Joke of the Day

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Re: Joke of the Day

A parvenu says to an architect:
- "I want you to build three swimming pools: one with cold water, one with warm water, and one without any water."
- "Why would the third one not have any water?"
- "Cuz some of my friends can't swim."

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Re: Joke of the Day

Three men, a physicist, a engineer and a computer scientist, are
travelling in a car. Suddenly, the car starts to smoke and stops.
The three atonished men try to solve the problem:

- Physicist says: This is obviously a classic problem of torque.

It has been overloaded the elasticity limit of
the main axis.

- Engineer says : Let's be serious! The matter is that it has been
burned the spark of the connecting rod to the dynamo
of the radiator. I can easily repair it by hammering.

- Computer scientist says : What if we get off the car, wait a minute,
and then get in and try again?

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Re: Joke of the Day

A Mathematician, a Biologist and a Physicist are sitting in a street cafe
watching people going in and coming out of the house on the other side
of the street.

First they see two people going into the house. Time passes.
After a while they notice three persons coming out of the house.

The Physicist: "The measurement wasn't accurate.".
The Biologists conclusion: "They have reproduced".
The Mathematician: "If now exactly 1 person enters the house then it will be
empty again."

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Re: Joke of the Day

Four men were sitting one day discussing how smart their dog's were.
The first man was an Engineer, who said his dog could do math. His dog
was named T-Square, and he told him to get some paper and draw a square,
a circle, and a triangle, which the dog did with no sweat.

The Accountant said that his dog was better. His dog, Slide Rule, was
told to fetch a dozen cookies, bring them back, and divide them into
piles of 3, which Slide Rule did with no problem.

The Chemist said his dog was smarter, his dog named Measure, was told to
get a quart of milk, and pour 7 ounces into a 10 ounce glass. The dog
did this with no trouble at all, and all three men agreed that their
dog's were equally smart.

Then they turned to the Union Member and asked, what can your dog do?
The Union Member called his dog, who was named Coffee Break, and said,
"Show the fellows what you can do".

Coffee Break went over and ate the cookies, drank the milk, shit on the
paper, fucked the other dogs, and claimed he injured his back while
doing so, filed a grievence report for unsafe working conditions, put in
for Workmens Compensation, and left for home on sick leave.

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Re: Joke of the Day

The USDA once wanted to make cows produce milk faster, to improve the
dairy industry.

So, they decided to consult the foremost biologists and recombinant
DNA technicians to build them a better cow. They assembled this team
of great scientists, and gave them unlimited funding. They requested
rare chemicals, weird bacteria, tons of quarantine equipment, there
was a horrible typhus epidemic they started by accident, and, 2 years
later, they came back with the "new, improved cow." It had a milk
production improvement of 2% over the original.

They then tried with the greatest Nobel Prize winning chemists around.
They worked for six months, and, after requisitioning tons of chemical
equipment, and poisoning half the small town in Colorado where they
were working with a toxic cloud from one of their experiments, they
got a 5% improvement in milk output.

The physicists tried for a year, and, after ten thousand cows were
subjected to radiation therapy, they got a 1% improvement in output.

Finally, in desperation, they turned to the mathematicians. The
foremost mathematician of his time offered to help them with the
problem. Upon hearing the problem, he told the delegation that they
could come back in the morning and he would have solved the problem.
In the morning, they came back, and he handed them a piece of paper
with the computations for the new, 300% improved milk cow.

The plans began:

"A Proof of the Attainability of Increased Milk Output from Bovines:

Consider a spherical cow......"

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Re: Joke of the Day

In some foreign country a priest, a lawyer and an engineer are about to be guillotined.
The priest puts his head on the block, they pull the rope and nothing happens -- he declares that he's
been saved by divine intervention -- so he's let go.
The lawyer is put on the block, and again the rope doesn't release the blade, he claims he can't be executed twice for the same crime and he is set free too.
They grab the engineer and shove his head into the guillotine, he looks up at the release mechanism and says,
"Wait a minute, I see your problem......"

[Firthy]

Re: Joke of the Day

Best joke I have heard in a while.

American Politics!

[FrohnB]

Re: Joke of the Day

Youngest Son: Dad, what's the difference between 'hypothetically' and 'reality'?

Dad turns to wife: Would you sleep with Tom Cruise for $1 million?

Wife: Of course! I would never waste such an opportunity.

Dad then asks the daughter: Would you sleep with Tom Cruise for $1 million?

Daughter: Oh my god, Yes! He's my fantasy.

Dad then asks the elder son: Would you sleep with Tom Cruise for $1 million?

Elder son: Why not? Imagine what I could do with that money!

Father turns back to youngest son: You see son, 'Hypothetically' we're sitting with 3 Millionaires, but in 'reality' we are living with 2 Prostitutes and 1 gay bastard!

[tsbservice]

Re: Joke of the Day

Heaven v. Hell



Heaven:

• The police are British
• The cooks are French
• The engineers are German
• The administrators are Swiss
• The lovers are Italian

Hell:

• The police are German
• The cooks are British
• The engineers are Italian
• The administrators are French
• The lovers are Swiss

[izzynut]

Re: Joke of the Day

Water.jpg

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Re: Joke of the Day

[ATTACH=CONFIG]44245[/ATTACH]

Good one but I preffer this one

Red Bernard.jpg

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