Joke of the Day

[Akitu]

Re: Joke of the Day

My life would have been so much simpler if only I was a praying mantis

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Interestingly enough, when scientists first studied the mantis, they created the scenario that enabled the female to kill the male. Mantii actually mate with stealth; given enough foliage on the ground the male can actually sneak up on the female, do the deed and retreat before she can react. Are you still sure about that?

[Debs1964]

Re: Joke of the Day

Interestingly enough, when scientists first studied the mantis, they created the scenario that enabled the female to kill the male. Mantii actually mate with stealth; given enough foliage on the ground the male can actually sneak up on the female, do the deed and retreat before she can react. Are you still sure about that?

If it means he doesn't hang around and bugger up the rest of my life, then yes

[ptrflrs]

I got in touch with my inner self this morning...
That's the last time I buy that cheap 1 ply toilet paper*

[Brian8506]

Re: Joke of the Day

[Akitu]

Re: Joke of the Day

My grandma is 96 years old and doesn't need glasses. She drinks straight from the bottle!

[HenryT2]

Re: Joke of the Day

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OH Yeah ! She looks like she's STONED .

[Lagonda]

Re: Joke of the Day

Interestingly enough, when scientists first studied the mantis, they created the scenario that enabled the female to kill the male. Mantii actually mate with stealth; given enough foliage on the ground the male can actually sneak up on the female, do the deed and retreat before she can react. Are you still sure about that?

So if you distract a woman with food you can have your wicked way with them? And I thought Mrs Lagonda demanded to be taken to a restaurant just because she didn't want to do the cooking and washing up!

[Brian8506]

Re: Joke of the Day

I recently picked a new primary care doctor. After two visits and exhaustive lab tests, he said I was doing 'fairly well' for my age.
A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him, 'Do you think I'll live to be90?'
He asked, 'Do yousmoke tobacco, or drink beer, wine or hard liquor?
'Oh no,' I replied. 'I'm not doing drugs, either!

Then he asked, 'Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?
'I said, 'Not much... my former doctor said that all red meat is very unhealthy!'
'Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, boating, sailing, hiking, or bicycling?
'No, I don't,' I said.

He asked, 'Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lots of sex?'
'No,' I said...
He looked at me and said, 'Then, why do you even give a shit?'

[Akitu]

Re: Joke of the Day

Little Johnny and his dad were walking down the street and he says "Hey, Dad! I'll bet you $5 there's some dogs humping just around this corner!"
Dad considers how likely it would be, and says "You're on, kid!"
Once they get to the corner, they see the dogs going at it and Dad pays up.
So Dad calls Johnny's teacher. "Hey, my kid has this nasty gambling habit, but I can't break him of it because he never loses! Can you help?"
The teacher replies "I'll do what I can"
Next day, Johnny enters the classroom. "Hey teacher! I'll bet you $5 I can guess what color panties you have on!" The teacher demurely declines. All week, Johnny is pestering her about betting on the color of her panties.
On Friday, Johnny repeats the bet. "Hey teacher! I'll bet you $5 I can guess what color panties you have on!"
She says "You're on!" and lifts her dress to reveal she isn't wearing any panties at all!
Johnny pays the money, with much grumbling.
The teacher ecstatically calls his father. "Great news! I made little Johnny lose a bet!"
The father is astounded. "How'd you do that?" he asks.
"Well, Johnny's been bothering me all week about the color of my panties, and today I didn't wear any, so he lost the bet!"
A long string of curses comes over the phone.
Teacher asks "What's wrong? Didn't I do it right?"
Dad answers "Just this morning he bet me $50 he'd see your pussy before the day was out!"

[Iowatech]

Re: Joke of the Day

How to understand folk wisdom?

[Akitu]

Re: Joke of the Day

How do you make holy water?
Boil the hell out of it.

[HenryT2]

Re: Joke of the Day

So if you distract a woman with food ..........

Jeb.jpg

[HenryT2]

Re: Joke of the Day

Neighbors.jpg

This could possibly work in " The View From Your Front Door " thread ...

[slimslob]

Re: Joke of the Day

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But I prefer peanut butter.

[Debs1964]

Re: Joke of the Day

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Don't bank on it lol