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Re: Joke of the Day
A bloke goes to the council to apply for a job.
The interviewer asks him,"Are you allergic to anything"?
He replies, "Yes caffeine."
"Have you ever worked for the public service before."
"Yes I was in the army"he says,I was in Iraq for two tours."
The interviewer says, "That will give you 5 extra points toward employment.
Then he asks,"Are you disabled in any way?"
The guy says "Yes,a mine exploded next to me when I was there and I lost both my testicles." The interviewer grimaces and then says,"O.K.
You've got enough points for me to take you on right away.
Our normal hours are from 8.00am to 4.00pm.......but you can start tomorrow at 10.00am-and carry on starting at 10.00am everyday."
The bloke is puzzled and asks."If the work hours are from 8.00am to 4.00pm ,why don't you want me here until 10.00am? I'm not looking for any special treatment y'know."
"What you have to understand is that this is a council job,"the interviewer says,
"For the first two hours,we just stand around drinking coffee and scratching our balls. There's no point coming in for that."A tree is known by its fruit, a man by his deeds. A good deed is never lost, he who sows courtesy, reaps friendship, and he who plants kindness gathers love.
Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused.Comment
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A tree is known by its fruit, a man by his deeds. A good deed is never lost, he who sows courtesy, reaps friendship, and he who plants kindness gathers love.
Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused.Comment
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A tree is known by its fruit, a man by his deeds. A good deed is never lost, he who sows courtesy, reaps friendship, and he who plants kindness gathers love.
Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused.Comment
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Re: Joke of the Day
If you meet a girl that admits when she's wrong, and apologizes for her transgressions, and changes her ways,
Dump her! Because that's probably a Man! Women don't do that.OmertÃComment
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Re: Joke of the Day
Lady Penelope: "Parker"
Parker: "Yes, Milady"
Lady Penelope:Take off my shoes"
Parker: "Yes, Milady"
Lady Penelope:Take off my dress"
Parker: "Yes, Milady"
Lady Penelope:Take off my bra"
Parker: "Yes, Milady"
Lady Penelope: "Take off my knickers"
Parker: "Yes, Milady"
Lady Penelope: "And,Parker......"
Parker: "Yes, Milady"
Lady Penelope: "And if I catch you wearing my clothes again, you're fired"A tree is known by its fruit, a man by his deeds. A good deed is never lost, he who sows courtesy, reaps friendship, and he who plants kindness gathers love.
Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused.Comment
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A tree is known by its fruit, a man by his deeds. A good deed is never lost, he who sows courtesy, reaps friendship, and he who plants kindness gathers love.
Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused.Comment
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A tree is known by its fruit, a man by his deeds. A good deed is never lost, he who sows courtesy, reaps friendship, and he who plants kindness gathers love.
Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused.Comment
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Re: Joke of the Day
An old, blind Marine wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake.
He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels.
After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?'
The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.
In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says,
'Before you tell that joke I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things:
1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.
3. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.
5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.
Now, think about it seriously, do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?'
The blind Marine thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters, 'No...not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times.'Comment
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Re: Joke of the Day
a woman walks into the downtown welfare office, trailed by 15 kids.
'wow,' the social worker exclaims, 'are they all yours?
'yep, they're all mine, ' the flustered momma sighs, having heard that question a thousand times before. She says, 'sit down, terry.' all the children rush to find seats.
'well,' says the social worker, 'then you must be here to sign up. I'll need all your children's names.
well, to keep it simple, the boys are all named terry and the girls are all named terri.
in disbelief, the case worker says, 'are you serious? They're all named terry?
their momma replied, 'well, yes - it makes it easier. When it's time to get them out of bed and ready for school , i yell, terry! And when it's time for dinner, i just yell terry! And they all come a running. If i need to stop the kid who's running into the street, i just yell terry and all of them stop. It's the smartest idea i ever had, naming them all terry.
the social worker thinks this over for a bit, then wrinkles her forehead and says tentatively, 'but what if you just want one kid to come, and not the whole bunch?
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Re: Joke of the Day
A group of Alabama friends went deer hunting and paired off in twos for the day. That night, one of the hunters returned alone, staggering under the weight of an eight-point buck.
"Where's Henry?" the others asked.
" Henry had a stroke o' some kind. He's a couple of miles back up the trail," the successful hunter replied.
" You left Henry layin' out there and carried the deer back?" they inquired.
"A tough call," nodded the hunter. "But I figured no one's gonna steal Henry!Comment
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