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I know I should be ashamed of myself. Strangely though, I am not. -
Re: Joke of the Day
My wife complained I don't see things from her perspective,so I went and stood in the kitchen.Some days, it's just not worth chewing through the restraintsComment
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Last edited by ZOOTECH; 08-26-2015, 04:06 AM."You can't trust your eyes, if your mind is out of focus" --
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Re: Joke of the Day
A traveling salesman was driving down a country road when he noticed a three-legged chicken was running alongside his car. He stepped on the gas, but at 50 mph the chicken was still keeping up. After a mile, the chicken ran into a barn behind an old farmhouse.
The salesman had time to kill, so he drove up the lane to the farmhouse. He knocked at the door, and when the farmer answered he told the farmer what he'd just seen. The farmer knew about the chicken. "As a matter of fact, he said, " my son is a geneticist, and he developed this breed because he and my mother, and I all like drumsticks when we have dinner. This way we only kill one chicken."
"Wow," the salesman says. "How do they taste?"
"I don't know. We can't catch them.""You can't trust your eyes, if your mind is out of focus" --Comment
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Re: Joke of the Day
Hey girl, are you a zero APR loan? Because I don't understand your terms and you keep saying you have no interest.Cthulhu for president! Why settle for the lesser evil?Comment
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Tip for the day; Treat every problem as your dog would.....If you cant eat it or f*ck it....then p*ss on it & walk away...Comment
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Re: Joke of the Day
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Re: Joke of the Day
I heard that one with the men and their wives getting progressively older. The first guy, it's his fiance. The second guy, they'd been married 5 years. The third guy married 10 years.
I think it works better.
The punchline for the third guy is:
"Someone loaded blanks in my gun. I had to choke the BI!"Comment
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Re: Joke of the Day
"Son, I wanted to let you know you were adopted," my dad told me.
"Are you kidding? Really?" I shouted.
"Yup, get ready," he said. "They'll be picking you up in about an hour."Cthulhu for president! Why settle for the lesser evil?Comment
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Inauguration to the "AI cancel-culture" fraternity 1997...
•••••• •••[§]• |N | € | o | M | Δ | t | π | ¡ | x | •[§]••• ••••••Comment
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Re: Joke of the Day
If you've never seen a parody from "Honest Trailers", here's the latest:
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The greatest enemy of knowledge isn't ignorance, it is the illusion of knowledge. Stephen HawkingComment
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Re: Joke of the Day
Fred and Mary got married.
But they can't afford a honeymoon, so they go back to Fred's parent's home for their first night together. In the morning, Johnny, Fred's little brother, gets up and has his breakfast.
As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his mom if Fred and Mary are up yet.
She replies, "No".
Johnny asks, "Do you know what I think?"
His mom replies, "I don't want to hear what you think! Just go to school."
Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mom, "Are Fred and Mary up yet?"
She replies, "No."
Johnny says, "Do you know what I think?"
His mom replies, "Never mind what you think! Eat your lunch and go back to school."
After school, Johnny comes home and asks again, "Are Fred and Mary up yet?"
His mom says "No."
He asks, "Do you know what I think?"
His mom replies, "Ok, ok, tell me what you think!!!"
He says: "Last night Fred came to my room for the Vaseline and I think I gave him my airplane glue."I know I should be ashamed of myself. Strangely though, I am not.Comment
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Re: Joke of the Day
On the outskirts of a small town, there was a big, old pecan tree just inside the cemetery fence. One day, two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing the nuts. "One for you, one for me, one for you, one for me," said one boy. Several dropped and rolled down toward the fence.
Another boy came riding along the road on his bicycle. As he passed, he thought he heard voices from inside the cemetery. He slowed down to investigate. Sure enough, he heard, "One for you, one for me, one for you, one for me ...."
He just knew what it was. He jumped back on his bike and rode off. Just around the bend he met an old man with a cane, hobbling along.
"Come here quick," said the boy, "you won't believe what I heard! Satan and the Lord are down at the cemetery dividing up the souls!"
The man said, "Beat it kid, can't you see it's hard for me to walk." When the boy insisted though, the man hobbled slowly to the cemetery.
Standing by the fence they heard, "One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me."
The old man whispered, "Boy, you've been tellin' me the truth. Let's see if we can see the Lord...?" Shaking with fear, they peered through the fence, yet were still unable to see anything. The old man and the boy gripped the wrought iron bars of the fence tighter and tighter as they tried to get a glimpse of the Lord.
At last they heard, "One for you, one for me. That's all. Now let's go get those nuts by the fence and we'll be done...."
They say the old man had the lead for a good half-mile before the kid on the bike passed him.Comment
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