Joke of the Day

[tsbservice]

Re: Joke of the Day

One day, early in the history of the Earth, God decides he wants Adam and Eve to populate the Earth. To get them warming up he tells Adam to kiss Eve. Adam asks "What is a kiss?", which God then explains. Adam leads Eve behind a bush, and after a few minutes Adam reappears and says "Thank you Lord, that was most enjoyable".

Then God tells Adam to caress Eve. Adam asks "What is a caress?", which God also explains. They go behind the bush again, and after ten minutes or so Adam comes back out, saying "Thank you Lord, that was even more enjoyable".

Finally God tells Adam to make love to Eve. Adam asks the inevitable question, and God explains. Adam goes behind the bush, but re-appears after a few seconds, asking "Lord, what is a headache?".

[tsbservice]

Re: Joke of the Day

Jesus and Satan have a discussion as to who is the better programmer. This goes on for a few hours until they come to an agreement to hold a contest, with God as the judge.

They sit themselves at their computers and begin. They type furiously, lines of code streaming up the screen, for several hours straight. Seconds before the end of the competition, a bolt of lightning strikes, taking out the electricity. Moments later, the power is restored, and God announces that the contest is over.

He asks Satan to show what he has come up with. Satan is visibly upset, and cries, "I have nothing. I lost it all when the power went out."

"Very well, then," says God, "let us see if Jesus fared any better."

Jesus enters a command, and the screen comes to life in vivid display, the voices of an angelic choir pour forth from the speakers. Satan is astonished.

He stutters, "B-b-but how? I lost everything, yet Jesus' program is intact. How did he do it?"

God smiled all-knowingly, "Jesus saves."

[tsbservice]

[tsbservice]

[tsbservice]

Re: Joke of the Day

-4degC.JPG

[tsbservice]

Re: Joke of the Day

The bicycle is the slow death of the planet.

General Director of Euro Exim Bank Ltd. got economists thinking when he said:
"A cyclist is a disaster for the country's economy: he does not buy cars and does not borrow money to buy. He does not pay for insurance policies. He does not buy fuel, does not pay for the necessary maintenance and repairs. He does not use paid parking. He does not cause serious accidents. He does not require multi-lane highways. He does not get fat.

Healthy people are neither needed nor useful for the economy. They don't buy medicine. They do not go to hospitals or doctors. Nothing is added to the country's GDP (gross domestic product).

On the contrary, every new McDonald's restaurant creates at least 30 jobs: 10 cardiologists, 10 dentists, 10 dietary experts and nutritionists, and obviously, people who work at the restaurant itself."
Choose carefully: cyclist or McDonald's? It is worth considering.

P.S. Walking is even worse. Pedestrians don't even buy bicycles.

[slimslob]

Re: Joke of the Day

The bicycle is the slow death of the planet.

General Director of Euro Exim Bank Ltd. got economists thinking when he said:
"A cyclist is a disaster for the country's economy: he does not buy cars and does not borrow money to buy. He does not pay for insurance policies. He does not buy fuel, does not pay for the necessary maintenance and repairs. He does not use paid parking. He does not cause serious accidents. He does not require multi-lane highways. He does not get fat.

Healthy people are neither needed nor useful for the economy. They don't buy medicine. They do not go to hospitals or doctors. Nothing is added to the country's GDP (gross domestic product).

On the contrary, every new McDonald's restaurant creates at least 30 jobs: 10 cardiologists, 10 dentists, 10 dietary experts and nutritionists, and obviously, people who work at the restaurant itself."
Choose carefully: cyclist or McDonald's? It is worth considering.

P.S. Walking is even worse. Pedestrians don't even buy bicycles.

I don't know about where you live but here in Bakersfield both bicycle riders and pedestrians tend to lose when they interact with a moving vehicle. And by lose I mean their life.

[tsbservice]

Re: Joke of the Day

I don't know about where you live but here in Bakersfield both bicycle riders and pedestrians tend to lose when they interact with a moving vehicle. And by lose I mean their life.

Offtopic:
That's sad. I pay lot of attention when drive and even more when walking. Idiots are everywhere!

[tsbservice]

[slimslob]

Re: Joke of the Day

Well shit.. I think my license might be in jeopardy..
and all just because of a stupid state trooper...

The conversation went like this, when I got pulled over on my bike:

Trooper: "License and registration, please, I think you are drunk!"

Me: "I assure you, I did not drink anything."

Trooper: "Ok, let's do a little test! Imagine driving in the dark on a highway at night, when you see two lights in the distance. What is this?"

Me: "A car."

Trooper:"Of course! But which one? A Mercedes, an Audi or a Ford?"

Me:"I have no idea!"

Trooper:"So, you're drunk."

Me:"But I didn't drink anything."

Trooper:"Okay, one more test -- Imagine, you drive in the dark on a highway at night, and there is one light coming at you.What is it?

Me:"A motorcycle."

Trooper:"Of course! But which one? A Honda, a Kawasaki or a Harley?"

Me:"I have no idea!"

Trooper:"As I suspected, you're drunk!"

Then I started to get annoyed and asked a counter question.

Me: "So... counter question -- You're driving in the dark on a highway at night and see a woman on the roadside. She wears a mini skirt, fishnet stockings, high heeled shoes and only a bra as a top. What is this?"

Trooper:"A prostitute of course."

Me:"Yes, but which one? Your daughter, your wife or your mother?"

Things went downhill from there and now I have a court date to attend...

[izzynut]

Re: Joke of the Day

[slimslob]

Re: Joke of the Day

[slimslob]

Re: Joke of the Day

[slimslob]

Re: Joke of the Day

[Phil B.]

Re: Joke of the Day

So she has two roles in the admin..who the fuck cares? She isn't handling the border crisis.

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