Joke of the Day

[Debs1964]

Re: Joke of the Day

Cletus is passing by Billy Bob's hay barn one day when, through a gap in the door, he sees Billy Bob doing a slow and sensual striptease in front of an old John Deere tractor.
He performs a slow pirouette, and gently slides off first the right strap of his overalls, followed by the left. He then hunches his shoulders forward and in a classic striptease move, lets his overalls fall down to his hips, revealing a torn and frayed plaid shirt.
Then, grabbing both sides of his shirt, he rips it apart to reveal his stained T-shirt underneath. With a final flourish, he tears the T-shirt from his body, and hurls his baseball cap onto a pile of hay. Having seen enough, Cletus rushes in and says, "What the world're ya doing, Billy Bob?"
"Good grief, Cletus, ya scared the bejeebers out of me," says an obviously embarrassed Billy Bob. "But me 'n the wife been havin' trouble lately in the bedroom d'partment, and the therapist suggested I do something sexy to a tractor."

Major groan moment

[Lagonda]

Re: Joke of the Day

Why is the camel called the ship of the desert?

Because it's full of Arab semen.

The sexual urge of the camel is greater then anyone thinks
And during the mating season it even fancies the Sphinx
Now the Sphinx's posterior passage is blocked by the sands of the Nile
Which accounts for the hump on the camel and the Sphinx's inscrutable smile!

[NeoMatrix]

Re: Joke of the Day

An old man is eating dinner at a truck stop when 3 Hells Angel bikers walk in. The first biker walks up to the old man and pushes his cigarette into the old mans pie.
The second walks up to the old man and spits into his drink.
The third biker turns his plate full of food upside down, then walks over and sits down at the counter. Without a word of protest the old man gets up and quitely leaves the diner.
The biker leans over to the waitress and say" huh!,not much of a man was he darlin? "
The waitress looks up an say's" not much of a truck driver either, he just backed his rig over three motorbikes."

[NeoMatrix]

Re: Joke of the Day

Two imagrants arrive in the USA by boat, one says to the other "I've heard that the occupants of this country
actually eat dogs." Thats odd the other one replies, but if we are to live in America we better do as the Americians do.

Nodding emphatically, the first imagrant points to a hot-dog stand vendor as the walk towards it.
"Two dogs please"' said one of the imagrants. The vendor hands over two hot-dogs wrapped in foil.
In their exitement the two imagrants head over to a park bench an sit down.
One imagrant unwraps this dog and stares at it with a long pause, he leans over to the other imagrant
and cautiously whispers "What part did you get?"

[fixthecopier]

Re: Joke of the Day

Three dogs are at the vet. The first, a Jack Russell Terrier, says, "I kept humping everything in sight. The neighbor's cat, my master's leg, the couch, you name it. Plus, I peed in the corners and chewed the mail every time it got delivered. So they're going to neuter me to see if it will calm me down."

The second, a mutt, says, "That's kind of why I'm here, too. Six litters of puppies up and down the street that all look like me. My owners are tired of the angry calls. So my junk gets snipped too."
The third dog is a Great Dane. "My master is a pretty young thing. Yesterday after her shower, she bent over to dry her legs and I just couldn't help myself. Mounted up that fine ass and went to town."
The other two stare at him in disbelief. "They're going to cut off your balls for that?"
"What? No, I'm here to get my nails trimmed."

[Iowatech]

Re: Joke of the Day

Two imagrants arrive in the USA by boat, one says to the other "I've heard that the occupants of this country
actually eat dogs." Thats odd the other one replies, but if we are to live in America we better do as the Americians do.

Nodding emphatically, the first imagrant points to a hot-dog stand vendor as the walk towards it.
"Two dogs please"' said one of the imagrants. The vendor hands over two hot-dogs wrapped in foil.
In their exitement the two imagrants head over to a park bench an sit down.
One imagrant unwraps this dog and stares at it with a long pause, he leans over to the other imagrant
and cautiously whispers "What part did you get?"

Kind of reminds me of a very old question -
What part of the chicken does the nugget come from?
Sorry.

[Iowatech]

Re: Joke of the Day

The future is not going to be like Star Trek
Scott Adams, the person responsible for the syndicated cartoon "Dilbert", came up with this.

[NeoMatrix]

Re: Joke of the Day

Kind of reminds me of a very old question -
What part of the chicken does the nugget come from?
Sorry.

In Oz slang a Nugget can be a testicle or a lump of turd...
I guess it would depend if it was KFC (Kentucky Fried Chicken)
or KFR (Kentucky Fried Rabbit). You don't usually hear
the term Rabbit Nugget...

[fixthecopier]

Re: Joke of the Day

Kind of reminds me of a very old question -
What part of the chicken does the nugget come from?
Sorry.

The parts they sweep up off the floor.

[fixthecopier]

Re: Joke of the Day

A boy is in a CVS with his dad. While in line at the pharmacy, the boy notices something in a box that resembles balloons. Curious, the boy asks his dad about these balloons in the box. "Well, those are condoms, son," the boy's dad replies. "What are condoms used for, dad?" replied the little boy. "They are used so men can practice safe sex," said the father. The boy asks his dad who would use the box of three. The boy's dad replies, "Those are for high school kids. One for Friday, one for Saturday, and one for Sunday." The boy then spots a box of six and asks his dad about those. "Those are for college kids son. They use two on Friday, two on Saturday and two on Sunday." The boy then asks, "Well what about the box of twelve?" To which the boy's dad replied, "Those are for married men like myself, son. One for January, one for February, one for March....."

[fixthecopier]

Re: Joke of the Day

Two boys were walking home from church after a strong preaching about the devil...
One said to the other, "What do you think about all this Satan stuff?" The other boy replied, "Well, you know how Santa Claus turned out. It's probably just your dad"

[Akitu]

[slimslob]

Re: Joke of the Day

Kind of reminds me of a very old question -
What part of the chicken does the nugget come from?
Sorry.

The parts they sweep up off the floor.

In Oz slang a Nugget can be a testicle or a lump of turd...
I guess it would depend if it was KFC (Kentucky Fried Chicken)
or KFR (Kentucky Fried Rabbit). You don't usually hear
the term Rabbit Nugget...

I think this came from a competitor of McDonald's about McDonald's chicken nuggets. They were touting their "Chicken Breast Tenders" if I remember correctly. Not sure which competitor. KFC has strips and popcorn chicken.

[MrB]

Re: Joke of the Day

Not really a joke, but the honest truth that happened to me today..
But I think this customer was a Joke...

Me: hello customer, I've come to fix your machine
Them: thanks but can't let you in
Me: okay, ermmm why
Them: due to a security risk
Me: okay no problem, I can't fix your machine then
Them : why not

Don't Ya love thick customers

[Akitu]

Re: Joke of the Day

I think this came from a competitor of McDonald's about McDonald's chicken nuggets. They were touting their "Chicken Breast Tenders" if I remember correctly. Not sure which competitor. KFC has strips and popcorn chicken.

I would have to assume that would be Burger King, or Hungry Jack's for the Aussies.