Re: Joke of the Day
Pretty sure this applies to most everyone here...
Pretty sure this applies to most everyone here...
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The greatest enemy of knowledge isn't ignorance, it is the illusion of knowledge. Stephen Hawking -
Re: Joke of the Day
so true....
The greatest enemy of knowledge isn't ignorance, it is the illusion of knowledge. Stephen HawkingComment
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Re: Joke of the Day
On their way to get married, a young Catholic couple is involved in a fatal car accident. The couple find themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven. While waiting, they begin to wonder: Could they possibly get married in Heaven? When St. Peter showed up, they asked him. St. Peter said, 'I don't know. This is the first time anyone has asked. Let me go find out,' and he leaves. The couple sat and waited, and waited. Two months passed and the couple are still waiting.
While waiting, they began to wonder what would happen if it didn't work out; could you get a divorce in heaven. After yet another month, St. Peter finally returns, looking somewhat bedraggled. 'Yes,' he informs the couple, 'you can get married in Heaven.' 'Great!' said the couple, 'But we were just wondering, what if things don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?' St. Peter, red-faced with anger, slammed his clipboard onto the ground. 'What's wrong?' asked the frightened couple. 'OH, COME ON!', St. Peter shouted, 'It took me three months to find a priest up here! Do you have any idea how long it'll take me to find a lawyer?Why do they call it common sense?
If it were common, wouldn't everyone have it?Comment
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Re: Joke of the Day
The phone bill was exceptionally high. The man of the house called a family meeting to discuss.
Dad: This is unacceptable. I don't use the home phone. I use my work phone.
Mum: Me too, I hardly use the home phone. I use my company's phone.
Son: I use the cell phone given to me by my office. I never use the home phone.
All of them shocked and together look at the maid who is patiently listening to them.
Maid: What? so we all use our work phones. What's the big deal??Cthulhu for president! Why settle for the lesser evil?Comment
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Re: Joke of the Day
A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.
On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."
"What?" said the puzzled groom.
"How can that be if you've been married ten times?"
"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be.
Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.
Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.
Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.
Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.
Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.
Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.
Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it.
Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it.
Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"
"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"
"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"Cthulhu for president! Why settle for the lesser evil?Comment
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Re: Joke of the Day
A husband comes home to find his wife with her suitcases packed in the living room. "Where the hell do you think you're going?" he says. "I'm going to Las Vegas. You can earn $400 for a blow job there, and I figured that I might as well earn money for what I do to you free." The husband thinks for a moment, goes upstairs, and comes back down, with his suitcase packed as well. "Where do you think you going?" the wife asks. "I'm coming with you...I want to see how you survive on $800 a year!!!"The greatest enemy of knowledge isn't ignorance, it is the illusion of knowledge. Stephen HawkingComment
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Re: Joke of the Day
A man goes into a store and buys a pack of condoms.
"Do you want a bag?" ask the cashier
"No she's not that ugly" replies the manThe greatest enemy of knowledge isn't ignorance, it is the illusion of knowledge. Stephen HawkingComment
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Re: Joke of the Day
The greatest enemy of knowledge isn't ignorance, it is the illusion of knowledge. Stephen HawkingComment
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Re: Joke of the Day
Two Irish men walk out of a bar --- well, it could happen.
"You can't trust your eyes, if your mind is out of focus" --
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Re: Joke of the Day
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Re: Joke of the Day
You may laugh, but a few years ago I took my friends son out with me for work experience, I asked him to vacuum something, but the vacuum cleaner wouldn't switch on, I asked him if he'd plugged it in and he looked at me as if I was stupid and pointed to the plug that was plugged into the storage socket on the vacuum cleaner itself...he never decided on a technical career lolThere are 10 types of people in this world, those who understand binary maths and those who don'tComment
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Re: Joke of the Day
About 6 months ago, I was ask to take a look at an HP 9550 that was dead. The antique surge suppressor was a clue. I removed it and plugged into the wall, and she worked. I informed the customer.
About a month ago, I was servicing their other one and was ask to take a look at the one down the hall that was not working. Guess what I found? Plugged back in to the same surge suppressor.The greatest enemy of knowledge isn't ignorance, it is the illusion of knowledge. Stephen HawkingComment
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Re: Joke of the Day
The old professor started each lecture with a dirty joke. After a real objectionable example of that one day, the female students got together and decided that next time, when this happens again, they will all walk out in unison.
The professor got wind of this plot. Next morning, after he entered the lecture hall, he said: "Good morning! Have you heard about the shortage of prostitutes in India?"
Now all the female students stood up and headed toward the exit.
The professor continued: "Oh, ladies, please wait, the boat to India doesn't leave until tomorrow!"Cthulhu for president! Why settle for the lesser evil?Comment
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