Joke of the Day

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  • NeoMatrix
    Senior Tech.

    2,500+ Posts
    • Nov 2010
    • 3513

    #2176
    Re: Joke of the Day

    Originally posted by Debs1964
    I can assure you, with number 3, his behaviour was anything but good. Although, maybe that's just my interpretation, after all, Santa Claus gave him a brand new girlfriend on Christmas Day lol
    It might pay to dress up as Mrs Claus this christmas Debs' and see what Santa has to offer...
    Inauguration to the "AI cancel-culture" fraternity 1997...
    •••••• •••[§]• |N | € | o | M | Δ | t | π | ¡ | x | •[§]••• ••••••

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    • Debs1964
      Service Manager

      1,000+ Posts
      • Oct 2010
      • 1690

      #2177
      Re: Joke of the Day

      Originally posted by slimslob
      So you threw the rat out for bad behavior.
      Unfortunately not, he walked out first thing Christmas morning and went straight to his other woman, but he still claimed he never cheated on me right up to the divorce lol
      There are 10 types of people in this world, those who understand binary maths and those who don't

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      • ZOOTECH
        Senior member of CRS

        Site Contributor
        2,500+ Posts
        • Jul 2007
        • 3375

        #2178
        Re: Joke of the Day

        Originally posted by Debs1964
        Unfortunately not, he walked out first thing Christmas morning and went straight to his other woman, but he still claimed he never cheated on me right up to the divorce lol
        WOW, what an A-hole - I say you're better off without him!
        Debs, you will find your match when you least expect it.
        "You can't trust your eyes, if your mind is out of focus" --

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        • Akitu
          Legendary Frost Spec Tech

          Site Contributor
          2,500+ Posts
          • Oct 2010
          • 2595

          #2179
          Re: Joke of the Day

          He was in ecstasy, with a huge smile on his face, as his wife moved forward, then backwards, forward, then backwards again, back and forth, back and forth...in and out...in and out.
          It was going on 20 minutes at this point...
          Her heart was pounding...her face was flushed...then she moaned, softly at first, then began to groan louder. Finally, totally exhausted, she let out an almighty scream and shouted:
          "OK, OK! I can't park the damn car! You do it, you smug bastard!"
          Cthulhu for president! Why settle for the lesser evil?

          Comment

          • Debs1964
            Service Manager

            1,000+ Posts
            • Oct 2010
            • 1690

            #2180
            Re: Joke of the Day

            Originally posted by Akitu
            He was in ecstasy, with a huge smile on his face, as his wife moved forward, then backwards, forward, then backwards again, back and forth, back and forth...in and out...in and out.
            It was going on 20 minutes at this point...
            Her heart was pounding...her face was flushed...then she moaned, softly at first, then began to groan louder. Finally, totally exhausted, she let out an almighty scream and shouted:
            "OK, OK! I can't park the damn car! You do it, you smug bastard!"
            This almost made me choke, so funny, but totally wrong, i can park a car far better than most men...or women lol
            There are 10 types of people in this world, those who understand binary maths and those who don't

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            • DWise
              Senior Tech

              500+ Posts
              • Apr 2010
              • 895

              #2181
              Re: Joke of the Day

              Each Friday night after work, Bubba would fire up his outdoor grill and cook a venison steak. But, all of Bubba's neighbors were Catholic. And since it was Lent, they were forbidden from eating meat on Friday. The delicious aroma from the grilled venison steaks was causing such a problem for the Catholic faithful that they finally talked to their priest.

              The Priest came to visit Bubba, and suggested that he become a Catholic. After several classes and much study, Bubba attended Mass and as the priest sprinkled holy water over him, he said, 'You were born a Baptist, and raised a Baptist, but now you are a Catholic.'

              Bubba's neighbors were greatly relieved, until Friday night arrived, and the wonderful aroma of grilled venison filled the neighborhood. The Priest was called immediately by the neighbors, and, as he rushed into Bubba's yard, clutching a rosary and prepared to scold him, he stopped and watched in amazement. There stood Bubba, clutching a small bottle of holy water which he carefully sprinkled over the grilling meat and chanted 'You wuz born a deer, you wuz raised a deer, but now you is a catfish.'
              Do for one what you wished you could do for everyone. - Andy Stanley

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              • Akitu
                Legendary Frost Spec Tech

                Site Contributor
                2,500+ Posts
                • Oct 2010
                • 2595

                #2182
                Re: Joke of the Day

                Originally posted by Debs1964
                This almost made me choke, so funny, but totally wrong, i can park a car far better than most men...or women lol
                In typical fashion Debs, you're the exception to the rule.
                Cthulhu for president! Why settle for the lesser evil?

                Comment

                • slimslob
                  Retired

                  Site Contributor
                  25,000+ Posts
                  • May 2013
                  • 37407

                  #2183
                  Re: Joke of the Day

                  Originally posted by Debs1964
                  This almost made me choke, so funny, but totally wrong, i can park a car far better than most men...or women lol
                  Through my life, I have noticed that those women who are bad drivers and cannot parallel park a car were taught how to drive by their husband. Those who took a driver training either through their high school or a commercial driving school are very good drivers. Most insurance companies charge a higher for male drivers under the age of 25 but not for female drivers. Male drivers under 25 tend to be reckless and try to show off.

