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Re: Joke of the Day
Five surgeons are discussing who makes the best patients to operate on.
The first surgeon, says, "I like to see accountants on my operating table
because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered."
The second, responds, "Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything
inside them is color coded."
The third surgeon, says, "No, I really think librarians are the best!
Everything inside them is in alphabetical order."
The fourth surgeon, chimes in: "You know, I like construction
workers...Those guys always understand when you have a
few parts left over.'
But the fifth surgeon, shut them all up when he said: 'You're all wrong.
Politicians are the easiest to operate on.
There's no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains, and no spine... Plus, the
head and the ass are interchangeable!Comment
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Re: Joke of the Day
For my Male Friends!
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Re: Joke of the Day
Embarrassing Medical Exams
1. A man comes into the ER and yells . . .'
My wife's going to have her baby in the cab.'
I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress and began to take off her underwear.
Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs - - -
and I was in the wrong one.
Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald ,
San Francisco
2... At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall.
'Yes, they used to be,'. . . Replied the patient.
Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes ,
Seattle , WA
3. One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct.
Not more than five minutes later, I heard her Reporting to the rest of the family that he had Died of a 'massive internal fart.'
Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg
4. During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with One of his medications.
Which one?'. .. . I asked. 'The patch...
The Nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm running out of places to put it!'
I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see.
Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body!
Now, the instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a new one.
Submitted by Dr. Rebecca St. Clair ,
Norfolk , VA
5. While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, 'How long have you been bedridden?'
After a look of complete confusion she answered .. . . ' Why, not for about twenty years - when my husband was alive.'
Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson-
Corvallis , OR
6. I was performing rounds at the hospital one morning and while checking up on a man I asked . . .' So how's your breakfast this morning?' ?It's very good except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste. Bob replied. I then asked to see the jelly and Bob produced
A foil packet labeled 'KY Jelly.'
Submitted by Dr. Leonard Kransdorf ,
Detroit ,
7. A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room when a young woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, It was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was Scheduled for immediate surgery.. When she was completely disrobed on the operating Table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green and above it there was a Tattoo that read . . .' Keep off the grass.'
Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's dressing, which said 'Sorry . . . Had to mow the lawn.'
Submitted by RN no name,
AND FINALLY!! ! . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
8. As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB, I was quite embarrassed when performing female pelvic exams... To cover my embarrassment I had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly.
The middle-aged lady upon whom I was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing and further embarrassing me.
I looked up from my work and sheepishly said....' I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?'
She replied with tears running down her cheeks from laughing so hard ....
' No doctor but the song you were whistling was ....' I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener .'
Dr. Wouldn't submit his name....
1 MORE
Baby's First Doctor Visit
This made me laugh out loud. I hope it will give you a smile!
A woman and a baby werein the doctor's examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in for the baby's first exam.
The doctor arrived, and examined the baby, checked his weight, and being a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed.
'Breast-fed,' she replied.
She did He pinched her nipples, pressed, kneaded, and rubbed both breasts for a while in a very professional and detailed examination. Motioning to her to get dressed, the doctor said, 'No wonder this baby is underweight. You don't have any milk.'
I know,' she said, 'I'm his Grandma,Comment
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Re: Joke of the Day
I was in my back yard trying to launch a kite.
I threw the kite up in the air, the wind would catch it for a few
seconds, then it would come crashing back down to earth.
I tried this a few more times with no success.
All the while, my wife Karen is watching from the kitchen window,
Muttering to herself how men need to be told how to do everything.
She opens the window and yelled to me,
'You need a piece of tail.'
I turned with a confused look on my face and said,
'Make up your mind. Last night, you told me to go fly a kite.'Comment
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Re: Joke of the Day
Sally Mulligan of Comox, British Columbia decided to take
one of the jobs that most Canadians are not willing to do.
The woman applying for a job in an Okanagan lemon grove seemed to
be far too qualified for the job. She had a liberal arts degree from the
University of British Columbia and had worked as a social worker and school teacher.
The foreman frowned and said, "I have to ask you, have you had any actual experience in picking lemons?"
"Well, as a matter of fact, I have! I've been divorced three times, owned 2 Fords and voted for Trudeau."Comment
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Re: Joke of the Day
Memorable Password
Always choose a memorable password!
A lady helps her husband install a new computer.
Once it is completed, she tells him to select a password,
Selecting a word that he'll always remember.
As the computer asks him to enter it, he looks at his wife
And with a macho gesture and a wink in his eye,
He selects a word:
Mypenis.
As he hits "enter", to validate the selection, his wife
Collapses with laughter and rolls on the floor in hysteria!!
The computer had replied:
TOO SHORT- ACCESS DENIED!
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Re: Joke of the Day
An Engineer dies and goes to Hell. Dissatisfied with the level of comfort, he starts designing and building improvements. After a while, Hell has air conditioning, flush toilets, and escalators.
The engineer is a pretty popular guy.
One day God calls and asks Satan, "So, how's it going down there?" Satan says, "Hey things are going great. We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling
what this engineer is going to come up with next."
God is horrified. "What? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake - he should never have gone down there! You know all engineers go to Heaven. Send him up here! "
Satan says, "No way. I like having an engineer on the staff. I'm keeping him."
God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue."
"Yeah, right," Satan laughs, "and where are you going to get a lawyer?"
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Re: Joke of the Day
Memorable Password
Always choose a memorable password!
A lady helps her husband install a new computer.
Once it is completed, she tells him to select a password,
Selecting a word that he'll always remember.
As the computer asks him to enter it, he looks at his wife
And with a macho gesture and a wink in his eye,
He selects a word:
Mypenis.
As he hits "enter", to validate the selection, his wife
Collapses with laughter and rolls on the floor in hysteria!!
The computer had replied:
TOO SHORT- ACCESS DENIED!
Too old plus doesn't meet complexity requirements
A tree is known by its fruit, a man by his deeds. A good deed is never lost, he who sows courtesy, reaps friendship, and he who plants kindness gathers love.
Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused.Comment
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Re: Joke of the Day
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