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Re: Joke of the Day
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Re: Joke of the Day
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Re: Joke of the Day
A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform
the other If there is sex after death.
Their biggest fear was that there was no after-life at all.
After a long life together, the husband was the first to die.
True to his word, he made the first contact: "Marion ..Marion ..."
"Is that you, Tom?"
"Yes, I've come back like we agreed."
"That's wonderful!....What's it like?"
"Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex.
I have breakfast and then it's off to the golf course.
I have sex again, bathe in the warm sun and then
have sex a couple of more times...
Then I have lunch...you'd be proud....lots of greens”.
Another romp around the golf course, then pretty much
have sex the rest of the afternoon.
After supper, it's back to the golf course again.
Then it's more sex until late at night.
I catch some much needed sleep and then the next day it starts all over again".
"Oh, Tom! Are you in Heaven?"
"No....I'm a rabbit somewhere near Omaha.”Comment
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Re: Joke of the Day
A toothpaste factory had a problem. They sometimes shipped empty boxes without the tube inside. This challenged their perceived quality with the buyers and distributors. Understanding how important the relationship with them was, the CEO of the company assembled his top people.
They decided to hire an external engineering company to solve their empty boxes problem. The project followed the usual process: budget and project sponsor allocated, RFP, and third-parties selected. Six months (and $8 million) later they had a fantastic solution - on time, on budget, and high quality.
Everyone in the project was pleased.
They solved the problem by using a high-tech precision scale that would sound a bell and flash lights whenever a toothpaste box weighed less than it should. The line would stop, someone would walk over, remove the defective box, and then press another button to re-start the line. As a result of the
new package monitoring process, no empty boxes were being shipped out of the factory.
With no more customer complaints, the CEO felt the $8 million was well spent. He then reviewed the line statistics report and discovered the number of empty boxes picked up by the scale in the first week was consistent with projections, however, the next three weeks were zero!
The estimated rate should have been at least a dozen boxes a day.
He had the engineers check the equipment, and they verified the report as accurate.
Puzzled, the CEO traveled down to the factory, viewed the part of the line where the precision scale was installed, and observed just ahead of the new $8 million dollar solution sat a $20 desk fan blowing the empty boxes off the belt and into a bin. He asked the line supervisor what that was about.
"Oh, that," the supervisor replied, "Bert, the guy from maintenance,
put it there because he was tired of walking over every time the bell rang."Comment
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Re: Joke of the Day
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Re: Joke of the Day
While in China, an American man is sexually promiscuous and does not use a condom the entire time he is there. A week after arriving back home in the States, he wakes one morning to find his penis covered with bright green and purple spots. Horrified, he immediately goes to see a doctor.
The doctor, never having seen anything like this before, orders some tests and tells the man to return in two days for the results.
The man returns a couple of days later and the doctor says, “I’ve got bad news for you, you’ve contracted Mongolian VD. It’s very rare and almost unheard of here in the US , we know very little about it.”
The man looks a little perplexed and says, "Well, give me a shot or something and fix me up, Doc.”
The doctor answers, "I’m sorry, there's no known cure. We’re going to have to amputate your penis.
The man screams in horror, "Absolutely not! I want a second opinion!!!
The doctor replies, "Well, it’s your choice. Go ahead, if you want, but surgery is your only option.”
The next day, the man seeks out a Chinese doctor, figuring that he’ll know more about the disease.
The Chinese doctor examines his penis and proclaims, "Ah, yes, Mongolian VD. Vewy ware disease.
The guy says to the doctor, "Yeah, yeah, I already know that, but what can we do? My American doctor wants to cut off my penis!”
The Chinese doctor shakes his head and laughs. "Stupid American docttah, always want opawate. Make more money dat way. No need amputate!"
"Oh, thank God!” the man exclaims.
"Yes,” says the Chinese doctor. "Wait two week. Fall off by itself!”Comment
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