"
                    A tree is known by its fruit, a man by his deeds. A good deed is never lost, he who sows courtesy, reaps friendship, and he who plants kindness gathers love.
                    Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused.

                      Comment

                      • tsbservice
                        Field tech

                        Site Contributor
                        5,000+ Posts
                        • May 2007
                        • 7925
                        #5106
                        Re: Joke of the Day

                        An old lady was chatting it up with St. Peter at the Pearly Gates when all of a sudden she hears the most awful, blood curdling screams.

                        "Don't worry about that," says St. Peter, "It's only someone having the holes put into her shoulder blades for wings."

                        The old lady looks a little uncomfortable but carries on with the conversation. Ten minutes later, there are more blood curdling screams.

                        "Oh my God", says the old lady, "Now what is happening?"

                        "Not to worry," says St. Peter, "She's just having her head drilled to fit the halo."

                        "I can't do this," says the old lady, "I'm going to hell."

                        "You can't go there", says St. Peter. "You'll be raped and sodomized."

                        "Maybe so", says the old lady, "but I already have the holes for that."
                        A tree is known by its fruit, a man by his deeds. A good deed is never lost, he who sows courtesy, reaps friendship, and he who plants kindness gathers love.
                        Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused.

                          Comment

                          • tsbservice
                            Field tech

                            Site Contributor
                            5,000+ Posts
                            • May 2007
                            • 7925
                            #5107
                            A tree is known by its fruit, a man by his deeds. A good deed is never lost, he who sows courtesy, reaps friendship, and he who plants kindness gathers love.
                            Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused.

                              Comment

                              • Phil B.
                                Field Supervisor

                                10,000+ Posts
                                • Jul 2016
                                • 22798
                                #5108
                                Re: Joke of the Day

                                  Comment

                                  • slimslob
                                    Retired

                                    Site Contributor
                                    25,000+ Posts
                                    • May 2013
                                    • 36890
                                    #5109

                                      Comment

                                      • slimslob
                                        Retired

                                        Site Contributor
                                        25,000+ Posts
                                        • May 2013
                                        • 36890
                                        #5110
                                        Re: Joke of the Day

                                          Comment

                                          • slimslob
                                            Retired

                                            Site Contributor
                                            25,000+ Posts
                                            • May 2013
                                            • 36890
                                            #5111
                                            Re: Joke of the Day

                                              Comment

                                              • Tricky
                                                Field Supervisor

                                                Site Contributor
                                                2,500+ Posts
                                                • Apr 2009
                                                • 2621
                                                #5112
                                                Re: Joke of the Day

                                                Originally posted by tsbservice

                                                A government survey has shown that 91% of illegal immigrants come to Britain so that they can see their own doctor.

                                                Brilliant.

                                                  Comment

                                                  • Hansen88
                                                    Service Manager

                                                    Site Contributor
                                                    1,000+ Posts
                                                    • Dec 2009
                                                    • 1050
                                                    #5113
                                                    Re: Joke of the Day

                                                    Originally posted by skynet
                                                    Brilliant.
                                                    Probably because their doctor sneaked into the country with them. They had to go to another country to see their doctor

                                                      Comment

                                                      • slimslob
                                                        Retired

                                                        Site Contributor
                                                        25,000+ Posts
                                                        • May 2013
                                                        • 36890
                                                        #5114
                                                        Re: Joke of the Day

                                                        Originally posted by Hansen88
                                                        Probably because their doctor sneaked into the country with them. They had to go to another country to see their doctor

                                                          Comment

                                                          • Phil B.
                                                            Field Supervisor

                                                            10,000+ Posts
                                                            • Jul 2016
                                                            • 22798
                                                            #5115
                                                            Re: Joke of the Day

                                                            Originally posted by slimslob

                                                            Kamala wins by at least 1000

                                                              Comment

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