Re: Joke of the Day
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Re: Joke of the Day
CHOOSING A WIFE?????
A man wanted to get married. He was having trouble choosing among three likely candidates. He gives each woman a present of $5,000 andwatches to see what they do with the money.
The First does a total makeover. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new makeup; buys several new outfits and dresses up very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much.
The man was impressed.
The Second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much..
Again,the man is impressed.
The Third invests the money in the stock market She earns several times the $5,000. She gives him back his $5,000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much.
Obviously, the man was impressed..
The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money he'd given her.
Then he married the one with the biggest tits.
Men are like that, you know.
And on another note!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagratoday than onAlzheimer's research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.
If you don't send this to five OLD friends right away there will be five fewer people laughing in the worldComment
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Re: Joke of the Day
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A tree is known by its fruit, a man by his deeds. A good deed is never lost, he who sows courtesy, reaps friendship, and he who plants kindness gathers love.
Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused.Comment
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A tree is known by its fruit, a man by his deeds. A good deed is never lost, he who sows courtesy, reaps friendship, and he who plants kindness gathers love.
Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused.Comment
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Re: Joke of the Day
One afternoon a lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw
two men along the road-side eating grass.
Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and got out to investigate.
He asked one man, "Why are you eating grass?"
"We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied.
"We have to eat grass."
"Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I'll feed you,
" the lawyer said.
"But sir, I have a wife and two children with me. They are over there,
under that tree."
"Bring them along," the lawyer replied.
Turning to the other poor man he stated, "You may come with us, also."
The second man, in a pitiful voice, then said, "But sir, I also have a wife
and SIX children with me!"
"Bring them all as well," the lawyer answered.
They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large
as the limousine was.
Once under way, one of the poor fellows turned to the lawyer and said,
"Sir, you are too kind."
"Thank you for taking all of us with you.
The lawyer replied, "Glad to do it.
You'll really love my place.
The grass is almost a foot high."A tree is known by its fruit, a man by his deeds. A good deed is never lost, he who sows courtesy, reaps friendship, and he who plants kindness gathers love.
Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused.Comment
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A tree is known by its fruit, a man by his deeds. A good deed is never lost, he who sows courtesy, reaps friendship, and he who plants kindness gathers love.
Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused.Comment
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A tree is known by its fruit, a man by his deeds. A good deed is never lost, he who sows courtesy, reaps friendship, and he who plants kindness gathers love.
Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused.Comment
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Re: Joke of the Day
Four brothers left home for college and they became successful doctors and lawyers and prospered.
Some years later, they chatted after having dinner together. They discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly mother who lived in another city.
The first said, "I had a big house built for Mama."
The second said, "I had a hundred thousand dollar theater built in the house."
The third said, "I had a Mercedes dealer deliver an SL600 to her."
The fourth said, "You know how Mama loved reading the Bible and you know she can't read anymore because she can't see very well. I met this preacher who told me about a parrot that can recite the entire Bible. It took twenty preachers 12 years to teach him. I had to pledge to contribute $100,000 a year for twenty years to the church, but it was worth it. Mama just has to name the chapter and verse and the parrot will recite it."
The other brothers were impressed.
Mama wrote: "Milton, the house you built is so huge. I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house. Thanks anyway."
"Michael, you gave me an expensive theater with Dolby sound, it could hold 50 people, but all my friends are dead, I've lost my hearing and I'm nearly blind. I'll never use it. Thank you for the gesture just the same."
"Marvin, I am too old to travel. I stay at home and I have my groceries delivered, so I never use the Mercedes. The thought was good. Thanks."
"Dearest Melvin, you were the only son to have the good sense to give a little thought to your gift. The chicken was delicious."A tree is known by its fruit, a man by his deeds. A good deed is never lost, he who sows courtesy, reaps friendship, and he who plants kindness gathers love.
Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused.Comment
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Re: Joke of the Day
Confession
Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl."
The priest asks, "Is that you, little Joey Pagano?"
"'Yes, Father, it is."
"And who was the girl you were with?"
"I can't tell you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation."
"Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?"
"I cannot say.".
"Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?"
"I'll never tell.""Was it Nina Capelli?"
"I'm sorry, but I cannot name her."
"Was it Cathy Piriano?"
"My lips are sealed."
"Was it Rosa DiAngelo, then?"
"Please, Father, I cannot tell you."
The priest sighs in frustration. "You're very tight lipped, and I admire that. But you've sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself."
Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and whispers,
"What'd you get?"
"Four months vacation and five good leads!"
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Re: Joke of the Day
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A tree is known by its fruit, a man by his deeds. A good deed is never lost, he who sows courtesy, reaps friendship, and he who plants kindness gathers love.
Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused.Comment
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Re: Joke of the Day
Facebook will begin stealing your undergarments at midnight tonight if you don't copy & paste this message in the next 37 seconds, forward it to everyone in your mailing list, print a hard copy for your grandmother & call your third grade teacher. This is real. I got the message first hand from Elvis who was having lunch with Bigfoot, while riding the Loch Ness monster. It was even on the inside back cover of every tabloid in the grocery store checkout line. Not only will Facebook start charging you tomorrow, they are also going to bill your credit card for the past 3 years of services. Luckily, each person who copies & pastes this status will receive a FREE unicorn in the mail tomorrow. However, if you don't re-post this status, Facebook code has been set up to automatically set your computer on fire & harm an innocent bunny in the forest! It's all true, it was on the news! It's official: Facebook users will believe anything their friends copy & paste into their status. Don't forget the hearts. All good copy and pastes gotta have hearts.
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