Re: Joke of the Day
Where's my daily dose of Joke of the Day?
Where's my daily dose of Joke of the Day?
-
Aye! Cut the crap -
A tree is known by its fruit, a man by his deeds. A good deed is never lost, he who sows courtesy, reaps friendship, and he who plants kindness gathers love.
Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused.Comment
-
Re: Joke of the Day
Two police officers crash their car into a tree.
After a moment of silence, one of them says, “Wow, that’s got to be the fastest we ever got to the accident site.”
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Police: “Open the door!”
-
Man: “I don’t want any balls!”
-
Police: “What? We don’t have balls!”
-
Man: “I know.”A tree is known by its fruit, a man by his deeds. A good deed is never lost, he who sows courtesy, reaps friendship, and he who plants kindness gathers love.
Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused.Comment
-
Re: Joke of the Day
But, one in seven is Sleepy.
Comment
-
-
Re: Joke of the Day
Sarah was in the fertilized egg business.She had several hundred young pullets and ten roosters to fertilize the eggs.
She kept records and any rooster not performing went into the soup pot and was replaced
This took a lot of time, so she bought some tiny bells and attached them to her roosters. Each bell had a different tone, so she could tell from a distance which rooster was performing. Now, she could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report by just listening to the bells.
Sarah's favourite rooster, old Butch, was a very fine specimen but, this morning she noticed old Butch's bell hadn't rung at all! When she went to investigate, she saw the other roosters were busy chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing, but the pullets hearing the roosters coming, would run for cover.
To Sarah's amazement, old Butch had his bell in his beak, so it couldn't ring.He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job, and walk on to the next one.
Sarah was so proud of old Butch, she entered him in a Show and he became an overnight sensation among the judges.
The result was the judges not only awarded old Butch the "No Bell Peace Prize" they also awarded him the "Pulletsurprise" as well.
Clearly old Butch was a politician in the making. Who else but a politician could figure out how to win two of the most coveted awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the unsuspecting populace and screwing them when they weren't paying attention?
Vote carefully in the next election. You can't always hear the bells.Comment
-
Re: Joke of the Day
Very funny - and I DO get it :-)
However, in Sweden (and here in Denmark) it's lights on 24 hours a day! (EU regs mean other countries here require lights on, on the front of the vehicle, with at least 70% light output compared to regular light.)
Sweden was first, and we copied them soon after (30 years ago!) because the statistics indicate that 10-15% of accidents can be avoided. It's easy to see why: Cars with lights on catch your eye much more readily.Comment
-
Re: Joke of the Day
We still have idiots that drive without headlight during rain..and at night...Something about newer cars keeps the interior light on so you don't realize your outer lights aren't on..And is it just me, or isnt turning your own headlight on-off quickly a well known symbol for "your lights are off dickhead"?Comment
-
Re: Joke of the Day
You know I have also heard this..I always considered it an urban myth though...EComment
-
Re: Joke of the Day
I've been pulled over before for Flashing my lights at a Police Officer who didn't have his lights on at night. Told me it's "illegal to do that, you could have caused an accident." and "it's illegal to do that because officers know it's the universal sign to warn other drivers there's a cop up the road."
I was in disbelief!! "Excuse me officer, but YOU. HAD. YOUR. HEADLIGHTS. OFF. IN. THE. DARK!! YOU could have caused an accident."
Never gave him my license or anything, and after my statement, he told me to have a good night. HAHA!
Called HIM in, but don't know if they ever really "did anything about it".OmertàComment
-
Re: Joke of the Day
An early Australian settler was trekking through the outback, all on his lonesome, with his herd of sheep. From a distance, two indigenous Aborigines were watching him and his sheep, (curious). After a few days, on a romantically moonlit night, the sheep herder was starting to feel lonely, and started to get a bit "personal" with one of his sheep.
Still watching from a safe distance, one of the Aborigines turned to the other and said:
"I wonder what their kids look like?".Comment
-
Re: Joke of the Day
I asked what LGBTQ meant, but I couldn't get a straight answer.OmertàComment
-
Re: Joke of the Day
A cowboy named Bud was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture in Montana whensuddenly a brand-new 2019 AUDI advanced
Bud looks at the man, who obviously knows more than the cowboy, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, "Sure, why not?"
"That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves," says Bud. He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on with amusement as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car. Then Bud says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?"
The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why not?"
"You're a Congressman for the U.S.Government," says Bud.
"Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie, “but how did you guess that?"
"No guessing required." answered the cowboy. "You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You used millions of dollars worth of equipment trying to show me how much smarter than me you are; and you don't know how working people make a living –you know nothing about cows, for that matter. This is a herd of sheep.”
“Now give me back my dog.”
AND THAT, FOLKS, IS THE PROBLEM WITH THE U.S. CONGRESS
Comment
Comment