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I know I should be ashamed of myself. Strangely though, I am not. -
Re: Joke of the Day
I'll have you know my penis was once in the Guinness book of world records...
But then the librarian yelled at me and made me leave the library.Cthulhu for president! Why settle for the lesser evil?Comment
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Re: Joke of the Day
----- Sleeping with Bob
The guys were all at a deer camp. No one wanted to room with Bob, because he
snored so badly.. They decided it wasn't fair to make one of them stay with him
the whole time, so they voted to take turns.
The first guy slept with Bob and comes to breakfast the next morning with his
hair a mess and his eyes all bloodshot. They said, "Man, what happened to you?
He said, "Bob snored so loudly, I just sat up and watched him all night."
The next night it was a different guy's turn. In the morning, same thing, hair
all standing up, eyes all bloodshot. They said, "Man, what happened to you? You
look awful! He said, 'Man, that Bob shakes the roof with his snoring. I watched
him all night."
The third night was Fred's turn. Fred was a tanned, older cowboy, a man's man.
The next morning he came to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. "Good
morning!" he said. They couldn't believe it.. They said, "Man, what happened?"
He said, "Well, we got ready for bed. I went and tucked Bob into bed, patted him
on the butt, and kissed him good night. Bob sat up and watched me all night."Comment
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There are 10 types of people in this world, those who understand binary maths and those who don'tComment
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Cthulhu for president! Why settle for the lesser evil?Comment
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Re: Joke of the Day
There's nothing worse than a Doctor's Receptionist who insists you tell her what is wrong with you, in a room full of other patients. I know most of us have experienced this, and I love the way this old guy handled it.
A 75-year-old man walked into a crowded waiting room and approached the desk. The Receptionist said, 'Yes sir, what are you seeing the Doctor for today?'
'There's something wrong with my dick', he replied.
The receptionist became irritated and said, 'You shouldn't come into a crowded waiting room and say things like that.'
'Why not, you asked me what was wrong and I told you,' he said.
The Receptionist replied; 'Now you have caused some needless embarrassment in this room full of people. You should have said there is something wrong with your ear or something and discussed the problem further with the Doctor in private.'
The man replied, 'You should not ask people questions in a roomful of strangers if the answer could embarrass anyone.' The man then decided to walk out, waited several minutes and then re-entered.
The Receptionist smiled smugly and asked, 'Yes??'
'There's something wrong with my ear,' he stated loudly.
The Receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he had taken her advice. 'What is wrong with your ear, Sir?'
'I can't piss out of it,' he replied.
The waiting room erupted in laughter.
I know I should be ashamed of myself. Strangely though, I am not.Comment
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Re: Joke of the Day
Teacher: "Anyone who thinks he's stupid may stand up!"
Nobody stands up -
Teacher: "I'm sure there are some stupid students over here!!"
Little Johnny stands up -
Teacher: "Ohh, Johnny you think you're stupid?"
Little Johnny: "No... i just feel bad that you're standing alone...""You can't trust your eyes, if your mind is out of focus" --
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Re: Joke of the Day
A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is leaning against the headboard smoking a cigarette with a satisfied smile on its face. The egg, looking a bit ticked off, grabs the sheet, rolls over and says ... Well, I guess we finally answered "THAT question!"Comment
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Re: Joke of the Day
A young family moved into a house next door to an empty plot. One day, a gang of building workers turned up to start building on the plot.
The young family's 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and started talking with the workers.
She hung around and eventually the builders, all with hearts of gold, more or less adopted the little girl as a sort of project mascot. They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had tea and lunch breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important.
They even gave the child her very own hard hat and gloves, which thrilled her immensely.
At the end of the first week, the smiling builders presented her with a pay envelope - containing two pounds in 10p coins. The little girl took
her 'pay' home to her mother who suggested that they take the money to the bank the next day to open a savings account.
At the bank, the female cashier was tickled pink listening to the little girl telling her about her 'work' on the building site and the fact she had a 'pay packet'.
'You must have worked very hard to earn all this', said the cashier.
The little girl proudly replied, 'Yes, I worked every day with Steve and Wayne and Mike. We're building a big house.'
'My goodness gracious,' said the cashier, 'And will you be working on the house again next week?'
The child thought for a moment. Then she said seriously:
'I think so. Provided those wankers at Jewsons deliver the fucking bricks on time.'Cthulhu for president! Why settle for the lesser evil?Comment
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Re: Joke of the Day
A young cowboy sitting in a saloon one Saturday night recognized an elderly
man standing at the bar who, in his day, had been the fastest gun in the
West.
The cowboy took a place next to the old-timer, bought him a drink and told
him of his great ambition to be a great shot...
'Could you give me some tips?' he asked.
The old man said, 'Well, for one thing, you're wearing your gun too high -
tie the holster a little lower down on your leg.'
'Will that make me a better gunfighter?'
'Sure will '
The young man did as he was told, stood up, whipped out his .44 and shot the
bow tie off the piano player.
'That's terrific!' said the cowboy. 'Got any more tips?'
'Yep,' said the old man. 'Cut a notch out of your holster where the hammer
hits it - that'll give you a smoother draw'
'Will that make me a better gunfighter?' asked the young man.
'You bet it will,' said the old-timer.
The young man took out his knife, cut the notch, stood up, drew his gun in a
blur, and then shot a cufflink off the piano player.
'Wow!' exclaimed the cowboy 'I'm learnin' somethin' here. Got any more
tips?'
The old man pointed to a large can in a corner of the saloon. 'See that axle
grease over there? Coat your gun with it.'
The young man smeared some of the grease on the barrel of his gun.
'No,' said the old-timer, 'I mean smear it all over the gun, handle and
all..'
'Will that make me a better gunfighter?' asked the young man..
'No,' said the old-timer, 'but when Wyatt Earp gets done playing the piano,
he's gonna shove that gun up your ass, and it won't hurt as much.Comment
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Re: Joke of the Day
What's the average amount of time it takes a women to achieve climax? Who cares... EmujoIf you don't see your question answered in the forum, please don't think it's OK to PM me for a personal reply...I do not give out firmware and/or manuals.Comment
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Re: Joke of the Day
a man decides for his anniversery to take his wife out to a fancy restaurant.
they had a lovely meal and he asked for his bill .it came to $320 .he said I have added my bill up and it should only be $300 whats the extra $20 dollars for.
the waiter said the twenty dollars is for the use of the cruet .but said the man we didn't use the cruet.
the waiter said but it was there if you wanted to.
the man got $280 dollars out of his wallet and gave it to the waiter.
the waiter said where is the other $40 dollars .
he said that's for making love to my wife. the waiter said I never touched your wife.
the man said ,well she was there if you wanted to
$Comment
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