Joke of the Day

[tsbservice]

The genie clapped his hands with a deafening crash, and immediately the entire sea turned into the finest brew ever sampled by mortals.

Simultaneously, the genie vanished. Only the gentle lapping of beer on the hull broke the stillness as the men considered their circumstances.

One man looked disgustedly at the other whose wish had been granted. After a long, tension filled moment, he spoke:

[tsbservice]

Re: Joke of the Day

Sister Catherine is asking all the Catholic school children in fourth grade what they want to be when they grow up.

Little Sheila says:

"When I grow up, I want to be a prostitute!"

Sister Catherine's eyes grow wide and she barks:

"What the (beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeb) did you say?"

"A prostitute!" Sheila repeats.

Sister Catherine breathes a sight of relief and says:

"Thank God! I thought you said a Protestant"

[izzynut]

Re: Joke of the Day

Walkingcan add minutes to your life.
This enables you at 85 years oldto spend an additional 5 months in a nursing home at $4,000 permonth.


Mygrandpa started walking five miles a day when he was 60.
Nowhe's 97 years old and we have no idea where the hell he is.

[izzynut]

Re: Joke of the Day

Ilike long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoyme.


Theonly reason I would take up walking is so that I could hear heavybreathing again

Ihave to walk early in the morning, before my brain figures out whatI'm doing...
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Everytime I hear the dirty word 'exercise', I wash my mouth out withchocolate.
Ido have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach coversthem.
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Theadvantage of exercising every day is so when you die, they'll lookat you there in the coffin and say, 'Well, he looks good doesn't he.'

[izzynut]

Re: Joke of the Day

Ifyou are going to try cross-country skiing, start with a smallcountry.
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Iknow I got a lot of exercise the last few years,......just gettingover the hill.
Weall get heavier as we get older, because there's a lot moreinformation in our heads.That'smy story and I'm sticking to it.
AND
Everytime I start thinking too much about how I look, I just find a pubwith a Happy Hour
and by the time I leave, I look just fine.

[izzynut]

Re: Joke of the Day

SA709By.jpg

[Hansen88]

Re: Joke of the Day

A billionaire, a factory worker and an immigrant are in a room with a thousand cookies on a table. The billionaire takes 999 cookies and whispers in the factory workers ear "look out, that immigrant is trying to take your cookie".

By immigrant do you mean a person who migrated here and became a citizen or do you mean a Illegal Alien?

[skelband]

Re: Joke of the Day

A man goes to the doctor's surgery.
When he is ushered in, he tells the doctor, "Doctor! I have a real problem with gas. I let rip with these enormous farts. They are completely silent and odourless. While I have been sitting here, I have farted three times, and you didn't even know it!"

The doctor considers this for a moment, writes a prescription and he tells him to take these pills for a week and return.

A week later, the man returns and is really angry.

"Doctor! Those pills you prescribed have been useless! The farts are still odourless but now they make a terrible noise!"

The doctor replied, "OK, we have cured your hearing problem. Now let's work on your sense of smell."

[Phil B.]

Re: Joke of the Day

Walking can add minutes to your life.
This enables you at 85 years old to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing home at $4,000 per month.
My grandpa started walking five miles a day when he was 60.
No whe's 97 years old and we have no idea where the hell he is.

was his name Forest... Forest Gump?

[Phil B.]

Re: Joke of the Day

By immigrant do you mean a person who migrated here and became a citizen or do you mean a Illegal Alien?

whoa! you racist - homophobic - Zionist - misogynist - gender entitled oh wait those are the names they call me when I make those statements

those are not I.A's.... they are undocumented future democrat voters... !

[slimslob]

Re: Joke of the Day

[ATTACH=CONFIG]42148[/ATTACH]

It would be nice if the images were large enough and clear enough to be readable.

[slimslob]

Re: Joke of the Day

By immigrant do you mean a person who migrated here and became a citizen or do you mean a Illegal Alien?

whoa! you racist - homophobic - Zionist - misogynist - gender entitled oh wait those are the names they call me when I make those statements

those are not I.A's.... they are undocumented future democrat voters... !

You have to forgive copier addict, he, like salesserviceguy, is Canadian and both are flaming liberals. One thing though, unlike salesserviceguy, his service advice is usually good.

[Phil B.]

Re: Joke of the Day

You have to forgive copier addict, he, like salesserviceguy, is Canadian and both are flaming liberals. One thing though, unlike salesserviceguy, his service advice is usually good.

SSG gives advise? hmmm must have blinked.

and BSM2 is from florida ..frankly I don't think locationlocationlocation has NARY a thing to do with it! maybe it's fluoride in their water?

[slimslob]

Re: Joke of the Day

SSG gives advise? hmmm must have blinked.

and BSM2 is from florida ..frankly I don't think locationlocationlocation has NARY a thing to do with it! maybe it's fluoride in their water?

Don't give fluoride a bad rap. The proper concentration in drinking water will fight tooth decay far better than fluoridated tooth paste.

[skelband]

Re: Joke of the Day

Don't give fluoride a bad rap. The proper concentration in drinking water will fight tooth decay far better than fluoridated tooth paste.

<rant>
God, don't get me started on fluoridated water.
The dumping of industrial effluent into the drinking water under the guise of preventing kid's rotten teeth is one of the biggest disgraces ever perpetrated on the public. There's only one thing that rot's kids teeth and that's sugar and no amount of fluoride in the water is going to make a jot of difference about that.
</rant>
Sorry, slimslob, that's not directed at you. It's just a subject that is a bit close to my heart.