Re: Joke of the Day
-
-
Re: Joke of the Day
So I'm standing at the bar and this little Chinese guy is stood beside me.
So I asked him, "Do you know any martial arts, like Kung Fu or Karate?
"Why the fook did you ask me that? Is it because I'm Chinese? he replied.
I said, "No, it's because you're drinking my effin pint you tw@!"A tree is known by its fruit, a man by his deeds. A good deed is never lost, he who sows courtesy, reaps friendship, and he who plants kindness gathers love.
Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused.Comment
-
Re: Joke of the Day
A woman went to a pet shop & immediately spotted a large, beautiful parrot. There was a sign on the cage that said $50.00, which seemed awfully cheap.
"Why so little," she asked the pet store owner.
The owner looked at her seriously and said, "Look, I should tell you first that this bird used to live in a house of Prostitution and sometimes it says some pretty vulgar stuff."
The woman thought about this, but decided she had to have the bird anyway. She took it home and hung the bird's cage up in her living room and waited for it to say something. The bird looked around the room, then at her, and said, "New house, new madam."
The woman was a bit shocked at the implication, but then found it kind of amusing.
When her 2 teenage daughters returned from school, the bird saw them enter and said, "New house, new madam, new girls."
The girls and the woman were a bit offended but then began to laugh about the situation considering how and where the parrot had been raised.
Moments later, the woman's husband came home from work.
The bird looked at him and said, "Hi, Keith!"A tree is known by its fruit, a man by his deeds. A good deed is never lost, he who sows courtesy, reaps friendship, and he who plants kindness gathers love.
Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused.Comment
-
Re: Joke of the Day
My new girlfriend asked me how many girls I've slept with.
"Eleven," I replied.
"Wow! You must be a player," she laughed.
"No," I said, "I'm their coach."A tree is known by its fruit, a man by his deeds. A good deed is never lost, he who sows courtesy, reaps friendship, and he who plants kindness gathers love.
Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused.Comment
-
Re: Joke of the Day
Comment
-
Re: Joke of the Day
A man and his wife have four beautiful daughters.
They decide they want one more child. Sure enough, nine months later they have a fifth.
Overjoyed when he can finally see it, the man looks at it in the nursery of the hospital, and it is the ugliest child he has ever seen in his life. He talks to his wife and says,
"There is no way that child is mine! We have four beautiful daughters! Have you been cheating on me?"
She says "Not this time, honey."A tree is known by its fruit, a man by his deeds. A good deed is never lost, he who sows courtesy, reaps friendship, and he who plants kindness gathers love.
Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused.Comment
-
Re: Joke of the Day
I ended up with an older woman at a club last night, she looked pretty good for a 60-year-old.
In fact she wasn't too bad at all, and I found myself thinking that she probably had a really hot daughter.
We drank a bit (well more than a bit), we had a snuggle, and she asked me if I ever had a "sportsman double?"
"Whats that?" I asked.
"It's a mother and daughter threesome," she said.
"Oh," I said as my mind began to embrace the idea. "No, I haven't."
And I wondered what this daughter of hers might look like. We drank a bit more, then she says with a wink that tonight was 'my lucky night.' I went back to her place and walked in hoping for the best night of my life. She puts on the hall light and shouted upstairs,
"Mom, you still awake?"A tree is known by its fruit, a man by his deeds. A good deed is never lost, he who sows courtesy, reaps friendship, and he who plants kindness gathers love.
Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused.Comment
-
Re: Joke of the Day
An old man in Mississippi is sitting on his front porch watching the sun rise.
He sees the neighbor's kid walk by carrying something big under his arm.
"Hey boy, whatcha got there?"
"Roll of chicken wire."
"What you gonna do with that?"
"Gonna catch some chickens."
"You damn fool! You can't catch chickens with chicken wire!"
The boy just laughs and keeps walking.
That evening at sunset, the boy comes walking by, dragging behind him the chicken wire with about 30 chickens caught in it.
The next morning, the old man is out watching the sun rise and he sees the boy walk by carrying something in his hand.
"Hey boy, whatcha got there?"
"Roll of duct tape."
"What you gonna do with that?"
"Gonna catch me some ducks."
"You damn fool! You can't catch ducks with duct tape!"
The boy just laughs and keeps walking.
That night around sunset the boy walks by, trailing behind him the unrolled roll of duct tape with about 35 ducks caught in it.
The next morning, the old man sees the boy walking by carrying what looks like a long reed with something fuzzy on the end.
"Hey boy, whatcha got there?"
"It's a pussy willow."
"Wait up...I'll get my hat."A tree is known by its fruit, a man by his deeds. A good deed is never lost, he who sows courtesy, reaps friendship, and he who plants kindness gathers love.
Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused.Comment
-
Re: Joke of the Day
"May I help you?"
"I can't see a toilet for my gender identity, only for men and women."
"Here's a tampon for you."
"But I don't have a vagina."
"Gents it is, then."Comment
-
Re: Joke of the Day
I used to work in the cafe at a nudist colony, and I was the most popular guy there. Mainly because I could carry two cups of coffee, and a dozen doughnuts at the same time.Comment
-
Re: Joke of the Day
Comment
-
Re: Joke of the Day
Comment
Comment