Joke of the Day

[DWise]

Re: Joke of the Day

An old man, Mr. Wallace, was living in a nursing home.

One day he appeared to be very sad and depressed.

Nurse Tracy asked him if there was anything wrong. 'Yes, Nurse Tracy,' said Mr. Wallace. 'My Private Part died today, and I am very sad.'

Knowing her patients were a little forgetful and sometimes a little crazy, she replied, 'Oh, I'm so sorry, Mr. Wallace. Please accept my condolences.'

The following day, Mr. Wallace was walking down the hall with his Private Part hanging out of his pajamas.

He met Nurse Tracy. 'Mr. Wallace,' she said, 'You shouldn't be walking down the hall like that. Please put your Private Part back inside your pajamas.'

'But, Nurse Tracy I can't,' replied Mr. Wallace. 'I told you yesterday that my Private Part died.'

'Yes,' said Nurse Tracy, 'you did tell me that, but why is it hanging out of your pajamas?'

'Well,' he replied, 'Today is the viewing.'

[ZOOTECH]

Re: Joke of the Day

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of wine, they laid down for the night, and went to sleep.
Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend. "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."
Watson replied, "I see millions and millions of stars." "What does that tell you?" Watson pondered for a minute.
"Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies, and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo.
Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant.
Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.
What does it tell you?" Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke.
"It tells me that someone has stolen our tent."

[Akitu]

Re: Joke of the Day

True story: I was at the store with my son and my wife. I have a habit of flipping my wedding ring in the air like a coin and catching it. My son saw me do it and tried to grab it in mid air, causing it to fall to the ground. He scrambled to get it and I said, "Son, hand me that! It's expensive!"
My son asked me, "how much did it cost, dad?"
I replied, "my life."

[Debs1964]

Re: Joke of the Day

True story: I was at the store with my son and my wife. I have a habit of flipping my wedding ring in the air like a coin and catching it. My son saw me do it and tried to grab it in mid air, causing it to fall to the ground. He scrambled to get it and I said, "Son, hand me that! It's expensive!"
My son asked me, "how much did it cost, dad?"
I replied, "my life."

You can get out early for good behaviour...I should know lol

[emujo]

Re: Joke of the Day

I think it's bad behavior that get you out..Emujo

[Akitu]

Re: Joke of the Day

I think it's bad behavior that get you out..Emujo

Unless you're really good at making it look like an accident...

[Debs1964]

Re: Joke of the Day

I think it's bad behavior that get you out..Emujo

I'm good girl and I got out 3 times

[slimslob]

Re: Joke of the Day

You can get out early for good behaviour...I should know lol

Yours or his?

[Debs1964]

Re: Joke of the Day

Yours or his?

I can assure you, with number 3, his behaviour was anything but good. Although, maybe that's just my interpretation, after all, Santa Claus gave him a brand new girlfriend on Christmas Day lol

[Akitu]

Re: Joke of the Day

I can assure you, with number 3, his behaviour was anything but good. Although, maybe that's just my interpretation, after all, Santa Claus gave him a brand new girlfriend on Christmas Day lol

I didn't know Santa started re-gifting? Cheap bastard...

[DWise]

Re: Joke of the Day

I was packing for my business trip and my three-year-old daughter was having a wonderful time playing on the bed. At one point she said, 'Daddy, look at this’, and stuck out two of her fingers.

Trying to keep her entertained, I reached out and stuck her tiny fingers in my mouth and said, 'Daddy's gonna eat your fingers,’ pretending to eat them.

I went back to packing, looked up again and my daughter was standing on the bed staring at her fingers with a devastated look on her face.

I said, 'What's wrong, honey?'

She replied, ‘What happened to my booger?'

[slimslob]

Re: Joke of the Day

I can assure you, with number 3, his behaviour was anything but good. Although, maybe that's just my interpretation, after all, Santa Claus gave him a brand new girlfriend on Christmas Day lol

So you threw the rat out for bad behavior.

[Copier Addict]

Re: Joke of the Day

I can assure you, with number 3, his behaviour was anything but good. Although, maybe that's just my interpretation, after all, Santa Claus gave him a brand new girlfriend on Christmas Day lol

I need to get on better terms with Santa Claus apparently.

[Ctl-Alt-Del]

Re: Joke of the Day

Catholic Confessions...

'Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl.' The priest asks, 'Is that you, little Joey Pagano?' 'Yes, Father, it is.' 'And who was the girl you were with?' 'I can't tell you, Father, I don't want to ruin her reputation.' "Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?" 'I cannot say.' 'Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?' 'I'll never tell.' 'Was it Nina Capelli?' 'I'm sorry, but I cannot name her.' 'Was it Cathy Piriano?' 'My lips are sealed Father.' 'Well then, was it Rosa DiAngelo?' 'Please, Father, I cannot tell you.'

The priest sighs in frustration. 'You're very tight lipped, and I admire that. But you've sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself.' Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and whispers, 'What'd you get?' 'Four month's vacation and five excellent Leads.'

[NeoMatrix]

Re: Joke of the Day

Hahahaah... That was priceless.... haha... don't you wish you could catch that on tape....?