Re: Joke of the Day
What's it called when a chameleon can't change its colors anymore?
A reptile dysfunction.
What's it called when a chameleon can't change its colors anymore?
A reptile dysfunction.
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Re: Joke of the Day
While in Israel, his stepmother died at the hotel.
The people there told him:
"Sir, if you want to bury her back in the United States, it's going to cost you $5,000 to bring back her corpse. But since she died at the hotel, we can do the funeral here in Israel for free.
The man immediately refused and said he would pay the $5,000 fee to do the funeral back home.
When in the USA, his wife came up to him and said:
"I really love what you just did for my mom. That proves me that you actually loved my mother and you respected her"
Man: Babe, are you crazy?! Those Israelis are the same people who buried Jesus and three days later he came back to life. I'm not about to take that risk with your mother.Comment
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Re: Joke of the Day
Dave is sitting at the bar with his friend Mike, confiding in him about his troubled love life.
"I'm crazy about this girl at work" Dave starts, "but I can't even look at her without getting a massive erection. How am I supposed to ask her out if I can't even look at her without losing the run of myself?"
Mike pauses for a moment and shares with Dave,
"Dude I have had this problem before."
"Really?" asks Dave.
"Yeah man, I used duct tape. Strapped my piece to my leg and I didn't have to worry about it when I made my move."
Dave decides it's worth a shot, thanks Mike, drains his beer and leaves.
The pair meet at the bar the following evening and Dave seems more down than before.
"What's up Dave? How did it go?" enquires Mike, eager for answers.
"I took your advice" he replied. "It did it all. Taped my piece to my leg, got dressed for work and marched right up to her."
"So what happened?!" presses Mike.
"Well I reached her just as she was taking her coat off and she turns around wearing this insanely tight dress...."
Dave trails off.
"What did you say to her?" Mike asks
"I kicked her in the face."Comment
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Re: Joke of the Day
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Re: Joke of the Day
How did Helen Keller's parents punish her?
they'd rearrange the furniture.
My gramp was blind... long story short ... I got the working end of his red n white guiding stick NUMEROUS times for that same indiscretion!
can honestly say... i never got whacked when i didn't deserve it!
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Re: Joke of the Day
This will no doubt put Coca Cola out of business in the near future...!
The Pfizer Corporation announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form and this new product will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer.
It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one.
Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names of cocktails, highballs and just a good old-fashioned stiff drink.
Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of: MOUNT & DO.
Thought for the day...There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research.
This means that by 2025, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs, huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them
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Re: Joke of the Day
A couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things. During a check-up, the doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember ..
Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair 'Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?' he asks.
'Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?'
'Sure.'
'Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?' she asks.
'No, I can remember it.'
'Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it down, so as not to forget it?'
He says, 'I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries.'
'I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, write it down?' she asks.
Irritated, he says, 'I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!'
Then he toddles into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes, the old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs. She stares at the plate for a moment.
'Where's my toast?'
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Re: Joke of the Day
An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen.
The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, ' Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great I would recommend it very highly.'
The other man said, 'What is the name of the restaurant?'
'Do you mean a rose?'
'Yes, that's the one,' replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, 'Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?'Comment
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Re: Joke of the Day
Hospital regulations require a wheel chair for patients being discharged. However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, who insisted he didn't need my help to leave the hospital.
After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator.
On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him.
'I don't know,' he said. 'She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown.'
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Re: Joke of the Day
A manwas telling his neighbor, 'I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's perfect.'
'Really,' answered the neighbor. 'What kind is it?'
'Twelve thirty'Comment
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“I think you should treat good friends like a fine wine. That’s why I keep mine locked up in the basement.” - Tim HawkinsComment
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Re: Joke of the Day
I'm glad you wrote it down for m...
......
Inauguration to the "AI cancel-culture" fraternity 1997...
•••••• •••[§]• |N | € | o | M | Δ | t | π | ¡ | x | •[§]••• ••••••Comment
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Re: Joke of the Day
A little old manshuffled slowly into an ice cream parlour and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool... After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split.
The waitress asked kindly, 'Crushed nuts?'
'No,' he replied, 'Arthritis.'Comment
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Re: Joke of the Day
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