Re: Joke of the Day
A man in a hot air balloon
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Re: Joke of the Day
A 25-year-old Jewish woman tells her mum that she has missed her period for two months.
Very worried, the mother goes to the local pharmacy and buys a pregnancy test kit. The test confirms that her daughter is pregnant. Shouting and crying, the mother says, "Who was the selfish bastard that did this to you? I demand to know!"
Without answering, the girl picks up the phone and makes a call. Half an hour later, a Bentley stops in front of their house. A middle-aged and very distinguished man steps out the car and enters the house.
He sits in the lounge with the father and mother, and tells them, "Your daughter has informed me of the problem. I can't marry her
because of my personal family situation but I'll take charge. I will pay all costs and provide for your daughter for the rest of her life"
He continues, "Additionally, if a girl is born I will bequeath two retail furniture stores, a deli, a chateau in France and a $1m bank account."
He continues, "If a boy is born my legacy will be a chain of jewelry stores and a $25m bank account."
"However, if there is a miscarriage I'm not sure what to do. What would you suggest?"
All silent at this point, the mother placed a hand firmly on the man's shoulder and told him, "You'll try again."Comment
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Re: Joke of the Day
Low Battery : A man saved his girlfriend's phone number on his mobile as 'Low Battery'. Whenever she calls him, in his absence, his wife takes the phone and plugs
it into the charger. Give that guy a medal!Comment
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Re: Joke of the Day
Two Thai girls asked me if I'd like to go bed with them; they said it would be just like winning Lotto! I agreed, and they were right. We all stripped off, and to my horror, we
had six matching balls!Comment
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Re: Joke of the Day
Happy Anniversary : Just booked a table for our wedding anniversary for me and the wife. Bound to end in tears though; she's lousy at snooker.Comment
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Re: Joke of the Day
If you get an email telling you that you can catch swine flu from tins of ham then delete it. It's spam.Comment
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Re: Joke of the Day
They say that sex is the best form of exercise. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't think 2 minutes and 15 seconds every 3 months is going to shift this beer belly.Comment
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Re: Joke of the Day
63 Pakistanis died on Christmas Island this morning. It was not a terrorist attack. A bunk bed in the detention centre collapsed. The police are blaming AL IKEA.Comment
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Re: Joke of the Day
Scientists have revealed today that they have found a new drug for depressed lesbians. It's called Trycoxagain.Comment
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Re: Joke of the Day
Man walks into a pet store and sees a sign for a "Toothless Gerbil, $200"
"Wow" he says, that's a lot for a gerbil with no teeth.
The clerk comes over and says:
"Let me show you why, open your zipper."
He places the gerbil in the mans pants and it gives him the best blow job he has ever had.
An hour later, the man walks into his kitchen and throws the gerbil down on the floor at his wifes feet.
She screamed and jumped up on the counter:
"What the hell is that?"
Her husband replied:
"It doesn't mater, teach it to cook, and get the fuck out!"A tree is known by its fruit, a man by his deeds. A good deed is never lost, he who sows courtesy, reaps friendship, and he who plants kindness gathers love.
Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused.Comment
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Re: Joke of the Day
A man is stuck in traffic in downtown DC when a charity worker approaches his car window.
He rolls down the window to hear the charity worker tell him,
"Terrorists have captured Congress! If we don't give them 100 million dollars in 24 hours they're going to douse them in gasoline and set them on fire.
We're going around collecting donations."
He pauses, then asks the charity worker,
"How much have you collected so far?"
"300 gallons."A tree is known by its fruit, a man by his deeds. A good deed is never lost, he who sows courtesy, reaps friendship, and he who plants kindness gathers love.
Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused.Comment
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