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                  • HenryT2
                    Senior Tech

                    500+ Posts
                    • Apr 2010
                    • 962

                    #2184
                    Re: Joke of the Day

                    Constipation.jpg
                    "The Serenity Prayer" . . .
                    God grant me the serenity to accept stupid people , the courage to not waste my time and energy on them , and the wisdom to know that I cannot fix STUPID .

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                    • Debs1964
                      Service Manager

                      1,000+ Posts
                      • Oct 2010
                      • 1690

                      #2185
                      Re: Joke of the Day

                      Originally posted by slimslob
                      Through my life, I have noticed that those women who are bad drivers and cannot parallel park a car were taught how to drive by their husband. Those who took a driver training either through their high school or a commercial driving school are very good drivers. Most insurance companies charge a higher for male drivers under the age of 25 but not for female drivers. Male drivers under 25 tend to be reckless and try to show off.
                      I learnt to drive using a driving school, but back in those days parallel parking wasn't taught, I was hopeless at it, probably worse than hopeless. It was hubby #1 who taught me to park; one of my proudest moments was when a neighbour knocked to tell me that someone had blocked my car in...I had parked in that space
                      There are 10 types of people in this world, those who understand binary maths and those who don't

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                      • Tonerbomb
                        AutoMajical Resolutionist

                        Site Contributor
                        2,500+ Posts
                        • Feb 2005
                        • 2589

                        #2186
                        Re: Joke of the Day

                        Originally posted by Debs1964
                        I learnt to drive using a driving school, but back in those days parallel parking wasn't taught, I was hopeless at it, probably worse than hopeless. It was hubby #1 who taught me to park; one of my proudest moments was when a neighbour knocked to tell me that someone had blocked my car in...I had parked in that space
                        Here in Bugaha the city has thrown a new curve to parking. Now we have diagonal parking that requires you to "back in" or get a ticket........ very challenging for some of both sexes......................
                        Mystic Crystal Revelations

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                        • slimslob
                          Retired

                          Site Contributor
                          25,000+ Posts
                          • May 2013
                          • 37407

                          #2187
                          Re: Joke of the Day

                          Originally posted by Tonerbomb
                          Here in Bugaha the city has thrown a new curve to parking. Now we have diagonal parking that requires you to "back in" or get a ticket........ very challenging for some of both sexes......................
                          I can understand the reason, fewer accidents occur while backing into parking spaces than backing out. The only problem I can see is implementing. To implement such a law here where we have a number two way streets with angle parking. To implement such a law they would have to repaint all the divider lines between parking spaces. For one way streets, the direction of traffic flow could be reversed, but that could cause some confusion.

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                          • NeoMatrix
                            Senior Tech.

                            2,500+ Posts
                            • Nov 2010
                            • 3513

                            #2188
                            Re: Joke of the Day

                            Originally posted by Tonerbomb
                            Here in Bugaha the city has thrown a new curve to parking. Now we have diagonal parking that requires you to "back in" or get a ticket........ very challenging for some of both sexes......................
                            Seriously (surprise!!)
                            Reverse angle parking is quite common in a lot of Aussie cities...
                            Bit of worldly trivia....
                            Inauguration to the "AI cancel-culture" fraternity 1997...
                            •••••• •••[§]• |N | € | o | M | Δ | t | π | ¡ | x | •[§]••• ••••••

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                            • Akitu
                              Legendary Frost Spec Tech

                              Site Contributor
                              2,500+ Posts
                              • Oct 2010
                              • 2595

                              #2189
                              Re: Joke of the Day

                              Mother & daughter are on a plane. Daughter asks mother, "Mommy, if big dogs have baby dogs & big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?"
                              The mother stumbled and didn't have an answer for that one so she desperately looks around and replies, "I don't know sweetie, why don't you go ask that nice flight attendant, I'm sure she'll have an answer."
                              So the little girl goes up the the flight attendant and asks, "If big dogs have baby dogs & big cats have baby cats, then why don't big planes have baby planes?"
                              Immediately the flight attendant is suspicious, "Did your mother tell you to come over here and ask me that?"... "Yep", answers the little girl.
                              So the flight attendant thinks on it for a few seconds then kneels down to the daughters level.
                              "You go over there and you tell your mother it's because Southwest Airlines always pulls out on time."
                              Cthulhu for president! Why settle for the lesser evil?

                              Comment

                              • Debs1964
                                Service Manager

                                1,000+ Posts
                                • Oct 2010
                                • 1690

                                #2190
                                Re: Joke of the Day

                                My life would have been so much simpler if only I was a praying mantis

                                praying mantis.jpg
                                There are 10 types of people in this world, those who understand binary maths and those who don't

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